²

Something about being square and making negatives into positives. But I don't think anybody would get it.

Whoever sent me the lyrics to the in-between part of Audacity's 'Twilight Zone,' Thanks. Now I just need the rest of it and maybe some other lyrics to others songs... and I'll be, perhaps, wayyyyyy too happy. So maybe... don't do that. I'm at a good level of happiness right now anyways.

Here's a short list of things you don't want to receive for Christmas:

1. Christmas wrapping paper
2. Smelly fish
3. Mannequin torsos
4. Donald Trump
5. A lawnmower for your house boat... or boat house. Those boats that you live in.

christ-men

Theraflu is knockout juice. Don't raise your fists and tell me, "That ain't knockout juice, this is!" I swear I had motion trails when I woke up in the middle of the night. Merry Christmas or whatever it is you celebrate. Oh. And I've gotten sick 3 times since this whole swine flu thing came about... 2 of the 3 times it has escalated into something awful rather than remaining in the decent parts of being sick. I probably should've ended with the Merry Christmas here... how the heck does X mean Christ anyways? X-Men... Christ-Men, with Professor Christ. That's so awful. Awwwwful. Well. Merry Christmas. No x's.... but plenty of o's. or the other way around. It's the other way around.

A story with another story.

"I grow weary of having toes," said the explorer as he placed his bare feet into the snow waiting for frostbite to set in.



I'm asking myself if I should go out wearing a mask, looking like I'm going to rob a bank or do I go mask-less and run the risk of infecting people with this strangely weak illness that only gives you a terrible sore throat?

Infection it is. I can still rob a bank anyway. "Give me allllllllll your money or I'll sneeze in your face! Wait... hold on. Ah... Ah..... Aahh.... oh.. no. Nevermind. I'll be back later when I really need to sneeze. Please don't call the police. I'm actually a very important person who works for the city or something. So if you call them you'll get fired and... Wait here we go. Hand it over! Achooo!" Unfortunately it won't work out so well. Since I've grown accustomed to covering my mouth when sneezing. Manners. Scientist should come up with some sort of manners gas that criminals breathe in and become extremely polite. "Oh dear me. It would appear that I have my pistol pointed at you. Terribly sorry for that, chap." I'm much better at typing an English accent than I am speaking it.




"Perhaps one day I'll come to realize that I truly miss them," and with that, his toes have gone off to wait for him in his next life.

Inglorious Basterds

Gaaah... what the hell. Quentin Tarantino went all cinematography nerd or something on us here. I was expecting a whole lot more nazi killing and less super close up shots of random stuff. That's pretty much what you get. The story is decent enough. There's a lot of talking and stuff which I found boring at times, but it fits. Brad Pitt is good and it's nice to see Ryan the temp / hottest in the office or B.J. Novak doing some scalping of his own. But really. You get maybe 5 scalpings max... when it really should've been at least 600. I thought maybe he'd have a little counter or something. That would've been funny. or not. if you're a nazi it's not funny at all. So of the 2.5 hours you get maybe 30 minutes of nazi killing. But don't get me wrong. The nazi killing is grrrreat. So, due to a lack of nazi killing I'm going to give this a 40/64. You can do the math yourself. Or grab a box of crayons... the 64 color one and take out 24 crayons. That'll give you a visual interpretation of how short this movie fell from being perfect. Oh. If you're some movie genius and you disagree with this........ shut up. I just feel let down by the lack of a nazi massacre that spans 2 hours.

The short story: Not nearly enough nazi killing. Far too much nazi (something that rhymes with killing and means talking)... uh... space filling. 40/64 crayons





I go a few months without this awful chest pain deal and now it comes back. Seriously. It's some ass bag with a voodoo doll. I just know it. Or it may very well be the fact that when i sit and play the guitar at a weird angle, the guitar digs itself into my chest. One of my ribs is probably dislodged or something or stabbing my heart. I don't know. It doesn't feel good.

coconut

I've never put a lime in a coconut and drank them both up. Next time I have a coconut (possibly from my brother) in hand though, I'll do just that. If it really does give me a bellyache then that'll be awesome because I'll be able to call a doctor and tell him that I put the lime in the coconut and drank them both up. But the strangest thing is that he'll tell me the same exact thing. To put the lime in the coconut and drink them both up. So the cure for the bellyache from the lime and the coconut is a lime and a coconut... or the problem for the cure is the problem cure for the cure problem cure cure problem cure. Delicious.


Oh. and if this somehow has some metaphorical poetic stuff going on then, I'll have none of that. I'm talking about a coconut and a lime. or a lime and a coconut. Why the hell is that stupid combination so repeatable. Nilsson!

movie star

Well this just tears it. It absolutely tears it. Somebody told me today that I looked like a Chinese movie star. They then added he's not popular. Thank God and any other mystical powers and strange physics which control the universe for that added remark. The last thing I want to be is a Chinese movie star. Why? They suck. Chinese movies suck. They used to be good... you know, when England owned Hong Kong. But now... they suck. Really. I'm Chinese I'm the first to know when something sucks about my people and culture. Oh. right. And if I look like a Chinese movie star they must all look like ass.

And also from the two hour walk from yesterday: A university called, "California University of Management and Science." I just went to their website and they call themselves "CalUMS." They could've just switched Science and Management around... buuuuut... I'm not the person in charge. There was also a sign next to the CalUMS building for a "Pain Control" center. After I saw that sign I spent the next 10 minutes thinking about what actually goes on in there. Like some guy who knows how to control his pain or something. "Ok watch me control my pain, I'm going to make my right arm hurt. Now my left arm. Now the meaty area behind my knee. See? now you try... great! That'll be $600." Or it could be worse. Rather than actually healing the person you just teach them how to live with it and "control" it probably the same way you control your anger. Pet the cat. Easy there angry bear. King of the Hill will be missed.

oil change.

Today I let some people drain my car of it's precious motor oil so it can be replaced with new fresh motor oil. My car is sad to see the old oil go, but also happy to be all lubricated and stuff. The guy opened up the tank and started draining everything out and my car just started crying. Really strange noises too. Like, "rRrRRRRwah......." My car is weird.

For whatever reason, the dealership takes 2 hours to change my oil. That means I walked around for 2 hours. People these days don't really go out for a good walk. Really. If places weren't so far apart from each other I'd walk everywhere. It was all pretty good. Except the part where I thought the bus bench jumped out at me. Seriously the thing moved at least 3 inches towards me, but I was the only one around it. I'm beginning to think that my mind is playing tricks on me, but I'm still not certain if me thinking this way is another one of my mind's tricks. What a terrible place to be. Luckily I have room in my heart for things. That's a stupid place too. The constant beating and... well it's mostly beating. Just deal with it if you're in there. I keep a relatively even beat anyway. Use it as a metronome.

guitar strings

So I got a new set of guitar strings. The place I got them from was weird. They had a deal where you get 2 sets of guitar strings for the price of 1. Sounds like a good deal right? When I got there, the strings were each priced at $11-something, which is two times the amount strings are normally priced at. I thought it was just mislabeled. So I was like, "Yeah can I get a set of those strings?" and the guy was like, "Sure, it'll be $6... blah blah blah." He really did say that... not really. At this point, I thought I'd be clever and mention the deal they had going. "Oh, can I get two sets for the price of 1?" and he was like, "Yeah, two sets for $11." So in my head I'm thinking, "What the shit?" So technically... I'm getting 2 sets for the price of 1, but only because 1 set is priced at two times the amount. Oh rock star math... glad they don't teach that in public schools. I don't know what the hell goes on in private schools. And I don't want to know. But really... I can't decide whether this is the stupidest pricing schemes or one of the most brilliant. It feels like you're saving money, but you're actually just paying the same amount. So... if I didn't need to be somewhere else I probably would've stood in the store staring at the guy for the next 20 minutes going, "Uhh....... does not compute. Error. Error." If I could do a 60's robot voice I would. But what the hell. The guy obviously knows what he's doing because I got the strings.

The package says, "Element Shield Packaging means longest life Factory Fresh all the time." So I took them up on that. As soon as I opened the "Element Shield" I stuck my nose right next to the opening and gave it a sniff... it smelled awful. It was like that new car smell... but not for a car. Probably like if you get a plastic ass or something it smells like that. New ass smell. Good to know though. Also Spinal tap uses Ernie Ball strings... so use Ernie Ball strings. They should just throw my name in there too. It's a really long list. I'm sure nobody even reads everything. Just put something random in there. I used to do that in my English class because I knew the teacher didn't read our journals. I'd write terrible things. He'd have a topic on the board like, "What do you think about the speed limit on the freeways?" and I'd start of with something about freeways and speed and then I'd get into how stupid writing about it was. It's tough to fill a page.


But really. If you're not not using Ernie Balls you're stupid. I'm glad I didn't write that as Ernie's Balls. My guitars are so accustomed to Ernie Ball Strings that they start vomiting if I put on another brand. They continue to vomit several days after the strings have been replaced because all the other shitty strings leave such a terrible taste and feeling on them. Ernie Ball should hire me to advertise their stuff.... and other companies should also not kill me because I called their strings "shitty." I'll say anybody's shitty if they give me the money. How awesome would it be to get paid to say 'shit' all day?












After saying 'shit' about 4000 times in an hour I feel extremely guilty and would like to resign as the guy that gets paid to say 'shit.'

still.

