new year.

for your new year's resolution.. be sure to include picking a fight with a person smaller than you. because that way.. if that small person is bothering you.. it's perfectly legal to reach down and punch them right in the forehead. and if you have long arms.. or you drop down to your knees.. you can give them a shot right in the stomach. and when it happens.. you'll be glad that you accomplished something. reached a goal. that type of stuff. but now only if weight loss was that easy right? that's when that small person will go from clutching their stomach and rolling around crying.. to lunging at you with some.. barbed wire he keeps in his pocket. and he'll pull out your appendix and show it to you.. and he'll say.. 'it's ok. i'm a doctor.' but you'll feel awful. and you'll say.. 'arraaarrggagaaaah.. put it back! put it back!' but he won't hear you. because it's midnight. and he's already filled your appendix with champagne and he's drinking out of it. what a fucker right?

happy new year. and when the year gets old for you, you can go back to being less happy. and i'll be the first to tell you that you got it all wrong.

smell.

i thought i smelled something but i didn't.. it was weird. let's just say.. i'm glad it was a more subtle odor.. and it wasn't something like.. strawberries. like if you think you smell strawberries.. the next step is to not double check.. because if you think you smell strawberries.. but it turns out it's a bag of garbage your nose will do its best to vomit. which it can't. but it'll try. and you might vomit. but if you're pretty sure that it's strawberries.. then smell and sniff away until your lungs explode. i'll take the safe route.

holiday.

i'm having really weird dreams. like the one where i lost my watch. there were railroad tracks going straight through campus.. and a neighborhood in there too. and when i got to the parking lot it didn't look like cal poly anymore. it looked like uci. and i felt awful because i lost my watch somehow. then another one had bugs bunny doing weight loss ads. if anything he should be doing weight gain ads. but in the end that skunk was really attracted to him for some reason. and i woke up.. and i really wanted to say.. what the fuck? but it was like.. christmas.

bear traps.

things not to take on a desert island:

-sand
-pictures of yourself
-leaf blower (for leaf blowing purposes)
-bear traps
-blank CDs
-one shoe
-donald trump


without any macguyver-like knowledge all that stuff is pretty much useless.. extra sand will probably get you a nice sand castle until the tide comes in and makes you cry. pictures of yourself aren't as useful as they may seem. a leaf blower.. you're missing neighbors to annoy.. and leaves to blow. my desert island is the kind that's just an island and a palm tree. bear traps.. because i'll step in them myself. blank CDs.. aside from reflecting light and stuff.. i'll end up throwing them in the ocean. one shoe.. anywhere is a bad place to take one shoe. and donald trump.. he's just awful. we'll end up dividing the island in a 'you stay on your side. i'll stay on mine' way.. a month later his side will have a 100 story office building and an airport.. with a population of 900 million.. and i'll be on my side.. stepping in bear traps.

infection.

you know what happened to me today? i ran out of antibiotics. and the hole in my mouth.. just might get all infected. fuck. right? i'll have more in the morning though. and hopefully this swelling of the left cheek will go away. i look like i'm saving a snack in there like some fat person that does that.. i don't think fat people do that.. in fact.. i don't think anybody does it. so yeah.. it's pretty awful. skipping over a couple doses can't be beneficial.

while the left side of my face was numb.. i managed to bite down fairly hard on my tongue for about 30 minutes without realizing my tongue was being bitten. i mean.. there was this bloodied up gauze in there and it felt pretty tonguey so how was i supposed to know my tongue was going to sneak in because it wanted attention.. i think there's some cheek in there too. because those two areas hurt more than the stitched up hole.

i have a thing about being blind like a bat. they have excellent sonar. and moles have incredibly large hands. and they're both blind. and here i am... with my vision, but without sonar. and shitty digging hands.

and i thought i was the clever one that stayed up late to sign up for classes..

wisdom.

it hurts. it hurts. it hurts. it hurts. it hurts. it hurts. it hurts. it hurts.. and then you take some generic vicodin.. and it doesn't hurt anymore.. but now i feel like throwing up. or that's what the head says.. the stomach feels differently though.