Still working to get the sounds in my head to come out through my guitar.
Still working to get the words in my head to come out of my mouth.

tire

I need to do a few more listens to make sure what I'm listening to is like... the stuff I'm listening too.


My head is absolutely spinning... so Maybe. maybe. MAYbe. tomorrow. It has nothing to do with the month of May. It's December dummy..

I tire.





Similar to a wheel.. but not like it.

not a ghost

The Audacity is a band that sprinkles bits of opium on their musical notes so you get completely hooked by listening to it... and being Chinese, the sprinkles of opium is both the best and worst thing ever. But really that's all anybody can ask for. Music that'll bring you down and pick you up. So when you feel the awfuls, you'll get your dose of uppers... and when you're way up on your upppers the music will carry you back down to the even levels of mediocrity which will soon be elevated back up by the music... and you'll be stuck in some really really nice loop. Not if you're a robot though... you'll hate it then. If else if else if else if else if else....... Blam! And the sparks and circuits of your artificial head will splash to the floor... and of course a song like "Twilight Zone" will be playing in the background. Yeah this doesn't make any sense... but who cares. For all I know you're reading this while you're sleepwalking. Don't wake up though... I hear that's pretty bad for you. New cassette is on the way somehow... if not by magic then by something else. Bird.

heirhkugt

I'm sure we'd all have extremely long hair if cutting it caused pain... well those cutter types would have short hair. Everybody else would have hair dragging on the floor or something. At least the streets will be cleaner that way. But since it doesn't hurt to cut your hair, having it short is one way to go. The others being bald, medium, and long... and probably something terrible. Like... wearing spaghetti and the top of a mop on your head. I remember my professor saying something about hair being as strong as something... I can't remember. It was either steel or bones. But it's really weak because the cross sectional area is so small. I don't know... I got a C in that class. Ask me about water... I'll give you the answer and have to go pee after a few questions.

So, I cut my hair today. I had too many weird spots where it stuck out. I either have more of those spots or I evened things out... I don't know. The virtual image of myself in the mirror looked like it was even. It even mimicked my every move then punched me in the nose... what a dick. It turned out to be somebody else that looked completely different, but I was fooled. Perhaps I've spent too much time watching cartoons, but I'm almost certain that you're the one that hasn't been watching enough.

3 hours

I've been tired for the past 3 hours... why I'm not sleeping yet I don't know. I spent about an hour eating dinner... and another hour trying to figure out how to remap the calculator button on my keyboard to open up my music player. It works pretty well. For some reason I don't find using the mouse fun anymore. That leaves 1 hour free which I filled by trying to find the metaphoric hammer which will crack my skull open and let all the wonderful sounds in my head pour out like a great river. I would like any sounds that pour out to arrange itself in an ear pleasing manner. The strangest image dances around my mind now. Sound waves or notes or something with arms and legs all clamoring about to align themselves in the perfect order, but if that happens the credit will go to science or something.

This is the Song You Sing (and howl)
Written by: the guy who invented science and nature and the sine wave and those musical notes that put themselves in this order... now they're stuck in this order.
You're Stupider than Me Records

Being the psychic I am, the song will fail miserably but still manage to make its way on a late night television show about monsters terrorizing parked cars that they think are sleeping children... the picture was switched during their monster meeting which they ironically had under a child's bed.

Zip a Dee Doo Daaaaah!

Fart Amp

I am having dreams where I'm playing the guitar... I'm fairly good in my dreams. Enough to catch a groove and have quite the rhythmic pattern going... It all revolves around the C chord too. So, I need to figure out just what I'm playing when I wake up. I forget what I play when I wake up.

It just got really cold for some reason. Some raisin.

Note to others. I believe Link Wray stabbed holes in the tweeter portion of his amp... the tweeter part. Most amps aren't broken down into those parts. So trying to get all Dave Davies/Link Wray on your speaker cone may or may not make it sound like a fart when you play bass notes... my amp that I went all Dave Davies/Link Wray on sounds like a fart when I play bass notes. I wouldn't be saying it if it weren't true... hold on... wouldn't weren't... yeah. So I would be saying it if it were true.

Oh. And I'm sure she was supposed to be wearing pants... but she wasn't. It looked a bit odd.

Sunday Morning

The lack of fireworks in the sky on the drive home was a bit of a downer to a somewhat.... extremely somewhat good night. I guess I can't blame Mr. Mouse for not shooting a few rockets up into the sky at !:00am... capital 1 is not 1 apparently. So, aside from the fact that I knew one person coming into it probably contributed to it... but that one person is a good person. Aaaaaaand... she now owns a Burger Records bag. Siiii==ooooooooooooooooooo...... those were o's... If she uses it, perhaps it'll bring in a few customers to an already great establishment... You! Person who's reading this.... go here:

Burger Records

Make a few clicks and buy some of their stuff... it's very good. If you don't find it good... then you can go down to the Burger store in Fullerton and find something you like. I found Darklands and Psychocandy by the JAMC. This is stuff I couldn't find anywhere and the prices on eBay were slightly more than I'd like to spend. Psychocandy is especially interesting since the vinyl is super thick. You know how Captain America has that shield of his? I think this record is just as tough... if not stronger....... strongaaaaarrrr... I don't represent Burger nor do I speak for them... I'm just a fan of music and the same fans who admire a fine beat and a fitting tone. Again... I don't speak for them.. If they let me speak for them, they'd be in trouble... possibly with the Chinese government too. I don't think they allow hamburgers to be sold in China or something. I also do not speak for Chinese people. I can only speak for myself and maybe that one guy who thought I had something to say... but I really didn't at the time.

...That's when I realized "Sunday Morning" was playing on the drive home. So it all works out. Sunday morning. Early dawning.


I've got a feeling I don't want to know.

The Bootleg Series

I guess every band needs a bootlegger... but I don't know if I should release it because my bootleg that I recorded on my phone sounds like ass.... several of them. It's not the band... it's the recording. If the band sucked it would sound like so much ass that you'd be up to your ass in ass. I need a thesaurus... but if I look up ass I don't think I'd get anything.

I don't know where the wire is to hook up my phone to my computer... so I will withhold on the whole computer magic thing and close my eyes for a few hours... possibly more.

Good night.

"Sweet dreams please"

D'Addario strings

I'm sure there's somebody out there that swears by D'Addario strings. Well, I tried them out... and they're ass. They feel like ass when you play them and they crack and break like ass too. Seriously, I was down tuning my guitar and it snapped. How does that even happen? And don't you dare say "fatigue failure" because I'll call you a nerd faster than you can say, "ASS!" (just drag out the sssssssss...). And no, I wasn't turning the tuning knob the wrong way... I've made that mistake before and learned from it. Also, I was tuning the guitar in a well lit room... not in the dark like the other time I broke a guitar string. I grabbed the wrong knob. [insert inappropriate joke here].

So I will no longer use D'Addario strings, unless they somehow freely appear before me. Just like the set of free strings some person will receive from me... because I know somebody out there loves D'Addario strings... but really. More durable than Ernie Balls my ass... sure are a lot of asses in this one... ass!

Sweet dreams please. Good night.

three times

This virus is being retarded. I've had a sore throat for the past 3 days. My nose gets runny then it gets unrunny (it's a word... it's new, but it's a word) and this lingering cough type thing that causes me to... 'cough.' So all I'm asking is to be infected properly. I can't stand this half assed infection. Either don't infect me... or make me one sick sick sick person. Illness-wise please and not the gross kind of sick where you stick pieces of raw meat on your head to attract zombie dogs that bring you pieces of Michael Vick. That's gross. I saw him run for a 1st down against the Redskins. As much as I like the Redskins, I do think they should change the name. Um... the Zombie Dogs. That'll be a good name. Or like the Andrew Jacksons if they still want to be dicks about things. Or whatever... Team A or something. Or if they want to keep the colors they can call themselves the Hot Dogs. I've been smelling hot dogs a lot while driving home.. driving home will be reduced now that I don't think I have a place to drive to anymore.

Oh, about that virus. Just call it ass flu next year because it's a pain in my ass to be ass infected... see what I did there? I said ass threeeeee times!

tangent

Something smells like cigarette smoke. I'm 83% sure it's not cigarette smoke, but it really really smells like it. The only thing that may be causing this is if I tried doing some sort of magic trick involving a cigarette and my nose. The one where you take a cigarette and open it up and your nose is in it. It's absolutely terrifying. Half the people that see it vomit. And sometimes if there's a dog around it'll grab my nose and I'll have to chase after it. "No Mr. Growls! Come back here!"

tangent - diverging from an original purpose or course or a tan gentleman

asdfjkl;

My ears are ringing ever so slightly. It's not really bothering me. In fact, if I were to go deaf tonight, I wouldn't be upset about it. Sure, I wouldn't be able to discover new music with my ears... but the fact that this ringing was caused by standing a little too close to the amps in Anaheim makes everything ok.

I was hoping that they'd tell me, "We don't serve your kind in here." Just so I could say, "What do you mean? I'm not a droid." That didn't happen.

I met a Mexican immigrant today too. Just out of nowhere. He started talking, I told him I was a Chino. He said he was an immigrant. He said Dios to him is very different to what Dios is to the people here. He spoke of a lack of respect between Americans and others. All I could do was assure him that we're not all like that. Also we both agreed that Mexican food and Chinese food is delicious.

I'm feeling both cold and warm right now. I owe the world too much.

More about 'Rocktober'

I just got an email from Guitar Center telling me about their "Rocktober Sales Event." I'm very very close to not going to Guitar Center ever again... something like a foot a at least a good amount of inches away from it. The first thing I thought of when I got the email? "Stop saying Rocktober." Followed by, "Why the hell do they keep calling it Rocktober?" Just give me one good reason to call it that. Just one. If you can do that then go ahead and call it whatever you want. For Guitar Center... a sale is not a good reason. Who's in charge of naming the sales anyways? What happened to the monsters and ghosts and stuff? Where are my 'ghoulish' savings and my prices slashed and slashed with every butcher knife, chainsaw, and... uh... ant farm there is. I couldn't think of anything else. But yeah... call it anything but Rocktober. Fishtober. Asstober. Old-balding-redhaired-guy-that-directed-Willow-tober.

I really really think that the part of my brain that tells my heart to beat and my lungs to breathe doesn't work 100% of the time.

vector... something.. it's a line

Is it just me or did Google extend their search box? It's bothering the hell out of me... It's at least an inch or so longer (2.54 cm). Now I need to sit here and figure out whether it's my computer that's making it appear longer or if it's always been that way or if somehow my head was smashed hamburger-wise and everything is extended. Really, it's like 5 inches or something (12.7 cm). Who searches for something that takes up 5 inches of text? What's the longest thing I've searched for? A snake... no wait. A bridge. Some super long bridge in China or something. Snake bridge... cheese bridge... snakes don't eat cheese. Bridges do... and you can find one.. that does just that here. In California. Where the sun is way too hot... and my eyes are closing.

If I leave my guitar untuned and it's tuned in the morning, does that mean... no. If there's a koala that's tuning my guitar at night I'm going to find it and eat it and probably throw up because it tastes terrible. Oh, and they're not cute either, they look like freaks. Sloths on the other hand are very cute. Maybe.... that's not the word I'm looking for. But they always look like they spend a long time combing their hair or something.

ghosts and guitars

All I'm saying is if a ghost comes and plays my guitars, yeah, I'll be terrified, but at the same time, if the grooves are 'grooOOOOoooovy' then why not sit back and enjoy it. Did you say 'groovy' right? You're supposed to do it in that spooky-ish way. Oh. If they suck, it won't be so fun. I'll wonder what the hell is going on, because everybody knows ghosts are supposed to be awesome at the guitar.

Rocktober

Why do people keep saying "Rocktober." I don't think they know that they sound like dorks. I've been pushing for Socktober for a while... why aren't people saying that? It's so much more usable... thesaurus! It's so much more functional - I was thinking versatile the first time. So it's functional. Like, "Dude I'm totally getting some new socks because iiiiiiiiit's SOOOOCKTOBeeeeEERRRRR!" and of course you have to raise the pitch of your voice when you say it.. uh.. not sure how to demonstrate that here.. but if anything, "Socktober" is one louder... orrrr higher than "Rocktober." Stop saying Rocktober... You sound stupid. There's nothing rocking about October, so just stop. You get one day of goodness and that's Halloween... or two days if your birthday is in October, but nothing else. Now... with an octopus, which is called that because it has 8 arms (October, switch spots with August..) you can call that a Rocktopus all day, because you know, and I know that you know things like this... but if you figured out how to let an octopus breathe on land... and you stuck it in front of a drum set, you'd be absolutely grooving. Like constantly too. I have written down, "The drummer for Rush is pretty good, but he's not octopus. Why are octopuses so good at drummering?" This being after my philosophy teacher was talking about the drummer for Rush being good... Next to that I have a drawing, with an octopus on drums holding 4 drum sticks. with "The Rocktopuses" written on the bass drum.. I used to draw these pictures with the most random things happening. One of my finest works was a cigarette playing keyboards or a stand up bass or something... really, I still think that was just genius.

"Life's a mess that needs to be cleaned."

honey bees

b.
ub..

b.

borrrrrring...



So here's the secret to everything... or nothing. I can't catch any bees with that guitar... no pun intended. a.....HA... HA........a...... HA! Bees aren't into fake flowers that smell like armpit I guess.

Also... you should enjoy the shitty lighting and the cheap camera pictures. But that's my latest 'creation.' It looks better than it sounds... which isn't too good to begin with anyway.

Oh... and D'Addario strings. Maybe it's just me... but these strings feel like I'm playing an ass or something. Anybody want a set or need a set?

ZZZZ

My heart and my lungs are not on the same page.

500

It's like 300 but more... like... this is Sparta and Athens and the place down by the beach where you can get a really big burrito and I guess that mountain range counts too if there's anybody up there.. anybody? No? Ok. You don't count then.

I'm walking a very very thin line. I'm so close to cracking and I don't like it. Somebody tell me how to widen this line. I need it to be wide enough so that I can like... roll sideways down it. Not that that's what I plan on doing, I just think that would be sufficient for me to go down the line without feeling like I'm going to lose my mind. A nice saunter if you will.

So I finished my guitar. It sounds trashy enough. Even trashier than before. I put on the wrong gauge strings, so things are a bit messy there. It doesn't matter though... when you see it you'll... uh... see. Really, it's like art.

"I was going to call you 'Mary.'"

Ride into the sun.

It gets a bit messy towards the end.

Making apple cores

I forgot what I was going to write.

about a girl.

Ronald wasn't like the other ducks. Ronald was different. When the other ducks soared through the skies, Ronald stayed on the ground reading books of automotive endeavors. When the other ducks swam through the ponds, Ronald stayed dry and dreamed of one day winning the big race...

That's how the story will start... but this is really about a girl. A girl who not only caught my eye, but also my heart. Let me sleep on it...

sometimes.

There is not a song more perfect than "Sometimes." How can anything be more perfect anyways? IF it's perfect it's perfect. The second you get into things being more perfect.. then you have a problem. I big problem involving philosophy and some other grabage... garbage. No grabbing allowed. It's perfect. Happy? listen to "Sometimes." Sad? listen to "Sometimes." Some strange emotion that you've never quite experienced? listen.. oh listen to "Sometimes." I've found a new favorite song... it has no drums. but it's beautiful like the bluest summer sky. It hits harmonies that were sent down from heaven. It'll bring you to your knees and lift you up at the same time. You're at the mercy of 4 or 5 simple chords... and you're taken for a ride. One part up. Two parts down... what the hell am I saying? It's a good song.

"maybe you'll see this when you wake up... good morning. i hope you slept well. maybe you're still awake. good night. i hope you.... something"

"The sun shines. But I don't."

abs

What's wrong with abs? If you have abs you can't draw faces on your stomach. Actually no. You can draw several faces on your stomach. Those stupid muscle lines will have to be mustaches... but what sort of impact are tiny faces? Not much.

wallpaper

Wallpapering something with this many curves is a... something. I wan to say "bitch" but that doesn't quite make any sense to me.

magic eye

Remember those magic eye things? They were these pictures of a bunch of shit that was thrown together. You were supposed to stare at them and stuff would appear. I never saw anything, but I looked like a huge dork trying to make it work. I tried looking at one today on my computer... here I am hoping that I'd finally get to say, "Holy SHIT!" and fall backwards out of my seat because I saw Jesus or something... but no. I saw a lot of blurry roses. Just type in 'magic eye' into google. It's the one with all the roses... it'll take you to some religious website... Perhaps I am not worthy...

I threw up a couple days ago. How the hell do those eating disorder types do it? I got to a point where I coughed up a few drops of blood. Powerful shit that stuff..

wp

Confusion. That's whast's (mistake) in my mind. My fingers are not exactly coopperating (mistake). extra p? perhaps.

I wrote that yesterday... today's all about swine SARS or whale flu. Because that's where this is all going. We've gone from human flu to SARS to bird flu... completely skipping over bird SARS to swine flu. So next year watch out. I see Chinese people eating too much pork and somehow creating swine SARS. Or maybe all that shit that we dump in the ocean is getting to the things that live there... sure, seaweed flu probably already exists, but that isn't sexy to the media. The second whales get the flu we're all dead. and with the way the glaciers are melting they'll be rolling up on our drive ways and vomiting out their nasty virus infested stomach remnants.

A while back I had the idea of converting units of horsepower to whalepower. 1000hp would equal 1wp. So that makes my car 0.106wp. doesn't sound as sexy as 106... but it's pretty good. Let's throw it into slothpower and my car will be some crazy number. hahahaha... sloths..

To live in a whale....

I wish I knew Spanish... or like.. proper Spanish. All I know is the bad words.. Something about a heart... and blue.. and maybe purple. Davila 666, I'll figure it out one day.

total eclipse

foobar 2000... as unsexy as that name is it's so damn customizable that I'm going to deal with it. Think about it... iTunes... come on. That's unsexy too. there is no name for a music playing program that is sexy. Unless somebody names a music player Richard Simons... he's sexy right? Girls like Richard Simons... I think.

Wellllllllllllllll.... Foobar 2000. It's a music player. It does stuff. Why did I stop using iTunes? The shit wouldn't let me add my own album art. When I'm listening to The Velvet Underground's 1969 Live performance I want to see that transexual's ass set to a lime-ish green background. Not their so called "gold" album or some other thing that I don't remember... I want to see what appears to be a transexual's ass... or perhaps a woman's ass. It's pretty gross if it's a woman's ass. Not classy at all... AT ALL!