'hello bartender, i have thought it over.. and far from being a fat pig you are... very nice. and i would like another drink..'

i can't keep my arms still..

it was about.

my ribcage is taking a beating from my heart. my throat feels like i swallowed a fistful of burning embers. so it's not a good feeling. it could be worse though. i mean. you can pick up the wrong bottle.. and try to smash it against the table. but it won't work when you don't have the right bottle. if you try hard enough with the wrong bottle, you'll end up hitting yourself in the head instead of breaking the bottle... my nose is runny. put on a jacket before you get sick. but the brief moments before you get sick.. when you can feel yourself being infected.. you know you're going to be sick really soon. but right now i just feel cold. even with all the layers of warm clothing.. i feel cold. icebox type cold. a song titled 'i don't feel so good' is playing.

i'm still upset about getting a B. looks like it took 22 years before the asian overachiever-ness decided to kick in. fuck it. i'll go back to doing what legs mcneil said..

one word.

since i can't find my guitar pick.. i decided to pick up a binder clip. it worked out nicely. but this just means.. i need to buy more colorful guitar picks.. or put my guitar picks in a more findable area. such as.. that cave where saddam was hiding.

the only way i could describe it was.. 'it's like jumping off a cliff.. but only your ears go.' it's this huge dive. slow and very pleasant. like bungee jumping through molasses. so i guess there's another way to describe it.. maybe a better way. since you do come out of the dive into euphoria.. and you just float along until the next dive. which is just as enjoyable as your first shot of heroin.. ask the addicts what it's like. i wouldn't know. but every time they shoot up.. that's exactly what they're going for. that first hit. that same feeling. is my bloody valentine's loveless like heroin? maybe.. for me it'll be like heroin. when you hear it.. you'll say..'what the fuck is going on?' and then you'll realize. or you won't. because you'll be thinking.. 'this shit is way way way way way too fucked up for me to listen to.' which is perfectly fine.

so i picked up the wrong bottle of wild turkey. but still.. what's with the cork? and what's with that weird groove in the back under the label? the cork makes me feel extra classy.. when i don't feel like being classy. and that weird groove.. just confuses me. why is it there? the only thing i've come up with so far is that it's a fat 'T' for turkey. but that's probably not it.

i'm shivering.. but i feel warm. maybe i'm cold.

i went to borders to pick up fear and loathing in las vegas. but the dorks didn't have it.

the fox sweater is probably the best thing to come out of jc penny. if it had pockets i'd probably put stuff in them.. but it doesn't. so stuff is left in the car.. or moved to the pants pockets.

if the incredible hulk played baseball.. you wouldn't watch it because he had all this muscle power to hit balls. and perform muscled abilities.. you'd watch because this green freak was going to try and hit a ball that's being thrown by some other muscled freak that's on steroids.

that was a very strange sensation.

if you've ever heard times new viking's devo and wine you'll know that it's brilliant. or you'll probably think that it's a piece of shit. which is fine. if more people were fine with things.. 2pac would still be around singing about.. stuff. i need to listen to more rap.

you want weight. something to hold you down. drinking makes you feel heavier. the right kind of drinking. because if your drink doesn't hit you.. all you're doing is hydrating yourself the wrong way. so don't do it. but if it does hit you.. then you feel it. you're being lifted. you feel lighter. but you're weighted down. you won't go flying off. you'll stay put. but you're lighter. up in the clouds. because then it's easier to come down.

they definitely gave me a reason this time. no mindless actions this time. if uci doesn't want to replace my bad grades because i retook classes at a jc rather than a uc.. well.. fuck them. fuck the whole uc system.. except berkley. they're doing something right.. at least in the civil engineering field.

marc bolan deserves more recognition and credit for what he's done for music. i remember reading or hearing from a video that some guy's jacket was in the back seat of his car when he died.. what would it be like to be in that situation? do you wear the jacket again? or what do you do?

if i could pull out my brain from my head.. and then smash it against a canvas. then you'll see what i see. and then you'll know. but you wouldn't understand. you'll come up with your own conclusions. but you won't know what any of it really means.

grades.

3 units of B's makes the grades look less like they're screaming. it makes it look more like.. sheep. or swedish music from the 70's.. with a bunch of extra A's. it's like scrabble.. but if i can't come up with anything with the letters i get, it's a pretty good quarter. unless i get all F's.. because then it's like.. fffffffffffffffffff........... FUCK!

tah-dahs

'lord please don't you let me down. don't let me down. don't let me down. lord please don't you let me down, like i did to you.'

last one.

the hardest part of tomorrow's final will be keeping the scantron dry.. like if i happen to take it with me to the bathroom and drop it in the toilet or something. or the more likely situation of rain falling all over it.

it's never really the last one is it?

ET and finals.

ET is an asshole. he stole my reese's pieces. what a fucker. sure. you could make the argument that the reese's pieces aren't really mine. but actually mr. reese's.. hence the name. but still. what an asshole. you don't steal something twice. once is already too much. he's not using my stupid phone to call home.

i'd really like to punch UCI in the neck.. but it's sort of like punching a fat guy in the neck.. you don't know what the hell you're punching.. but you're pretty sure it's not their neck. so i'm probably going to give up on that.

i can smell a 4.0. it smells like m&m's. either plain.. or the ones that come in the light blue package.. crispy.. or crunchy.