I'm watching Lost right now... There's so much shit that goes on. Is it some physics anomoly (word of the day... which i misspelled)... anomaly. There. spellcheck to the rescue. They're going to get off the island or they aren't. It's season 4.

I remember in the 6th or 5th grade the older kids at Sycamore Jr. High came to Sunkist Elementary and taught us littler ones about drugs by doing a skit to the tune of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tylor or some other person... So there's this addict played by somebody and the drugs are other students. The students are conveniently labeled with signs reading "marijuana", "cocaine", "acid", "super groovy mushroom pizza" that sort of stuff. So the addict dances around with her drugs. And then finally when she's done with them they're all lined up... and one by one she goes and turns them around... and they kneel down signifying the end of her addiction.. Doesn't really make any sense now when it's played with that song... but there's a total eclipse today.... or a few hours ago... I don't know. China time is screwed up.

Enjoy.



It's fucking terrifying at this hour... holy shit what am I watching... seriously... what the fuck? It's like they hired all the kids from Children of the Corn and said... okay scare the shit out of the people that watch this and make them reference Children of the Corn even though they haven't seen it. We'll make BILLIONS!

But really... total eclipse. not of the heart... well... maybe. Just leave those glowing eyed bastards out of it.

walls.

Ok. I'm done with itunes.




I have to go back and label all this stuff.

I'm using wallpaper to wallpaper things that aren't walls.... not walls. You'll see soon enough.

I thought I posted this already.

S

Each of their names start with "S"? That's just weird.

a big one

I have an amp. It's a somewhat small amp... 15 Watts. This amp terrifies me. It makes things shake and rattle. For whatever reason I tried to make the objects around my amp hit resonance and just crumble under their own uncontainable energy. That never happened though. I bet my eardrums would've gone out before anything else did. I have the volume set about an eigth of the way up... eighth... what a weird word to spell. It's up at 1/8 (That's easier) the volume and I think something's going to explode because the shit is so loud.

And now all I can think about is that only the blind can see. My mind is set on metaphors. One day I wish to complete a puzzle. I know exactly how this puzzle looks. But I lack the pieces to complete it. Sometimes I'll find a piece and try to make it fit, but that just changes how the puzzle looks. So the puzzle changes depending on which pieces I choose. Sometimes the pieces that are in place move... sometimes they fall out of the puzzle. So I have to find a new piece to take its place. But who wants to stare at a completed puzzle? You need that missing piece to drive you absolutely mad until you find it. You've read The Missing Piece by that scary looking fellow.. This damn pizza rolls around until it finds it's missing pizza slice. What's the point buddy, Somebody's just going to pull it out and eat it... and you get Pacman. Waka waka waka waka... beeeerrrruiruiruiruirruiiii.... the ghost got you.

Next is "Rock 'n' Roll Suicide" by David Bowie. But first he needs to say "Wham bam thank you ma'am."

My nose is runny. Not anymore, but it was runny. I put a scarf on. Which is rather strange in this absolutely hot weather we're having. I just felt cold... I was this close to typing 'gold.'

Now I just heard a song for the first time... and they're using the same strumming pattern and chords (I think) that I planned on using. What do I do about that?

Nevermind about the big one... There was a 2.9 earthquake a couple miles from me. And this blog isn't exactly big either. I have to go back and label all my posts... people will be very disappointed when they stumble upon my blog because it's just full of so much shit. But better to keep the shit in a bunch of zeroes and ones than to let it spill out of my mouth and onto the streets where children play...

Good night.

'quote'

So I told my ears... "Hey, Fuck you man. It's not my damn fault you don't have lids like my eyes..." We are currently not speaking...


I cut my hair, so my head is once again covered by a quarter inch of hair. Seeing as how 'this' 'follower' is 'Canadian' I have this to 'say'... That's 2.54 'cm' divided by 4... you 'hoser.' I don't 'feel' like doing the 'math.'

Ganglians - Monster Head Room [Lp] + 7"

I have a headache. I never got headaches while I was in school, but now that I'm out... I have a headache. I had to take my glasses off and everything. It's not pleasant at all. Also, I cut my nails too short. I think one of my fingers wants to bleed, but it can't or something. There's just this spot of red... So I'll monitor it. See how it turns out. If it bleeds on my guitar strings then that means my guitar will have tasted human blood.. it'll turn rabid or something. I forget how things end up after they taste human blood. It's also really hot. My arms are sticking to the desk. And that's probably the 9th time tonight that this guy's car alarm went off. He better be pushing the alarm button on accident because he swallowed his keys or something... because it's really annoying. And rather than cutting off this hangnail on my pinky I ripped it off. It's starting to sting... but none of that matters. I have The Ganglians spinning around. Not to sure about my music history... but I think the Beatles went to India or something... So just imagine that the Beach Boys went along with them, got lost in Nepal then rode swimming elephants back to California... That's what I was thinking when I was listening to this. I'm sure I could've been thinking of better things... like, what kind of cookies are the best (the ones with m&m's in them) or if I'd win a boxing match with a t-rex (it ends with me being eaten... but I had a really good reach advantage)... so there. Not much about the music that you need to know... just that it's better than 90% of the other stuff out now. Oh! One more thing... It comes with lyrics. Bonus points there.

This is "Voodoo." AND THAT SON OF A BITCH'S ALARM IS GOING OFF AGAIN... Seriously... there better be something ridiculous going on like a cat crawling around inside the engine and dicking around with the wires. At least then you'll have an interesting story to tell. So this is called "Voodoo." and... there.. it.. goes....... again.

Buy it here: Woodsist




Seriously... maybe somebody's actually trying to steal the car but is too stupid to move on to another one after the alarm goes off.

If you're not going to buy it try and find "Cryin' Smoke." It's getting a lot of play time on my end of things.



"Hopefully one day with some luck."

Hands

A follower is like a stalker... but not so creepy so it's cool. Jesus has many followers and far too many stalkers. So I have that person that calls me hero and now this person or maybe they're the same person or maybe I have multiple personalities that I don't know about and I talk to myself... So, I guess I'll have to stop wearing pants on my arms when I type this up... shhhhhh... they'll hear you.

This one's called "Hands."

King Tuff - Staircase of Diamonds

As requested by some random person who I hope is not worshiping me right now... ''Staircase of Diamonds.'' It's slow.

The Experiment

I've learned that apple seeds contain cyanide. This, of course, I know is true because I saw it in an episode of GI Joe. They shot a bunch of apples into a big ass bacteria that was eating everything in its path... so yeah, that confirms it. So if I happen to be eating an apple and it starts to taste like almonds, I'll stop. Because for whatever reason that apple has more cyanide in it than it needs. Hold on, I thought cyanide tasted like strawberries.... wrong. Wrong.... wrong. Where am I going with this. Apples are good. Red Deliciouseses...esessss... are indeed red, but are not exactly delicious according to my tongue. A recent survey showed that my tongue prefers the taste of fuji apples... the freakish breed of those giant red apples and like... little yellow apples from Vermont or something. Oh, and you know what? You dicks at Washington Apples need to make those damn stickers edible. I'm tired of ripping them off before I eat an apple... apple... Why'd I call this one "The Experiment" Anyway... I'm just talking about apples. This is why you write the titles last... so stuff like this doesn't happen. So apples. They keep the doctor away... and that's with only one. Who knows what may happen if you eat perhaps... 2. 2 apples a day keep the molesters away. I guess that works. It's not my fault the words have end rhyme. I'm a fucking poet! Here's the thing... when I try it sounds too plastic, so I have to go back and revise and revise and revise... then all you're staring at is a piece of shit that's phony. I wrote two damn good poems for a poetry class I took. One was about this nutcase which was pretty good.. the other was about self destruction and a lost love... or something like that. That's my story anyway... English majors will analyze the shit out of it and come up with some interesting theories. "Oh, the dude is homosexual look at this line, 'Be sure to pick up my laundry / Which has been bleached and bleached / To a point where the white is no longer white, / But a shade of white which resembles gray.' He spelled 'gray' g-r-a-y... instead of g-r-e-y... totally homosexual. You take the 'r' out and what do you get. Gay. He 'r' gay." Some shit like that. My professor liked that line. I read it now and it doesn't make any sense to me at all. I guess that's the point. This guy in the poem is nuts. 'Later, please take me to the other side, / Where the grass is always greener, / So I can steal a bit of green, to keep in a jar, / Which I will keep to use on a tree.' and the English major will say, "Green is such a gay color. Al Gore is gay. I don't have proof, but all signs point to him being gay. Who wants to drive little super efficient cars that run on the cyanide from apple seeds?" Did I close the last quote? Here." And of course there's my other brilliant one where I stole a bit from Mr. Cobain and his... Do. Re. Mi. Don't Rape Me... But you know, I couldn't say that. So the whole poem is blah blah blah... do. re. mi. then something that sounds like that. Dream. Dear me. Don't break me. but it all ends with. "Do. / Re. / Mi. / Do you remember me?" I think I was listening to Pink Floyd too. That's probably why Johnny Ramone stopped listening to everything before he came up with his.. grabhalghaghhabhbhabhabhahbababababababababab..... style. It's a good thing. You try and describe it. "She went away for the holiday..." The back of my head has been hurting for the past I don't know 2 weeks. One night I thought about screaming to keep me awake... so all that was going on in my head was... "AAAHAHAAAAAAAHHH!!!.. AAAAAHHH!!!." but like.. a lot. So that got annoying and I stopped. How do I pick up radio waves from Las Vegas too? Such crappy radio. Who listens to the radio anymore? I do you dick. I remember The Willowz CD that I got. The lyrics had no spaces. It was the most difficult thing to read, but you know what... I didn't care, because it came with the lyrics. All you get now most of the time Is a case some paper with pictures and no lyrics or any other fancy stuff. If I'm paying less than $5 then I could care less about that stuff, but if I'm paying over $10 I better be getting some goodies. I can't remember what I bought... I think it was three things, but it could be two. The Ganglians' Monster Head Room... and I think a King Tuff shirt that I hope comes in Yellow and meDium. I had to do this essay on the definition of 'medium' after reading Marshall McLuhan's The Medium is the Massage. Now you want to talk about English majors dicking things up... the title was a misprint that they never corrected... and people were looking way too deep into things. Like, "Oh it means 'The medium is the mass age....'" Shit like that. I can do that too. "The me diu mist hem ass age." It doesn't make any sense but the word 'ass' is there.. I had a pretty awesome title for my essay. It was "Medi... ummmm..." I think I have a good enough blob going here. I'm sure I forgot something that I wanted to talk about... Bubblegum pop. Next time.... maybe.

?

Dude... is that guy made of plastic?

Black Zelda.

It took me all day, but I did it... I stuck a little music player up in the corner. So you better appreciate it because it was frustrating as hell with all that nerd computer code... I don't know how often I'll change it. I may not change it at all... But with what I have in there right now, I really don't need to change it... ever.

Press play. I dare you. Chicken.

If that doesn't work. Then don't press it. I don't want you to listen to it anyway.

I have no other means of convincing you, so unless you do it yourself or those two lines didn't work then you'll never hear what's there. I guess you can read about it... but what's the point in that? It's like reading about eating food. You don't go and read about eating a steak. You sharpen your teeth and bite right the shit out of a cow. Grrrrah! You're not a lion. Don't do that.

This is "Black Zelda" by King Tuff. It's off of their album, Mindblow. I'm not going to analyze the song or anything... all you need to know is that it'll make you move or groove or whatever the hell you do. The only copy that's being sold is in England... somehow. But you know what you can do? You can go to Colonel Records and grab yourself a copy of Was Dead. It's like Mindblow, but on... how do I explain this. It's like you're on acid, and then you're on more acid. No... That's horrible. I shouldn't reference any drugs... For all I know acid is the most horrible experience ever and the people that like it are just into that sort of thing... It's like you're eating cookies. Delicious cookies. Mindblow is like eating a delicious cookie... so Was Dead is like eating a delicious cookie too... except it was baked by the world's best cookie chef... on the moon... and you're invited. Pack your bags friend... You're going to the MOON!

I was going to talk about selling out too... because look at Burger Records... SOLD OUT! You're thinking of the wrong kind of selling out... This is the good kind.

"Black Zelda" isn't on Was Dead... but really, buy that album and the second you hear "Just Strut" you'll say, "God Damn, This is the best LSD laced cookie I ever ate... and you hotdogs shouldn't be on the Moon... It's the 4th of July, You're supposed to be inside my Uncle Tommy's stomach right now. Freeeeeze! Or I'll shoot you all with this banana... I'm taking you all home so my Uncle Tommy can eat you... especially you... the one with the cowboy hat and lasso."

Wait... oh.


Good night.



Even I don't know what's going on... Dude was just casually walking home shirtless when he got tangled up in an aggressively positioned mannequin's arms.

bz

I was going to do something... but it's not working. and it's late. and hey, this font is different. Deal with it.

The heart beats. Give it a snare drum. Toss it some sticks. Throw a cymbal or two in there while you're at it. When you're done, all you need to do it pick up a guitar or bass or something and just go with the lovely beats.

I keep telling myself things. I should start listening.

cool

I read today that The Velvet Underground wanted to hook up light sensors to their instruments so that the pitch would change depending on the lighting of the environment. Do what you want with that. I think that's fascinating.

I realized a couple days ago that if I learned braille, I could read 3 books at the same time. One with my eyes, the second, as an audiobook, with my ears, and the third with my hands in braille. Actually, if I get good enough, I can push that to 4 books at the same time if I use my tongue. If I can figure out a way to smell words I'll be a genius.

Chinese people have this story about a frog in a well. Look it up.

Cool today, is not cool.

crack a smile

My dreams are blending in too much with reality. It's gotten to a point where I'm so damn certain that the stuff in my dreams actually happened.

Michael Jackson

If you're reading this like.. 30 years from now, all you need to know is that he was king of pop.

like Mike.

I ate some baby corn and now I feel like some sort of savage. The can called it "Young Sweet Corn" but I knew exactly what it was when I bit into its delicious corny... ear? Wait. I'm like Mike Tyson. Except this corn isn't headbutting me. It's just being corn. I like corn. If you ever want to be like Mike... The Tyson variety Mike... not... Tyson Chicken, but Tyson Tyson.... The one you don't eat... So if you want to be like Mike, then just eat baby corn. You can fulfill your dreams of eating children and ears at the same time... No. Mike Tyson is great.






.....YEAH MAN! Suplex that shit! When the green dude lands they'll be in the most awkward position.

dot

My fingers smell like onions. I can't eat my fingers so they smell bad.

trash can

My Mom told me that if she did drugs she would have sold me a long time ago so she could get another hit of opium. She also tells me she got me out of a trash can.

canned corn.

She has hearts in her eyes... how can she see anything? They're like damn sunglasses. I don't know where she's looking. She could be looking at me... but for all I know she could be asleep.



So. It's not about canned corn. I lied.

"You talkin' to me?"

Ok. call me a hero. I don't care anymore. Maybe I'm in denial. But really I'm not. I'm humble as fuck so I don't take it very well. Again... the fact that I have no explanation as to why I'm a "hero" bothers me. I don't know who said it. I don't know why they said it... So the pieces don't fit. People tell me I'm too logical about things. Fuck it. I'm not going to change... and you have no idea if I'm being serious.







"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?"

?

I don't know.

I don't fucking know.

i'm not writing a title today

Peanuts are good. Peanuts are.... good. Not Snoopy, Charlie Brown, and weird lesbians Peanuts... but peanuts. The nuts...

I was playing the guitar today... and it sounded like Yo la Tengo... the band. not the Mexican phrase. Spanish phrase... So not that I was playing and I got it... but it sounded like that lovely band with the sleepy music for the moon. That's who they're playing for really, the moon. Except that song about cherry chapstick... dude, I have cherry chapstick. Except I wear a bit more than that... the girl in the song doesn't quite have much to cover herself. And if she were to cover herself... it would take a lot of cherry chapstick. and it would be gross. Nobody likes stuff to be gross. Except for that one thing... it's gross but it's cool. What am I talking about? I don't know... you tell me. Stop! that's grooooosssssss.

Can they invent headphones that don't make your ears hot and also don't pinch your ears. I've been looking at these AKG's... They're like $300 which is crazy. I have these $40 headphones and I thought those were expensive. I bet I can hear all sorts of stuff if I use those AKG's though. Like if I listen to the Beatles through those... I bet I can hear John Lennon say, "Fuck you" at least 9 times in every song. And then I'll realize why Sgt. Pepper is always placed so high on greatest albums lists... Really... it's good... but I can't stick that stuff on repeat... Billy Sheers again? You son of a BITCH!!! Oh hey, Beatles Rock Band? Could be fun to play these songs. A lot of the songs these days are all rock without the roll. And you have to have the roll... those of you who smoke marijuana know how important rolls are. You should really stop smoking though... I don't think it's good for you. Unless. Unless! You make use of your altered state of mind. Look at Dr. Dre. "Wake up in the AM / Compose a beat.... something something D-R-E." The guy is a doctor without a phd. Actually, I heard in one song that he does have a phd... it's in mixology.

Um... what else.

I'd like to write a song that is so damn dark, but at the same time so damn uplifting... damnit. Why can you write that as a single word and get away with it. Damnit. Damn it. No red underlines. And just to make sure the spell check is still on... flagabag. margibond. Ok. I think it's off. Those words didn't get underlined. Wait... what the hell. it is on. Oh. Nevermind. It's on. but it's off. This is stupid. Damnit written like that is incorrect. I was going to say that the two words really need to be closer together. Because the further they drift... they less effective the words are. For example...

Fuck.....




































... you.




and you feel nothing. and i feel nothing. screw the shift keys. i'm done with it. good night.

No more hero.

Give me a couple seconds... or minutes.




Ok. Here we go. Hero. "Hero" as it was put. It bothers me that I'm being called that. I made popcorn and I'm not eating it because it's bothering me so much that I need to write this. I am so bothered by this that I think I'm going to do something... something horrible. something awful... something so heinous... that you'll vomit just by reading about it.... no... I won't say. I won't say what it is. Probably because if I write it, that means I'm reading it... which means I'll throw up. So yeah. I don't understand. Why? Why call me a hero. It bothers me because I can't answer that question. It's not like you're saying... "Hey, you eat dog." Which is completely understandable, because a) I'm Chinese and b) I'll try anything once.... except for that. You're gross. Stop being gross... Groooooooossssssssssssssssssssssss. But really, I'm not a hero.... I'm going to eat my popcorn now... I'll get back to this later... hold on....


Ok. What was I saying... Hero. Don't call me a hero... or if I may. Don't call me a fucking hero. pardon my French... or Italian. Actually, I think the word 'Fuck' originates from some sort of Irish or Scottish thing... I always get the two mixed up. So pardon that stuff. Yeah. I'm not a hero. Don't call me a hero. If you want to call me something then think of something other than hero... unless you're some big time writer... then hey, call me a hero and then call me and offer me a job. I'll write the shit out of whatever you write... no... wait. Yeah! do that. Just keep me away from the Shakespearean stuff. "Thou art a dastardly bastard..." Sooooooo good with rhyming as you can see. Almost too good. So good that people will feel so bad when they hear it. "Oh. Why can't I think of something like that. Why why why? This dummy retard is soo damn good at rhyming..."

Well... I'll stop now. I'm no Hero...

I'm eating canned peas and it tastes like kindergarten... Kinder-care with Miss Anna or Mrs. Anna and Michael... no Mr. Mike who drew pictures for us... that's all I remember. Michael was my black friend and Gregory was my white friend. Blake was also white. Gregory brought in this glow in the dark Swamp Thing toy that I play with all through nap time. I scored this really nice spot where I can hide my toys under this shelf thing.

Oh hey. I got a hit from Tel Aviv... neat.

That is all. Unless I think of something else.

d.r.eam.

do.
re.
mi.

dun

You need to walk through a huge crowd of people pushing and shoving your way through... just because everybody wants to be all Newtonian and show off the First Law. No. No. No. Fuck you Newton. I'm going to take this up to the Second Law and shove the shit out of these people. I'm going to shove them like each and every one of them was Hitler and they were standing at the edge of a cliff... "Yeah, I shoved that fucker so hard he bounced back up off the floor. You know what I did? I shoved him again, but this time harder... and the fucker went through the floor." And now for the Third Law... my hands hurt because all these dorks were shoving my hands with their bodies... what a bunch of assholes. Where am I going with this? Don't ever become famous... but then again, that's the only way you can get away with this. Catch 22.... or 23. No. 24. Catch 24. Kobe Bryant. The NBA Finals... basketball. A lack of Chinese people. Hamburger restaurants. Food Poisoning. Cross Contamination. Bacteria. Biological treatment of wastewater. Solid waste...

Now I have nowhere to go.

Lay. lie. down.

I'm trying these old AKG's and they just pinched the shit out of my ears... I guess that's why they put that foam stuff in there. Everything is moving funny right now... I'm going to lay down... lie down. I still don't know which one.

Burger Records

Just go here:

Burger Records

Or if you're into reverse psychology... Don't.

All the answers to life's problems. Blah blah blah... how about I call you stupid unless you go there?




stupid.

down...

The great downward spiral.


Enjoy the ride.

No time for us.

I'm almost certain that I've heard this before. But I haven't. A movie that never existed. Only in my mind... it's always in my mind.

Anger.

Anger. Such anger in a dream. Never have I felt that way. Only in a dream. I hope that anger remains in dreams. It was the amount of anger where it brings a person to tears. Where you're so enraged that your body just can't control itself. You cry. All over something so little too. Something that in real life don't have too much meaning to me. But it was as if there were some sentimental value to them in my dream. They were thrown to the floor... and I lost it. I lost control of everything. I screamed and yelled and everything. It was all too vivid for me.


By the way, there were people who had this really elaborate hole in the ground with seats and shelves for drinks and I think there was a TV involved... These holes were at the beach and the people just sat in them. The soil was very well compacted for being at the beach, but nobody else cares about soil compaction.

Taste of Cindy (more)

And I tried and I tried
But she looked right through me
Knife in my head when she talks so sweetly
Knife in my head when I think of Cindy
Knife in my head is a taste of Cindy

Taste of Cindy

If you put on really big pants you can act like you're losing weight. Or you can eat more and gain weight until those pants fit.




Crack of dawn
Cindy's movin' on
She's talking Cindy to everyone
'Til shes had her fun

She and me
We twist the sun and sea
Still she's talking to everyone
Cindy's had her fun

Though I've heard it before
Still I need more and more
But I just can't get away
Cindy kills me every day

And I tried and I tried
But you looked right through me
Knife in my head when she talks so sweetly
Knife in my head when I think of Cindy
Knife in my head is the taste of Cindy

sickkkkkk...

My head is swimming which is strange because I myself don't really know how to swim. The bastard has been keeping it a secret for all these years...

This whole being sick thing is not fun anymore. It was fun a couple days ago. But not anymore. Perhaps mixing medicine isn't the best idea. My nostrils were so dry...

If I vomit it'll be fun again.

hana mizu ga deru

I was sick earlier, but now I feel so much better. Except my allergies are acting up. My body is such a retard.

I'm so lazy right now. I'm so lazy that I don't want to do my homework. But now... now it's gotten to a point where I don't even want to copy my homework. But during this time, I've come to the conclusion that honey is the laziest stuff ever. Just look at it... you'll know exactly what I'm talking about....... I think I'm sauced.


I was listening to the drums in "Some Candy Talking" and I thought... I think I want to cry. I didn't... but what the hell...

sick

I'm sick.

and it feels awkward.

who knows...

I'd hate to be taking a shit during an earthquake. You'd be swaying from side to side and everything. And it's like come on tectonic plates... I don't want to fucking dancing. I'm trying to take a shit.

Bread is delicoius. wait. Delicious. there we go. It's delicious. fuck anybody who thinks otherwise. Not like that makes a difference. You're probably the type that fucks anybody who thinks anything. If it moves or some shit like that. I sure and cursing a lot today.


hold on.... tetris.


Not a difference on Sprint.... I wanted to use the f-word somewhere... no... not fun.

Uh... not so well on Ultra. I used "not" to describe both... but both had completely different meanings.

I was thinking... "The Velvet Underground never had a song called 'Come Together.'" And I'm right. Don't even look it up.

Hold on.... I need to watch this tv thing.

stuff

I ate a can of corn.

My nose must be Usain Bolt because it's running.

I listened to "Who Loves the Sun" on the drive home. I'm almost certain that something. I forget what.

Mixing lots of different kinds of alcohol and... I forget what about this too.

hana mizu ga deru.

It makes me feel better that she's in good hands. So now, I don't need to worry.

13 songs is what I was told to learn. Again... I'll be learning 14.

They'll probably be a bunch of Velvet Underground songs.

What do you mean you've never heard of the Velvet Underground?

Now that the song has ended, I'm going to do something.


always something.

april skies

See how far it takes you. If people are happy I'll be happy, even if it is at my expense... or something like that.

"I'm going back for the good of my health."

numb

You know what the worst part about this is... I don't even have genuine feelings about this to write a song about it. I'm just numb... and we all know there'll never be another song about being numb that is as great as Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb." Only... I'm not talking about drugs. That's what they were talking about right? Because if it was about dicks or something horrible like that I can definitely top it.


Eh... something will come to me.

Use it.

I forgot to move Richie Rich so his sack of rich man's money wouldn't be cut off in mid air. Oh well. That how you know a guy's rich. His sack isn't sack shaped because he's dragging gold bars in them that make it flat on the sides. That'll suffice as an excuse. So nobody better give me shit about it... Everything else is pretty much bullet proof and if I can get one person to fall into my little trap at the end I'll be happy. Yeah. Normal engineering flyers are boring. This one is awesome. If it isn't let me know.

I did quite well on my midterm and pretty damn good on my quiz. 'Quite well' means 33/35 which means I went all Kareem Abdul Jabar on it... or 33 1/3 on it. Those are the only 33's I know. And 'damn good' means 14/15... I can't to shit with those numbers. If I add them I get 29... THAT SHIT IS PRIME!

Why would anybody want the bad news first?



Use it. that's all I have to say. "Turn everything awful, stupid, and embarrassing to your advantage." Something like that...

Birthday with balls

My birthday is a ball sack. It's a sack for balls. I saw on the Taiwanese news that some guy got his balls bit by a snake. But the reporter and all other Taiwanese people don't have a word for testicles or something so they reported it as being bit in the "egg-eggs." I'm sure the news of snakes in your toilet is untrue though... they showed clips from Snakes on a Plane or something because the picture quality and lighting were really different.

Ok... maybe it's not a ball sack. In fact that's the only occurrence of balls I had during the day.

24

Sounds like good advice.
Sounds like goooood fucking advice.



Don't ever change.

devo and wine.

Maybe I've mentioned this before, but Times New Viking is great... which means 'Devo and Wine' is great. I can't quite make out the lyrics, but the parts I can make out are pretty good. This of course, is a very good tie in to the dream I had last night...

What the hell was I doing in Ohio and why was I living with such a strange family. I woke up after we decided to have a sword fight or something. Now how screwed up is that. I had to lay there for a while and just let it all sink in. Yes, I actually dreamed about Ohio and yes, it was Ohio. Nothing against Ohio... I've just never been there. It's like dreaming about being inside a shark, the wall street kinds. What a bunch of bastards.

All I have to say is, "If that's what it takes, then that's what it takes." What happens with me is... something. You don't actually know. I smile a lot and I talk.

Now... if you really look into things and put alllllllllll the pieces together... you'll figure out why I'm writing so much today and why I was writing so little the past few days. It's high school English all over again. Diction, Syntax, and Style. Think about it. Long and hard (that's what she said, as my friend would add) and you'll figure it out. You're smart. Or you're stupid. If you're stupid it's because you're reading too much of this shit. My writing does not invoke some of that stuff.... thought. It's just a bunch of words put together in a random order and it flows nice. What the shit?

I think my birthday is on Monday. I have to check the calendar. I'm probably going to be designing a landfill... that's not a joke. I'm being serious. Me serious? That scares the hell out of me. But I'll be designing that. It's for a class project. Some ass landfill in Minesota or something. And you might be saying, "Well that's no way to spend a birthday." And you're probably right, but I don't care. With all that Einstein stuff about relativity my birthday could be so far away that I'll never reach it if I tried... my arms are not long like a monkeys.

-----------------------------------------------
cut here


wHEN DID I HIT THE CAPSLOCK BUTTON? Stupid... Maybe because I have the lights off. Oh. I was writing on a piece of paper in the dark last night. I wonder how that turned out. I'll probably write some more in the dark tonight. I'd use a candle, but I'd probably knock it over and burn the house down. NOt good... That's not the capslock button. I just really like the shift button.

"Kiss kiss Molly's lips / Kiss kiss Molly's lips / Kiss kiss Molly's lips..."

Now. NOw. NOW... now. I think... something. I need to write a damn song... or cover the shit out of somebody else's. I can only come up with pieces... nothing really complete. I'm not going to sing a song that has one line.

Oh. we went and sang karaoke a couple nights ago. I don't know what the machine thought of me.

I'm going to groove on the guitar for a couple minutes... hold on. hold on.


hold on!


Nothing happened.


Is Psychocandy or Darklands the better album?

Darklands. I don't know why. It just is. Don't argue... because you're probably right.








Stephanie says...

give up

It's in Spanish. But it's Neil Young.

I want to write more, but all that's been in my mind the whole day was the words "give up." So I'll do just that. I'll give up... just for one day.

It's all a blur anyway.



"Sometimes I walk sideways / to avoid you / when I've annoyed you..."

darklands

"There's something warm about the rain."

sleep.

Benches? What a stupid gift.

I'm going to get some sleep.




if you look at it hard enough there's more to see.
but if you look too hard you're seeing something that isn't really there.


Good night.


"Everything is all right when you're down."

good

I need to hear something good. Good news. Good music. Good elephant farts. I don't care. Just make it good.

My left eye is closed right now because I think my eyelashes are stabbing it.

gone

I act like there's a camera on me all the time except when there's a camera on me.



"And we tried so hard / and we looked so good / and we lived our lives in black / but something about you felt like pain / you were my sunny day rain."

pale blue eyes

I went to a karaoke place tonight. There was one Velvet Underground song to sing. It was "Pale Blue Eyes." I don't know if I should be so happy or so sad about that... or maybe it just makes me mad. I don't know. That's all I got.

Linger on.
Your Pale Blue Eyes.

donald duck orange juice.

My orange juice has calcium in it. Now my cup has calcium in it. The calcium is going to stay in my cup because it somehow managed to separate itself from the orange juice. Because the calcium has made such an effort to separate itself so that it may settle out along the bottom of my cup, I won't drink it. I'll let it sit there. You have to give the particles credit for not wanting to be absorbed by the powerful human digestive system. So, here's to you calcium. Mr. or Miss Ca2+. You will not be drunk. Did I mention that the orange juice is Donald Duck orange juice?



It looks kind of gross too.

thought

I'm going to sit here and just think for a while.




That was horrible.

upgrade

I need new music to play in the car. The music I'm playing in there right now is good... but there is better music. So this stuff needs to get upgraded. Like sticking arms on an armless person. UPGRADE! Like putting wheels on a toilet and riding to work. UPGRADE! Like eating too much fish and attracting all the cats in the neighborhood to crawl around you... UPGRADE... if you're into cats.


"and heaven I think is too close to hell."

one THOUSAND words

tomorrow

The Dagobah System?

something.

Something something something something. Something something something? SOMETHING! SOmething something something something something something something something... something.

something sometimes someone somewhere somebody... something.

cigarettes.

I got it. A 3.28ft (1m, because my ass is metric) cigarette. Do you have any idea how ridiculous you'd look if you smoked that thing? Now... I get the giggles just thinking about it. I see... that generic guy you always see riding on one of those big old timey bikes. You know, well dressed, bowler hat, mustache... etc. And he's just pulling this long cigarette out of his custom made extended pockets... and he has to use two damn hands to smoke the damn thing. It's ridiculous. Even more ridiculous would be a crazy cigarette... sort of like a crazy straw but a cigarette. I'm full of great ideas like this. Oh. and about those custom pockets... if our hands were bigger or our arms were longer we'd have pockets that went down to our knees and were like potato sacks..

912. I dialed the shit out of 912.

I keep feeling earthquakes. I'm pretty sure there were two yesterday. And somewhat sure that there was one earlier today... the one I felt right now was probably my ass. My ass hurts. I've been sitting too long. And I must've misspelled cigarettes like seven times while writing this. It was coming out like... Cigaretets. Sounds like sugar tits... or a Vietnamese holiday that you smoke.

Woah... ok. I'm not listening to that song.

or this song...

or that one or the next one.

But this one..........


No. the next one.



"I'll come running to you, honey, when you want me."


Ok. halfway through that song I skipped to the next one.


Bonus Material (!!!!!!!!):
I think you stupid and you're a dummy and you smell like old cheese that's been licked by a guy that ate tuna and cat food and you like to kiss that guy after he does that which is why you smell the way you smell and you're dumb and stupid at the same time so two wrongs make a right so you're actually smart and that smell I was smelling wasn't really you but it was a fish that somebody threw under my desk as a prank and I never really found it until now and the smell really makes me want to throw up but I can't because it'll go all over my keyboard and it'll make it not work and it'll probably not feel too good and I saw where I threw up last week and it made me smile except I don't remember there being such a large splash so it's like it really spread out after I drove off and yeah I threw up right before I drove home because I ate too much lukewarm unmoist food at Chili's that night, which by the way, brings you some punctuation or something like that but you really don't care and you have no idea what the hell I'm even talking about and i'm not going to capitalized anything anymore because it's too much of a hassle and if i do somebody is going to call me a nerd and i'll have to tell them, 'fuck you!' and i'll feel bad for saying that but then i'll think of something else like that damn extended cigarette and i'll laugh and luagh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and lang and yeah.... good night.

missing. still.

Something's still missing.


"Smiling faces not forgotten 'cause I love you."

Missing

Something's missing here.


"Cause you know we go together like wine and Devo."

sometimes

___________________________________
___________________________________
___________________________________
___________________________________
___________________________________
___________________________________
___________________________________


Write your own stuff today. My mind is a mess.

hero? part 2.

I have a glass of water on my desk. I bet the water tastes all gross because it's warm and it's been sitting there for a while. Annnnnnnd.... after consuming said water, it wasn't so bad. It was bland... like water's supposed to be. It's nothing like that Vitamin Water stuff. That stuff is great. I tried making my own vitamin water by tossing some Centrum into my water. It tasted like so much shit. This, of course, was before the time of swallowing your pills and stuff was really in fashion. No... not that stuff.

Hey! What the hell? I'm still a hero to someone. How does this even happen? At least with Spiderman it's like... "Oh no! That radioactive spider just bit the shit out of my hand and now I have to use my spider powers to beat up all sorts of sick freaks that have too much time on their hands. I. am. a. HERO!" What am I supposed to do? I don't even know. I'd go out and beat somebody up but I'll either get beat up myself or I'll get thrown in jail for beating up somebody that was holding two ice cream cones or popsicles or something. The fucker had two! One's just going to melt as he eats the other. Don't tell me that person is going to eat two ice creams in weather like this before one melts too... That's called a brain freeze. I'm just beating some sense into the retard because nobody likes sticky hands. Sticky Fingers on the other hand... is a pretty good album.

But no, seriously. I'm glad somebody's getting something out of this. I don't know who you are Gabba Gabba person, but thanks for reading. I take it by the "hero" comments that this stuff is making you smile or something... or maybe you're some villain type and this stuff makes you frown. I just killed a mosquito... and if you're a villain, I just don't know what to do then. Stop reading it if it's making you frown. Go read some evil shit that makes you smile. Like... Green Eggs and Ham. Green? And that pushy little hairy mandog character that pressures the hell out of the other guy into eating that mossy green stuff... If I didn't know any better, which I don't, I'd say that this is the single most evil piece of literature ever written.

I was supposed to sleep earlier today.



"And even though you're so near / You still feel so far away"

buckets

Fuck this... I'm playing Tetris.

How do you tell somebody you love them? You drink lots of chocolate milk or strawberry milk and hope the words come out in the right order. Oh. and you should also make sure that it's just words that are coming out of your mouth... the other stuff can send the wrong message. Like, "Get me a bucket."

you!

I'm sitting here shivering because I don't realize just how cold I really am. I am just melted. Melted by the perfect song at the perfect time. I don't care if I end up with a fever.

I miss her too.

hawaii

Let me tell you about Hawaii...



Some other time maybe.


Well, I'll say this. The second day I was back in California my skin was orange.


Hawaii is a dick.

Hope

You know what happens when you take the "p" out of "hope?" Yeah. You ruin it.

Random screening my ass.

sunday... morning.

I should write this all down while it's still in my mind. It's weird though... what's in my mind isn't what I want. But I feel compelled to write it down. I don't know what to think or say. All I know is that something should be there. I'm so close to getting all the words and sounds put together, but all I have are pieces and those pieces don't fit together. So how do you write down nothing so you can remember it later?


When I was younger, I saw the shadow of the Grim Reaper outside my window and it scared the shit out of me.


I'll be in Hawaii for a while.


"And the reason for my broken heart is all because of you."

hero?

I'm a hero? I must be doing stuff in my sleep or something because the stuff I do when I'm awake... isn't exactly hero material. Uh... I'm awake when I'm in the bathroom. I'll leave it at that. So unless some sewer people left me that comment because I killed the sewer monster when I flushed a knife down the toilet, then this whole "hero" thing should be applied to someone more deserving. Like the sewer person who (whom) throws knives out of the gutters to kill land monsters.

3-2 = 1

And this is also valid:

3-2 = 1!

And this too:

3² - 2² - 2² = 1

And this:

-(3 - 2 x 2) = 1

And...

321 /3 = That shit is prime!

3 - 1 = 2

These guitar strings make my fingers smell like I've been rubbing the Statue of Liberty.


3 - 1 = 2

I'm all right.

Daylight savings time is really weird. Just last night the hour between 2:00 and 3:00 in the morning didn't exist. Then later in the fall, you'll have an hour appear twice. 1:00 to 2:00 once... and then again when you set the clock back. If you're ever going to commit a crime these are the days to do it. Especially when you do the whole falling back thing. Because then you can be in two places at the same time. How do police officers write their reports during that hour?

These words are coming out a lot calmer than I thought. Hey... I don't feel like swearing. That's a good sign.

5 pages.

I swear and yell too much in my mind.

IT'S A GOD DAMN PROBLEM!

a picture

I wish I had more to say.





But I don't.

Here's a picture:


It's a god damn cigarette!

haz day

Let's see...

$1.99 for a bottle of D&G brand whiskey.
Something called "Haz Day." As in Hazardous Day.
And apparently people dance on Haz Day.
And there was a really steep walkway and a drippy parking structure.
Inside there was a supermarket where I saw the D&G whiskey.
And next to the liquor was cupcakes.



"What is this? Apple juice? Beer!?"

the dark.

I'll tell the world.

It pains me to feel so dark.

one more thing.

Oh. I almost forgot:

"My hair looks like I just got out of jail."



and Sheena is a punk rocker. I was reminded numerous times in a song.

strawberries and oranges.

You ______ like you've been sniffing glue and listening to the Vivian Girls.

A) Sound
B) Taste
C) Feel
D) Look
E) I'm fucking senseless and I don't know what the fuck is going on


Wait. People are supposed to have 5 senses right? That's why that movie was called "The 6th Sense." I forgot one... but I'm too lazy to think of which one. Oh. Nevermind. It was smell. When are we going to see the prequels to "The 6th Sense?" People will pay good money to hear such lines as:

"I smell strawberries."


Why do I always smell strawberries? Or oranges? I always think somebody is making jello. But they're not. How do I know? Because they never invite me over to eat jello.


dicks.

456

Do I look tired?

I know an ostrich that got scared, stuck his head in the ground, and drowned. Damn you groundwater. I'm going to have a rabid dog bite me before I take my midterm later, just so I can be that much more vicious. Can you imagine if James Bond were to have rabies? "Hello. Cheerio. Raaaah!" and only that kid from the Old Yeller story will be able to save us from that sexy english bastard.

Something's wrong with my right foot. I had to tie it up.

ad = surface
ab = inside

I need to figure out a way to remember that. ds and bi. perfect. hand held gaming and bi-sexuals.

I feel so cold.



ecstasy of gold
head on
sympathy for the devil

groundwater exam

Me? I'm not feeling well.. I'll press any button that's in front of me. Even if it's red. A big red button. I'll press the hell out of it. Blam! I think I'm going to vomit. Do you think that.. Do you think that? DO. YOU! think that.... this is just awful. I'm cold and all I have is a blanket from my childhood to keep me warm..

Back to the books. The groundwater exam doesn't stand a chance. When I'm done with it you'll need its dental records to identify it.


I have more to say... but I. I I I I i I'm not feeling well.

guh.....g.

Something's bothering me... or I have to pee. Hold on. I'm going to go pee.

No. Something's bothering me.



Sleep? I don't need sleep. Sleep is what retards do when something something... I'm going to sleep.

groundwaaater.

I'm pretending my water is some alcoholic beverage. It's the only way I'm going to get another single spaced page out of me. My professor wants me to write about China's groundwater. I'll tell her about China's groundwater.

China's groundwater is full of monkey piss and used tiger droppings. Chinese people don't deserve any water because they'll just piss in it and get sick when they drink it. They keep shitting in the water and dumping chemicals in it in hopes of creating a Godzilla-like monster so they can make some really cheesy movies too. Pretty soon Chinese people will lift that one child per family rule and start throwing people in giant juice machines to hydrate themselves and as always they'll use the bones to get erections.

Something like that... and relax I'm Chinese. It's my duty to say stuff like this.

commercials

I learned that 50 square feet = 100 pet urine spots... probably the most useful conversion since the whole foot to inches thing.. or the metric system. and the next commercial had a guy using an electric shaver underwater.


Too too too too too tooooo much!

briefcase in the hallway

Are you serious? Because that sounds kind of queer. But... "alas" it is neither serious nor queer.

This shitty bootleg coffee never does anything. I still don't know if it really does have caffeine in it or not. The important thing is that my mind thinks it does... I'm being such a damn owl it's not even funny. Please check the room of my floor (Yes, that's just as crazy as it sounds. I'm not fixing it.) tomorrow to find owl pellets filled with all sorts of furs and bones of rodents. You'd be surprised at what you find in those things. We dissected them in 6th grade. There were at least 4 skulls in there. And just a ridiculous amount of bones. We labeled most of them femurs or we said it belonged to voles or something. The teacher had us glue them down on shoebox lids. We were like loser poachers displaying their dumb hunting trophies of small rodents. So you know what? Forget about being an owl... I'm going to be a dinosaur. "I don't care which one, I just want to be extinct" as my old writing teacher put it.

People just freak out if you leave a briefcase in the hallway. They stop and stare. I found it all very odd. It's just a briefcase.

headphones

My ipod headphones broke. Well... the left one broke and then I broke the right one trying to fix the left one. I know, I'm very talented like that.

homework.

I'm not going to do my homework.


That's it.

how?

I'm sitting in the dark with a briefcase full of chocolate bars next to me. Just tell me this hasn't been done in a movie and I'm doing it...

Nevermind. Where's my guitar?

too late

For whatever reason, I kept thinking that I forgot to close doors. I got to school got out of my car, walked far enough so my car was out of sight and then I thought that I forgot to close my car door. So I went back to check. I then opened the passenger door and dumped off a book or something, then the same distance away, I thought I had forgotten to close my passenger door. Then I dealt with mainly doors that automatically close or doors that are meant to remain open, but when I got home and used the microwave that same "Did I forget to close the door" feeling came creeping back. Just think about it. Did you remember to close your car door? I have to make every single one of my actions so memorable that it doesn't bother me for an entire day. Did I close my car door? Hell yes I closed my car door. I ordered 19 elephants to kick an ostrich at my door to close it. Pretty soon PETA will be on my ass if I keep that up.

I got a record player. The record player came in a box that was in a box that was in another box with a piece of paper in it and it can even be argued that the record player itself is another box. What was really bothersome about it was each box was even more tightly fitting than the last. Either I misread something or they changed the meaning of "automatic." I don't know. I don't have room in my room for speakers, but this one has them built in. Sometimes I put the player on the wrong setting and thingggssss.... plllllaaaaaaaaaayyy... verrrrrrrryyy... slooooowwwwwllly. But when have I known what I was doing? My Dad told me that people listen to CDs these days.

Groundwater is no fun.

I feel like screaming in slow motion.

new year

It's the year of the ox. Remember in Oregon Trail where your ox would die from typhoid or like.. oxen cancer or something? Neither do I. I don't remember much about that game. Except me and my buddy would load up on guns and bullets instead of clothes and extra wheels and other essential items for survival. That's probably why we never could beat our teachers score. He was smarter than us at the time. But seriously.. the best part about that game was the hunting. So I don't think we did anything wrong by choosing the doctor or lawyer who had the most money and just go nuts with our 2nd amendment rights. Yeah... I think it's the 2nd. So we'd go hunting and just shoot the hell out of whatever moved. We mostly filled the screen with buffalo, bears, and the occasional deer. The small animals moved too damn fast. And that message of only being able to carry back 1 buffalo never phased us either. We went for the high score every time. At least 4 buffaloes were shot plus a random assortment of other animals who managed to dive in front of our bullets. Why the hell am I talking about Oregon Trail... Happy New Year.

()90o

"Back into your cocoon butterfly."

red sweater

I for some reason had a dream about a girl where I gave her an oversized red sweater I was wearing. And she smiled sweetly.

I think I need to get a red sweater. But I don't wear sweaters unless they have buttons, which would make it a cardigan. Buttons are so stylish. Except on pants. My dad told me why I should never buy button-fly pants, because that shit gets to be the most complicated thing in the world in a time of duress (ie when you have to pee).

I feel so light headed. My printer is all kinds of mad at me for forcing in high quality paper though it's wonderfully precise mechanisms. Those stupid printer fumes make me soooooo light headed... how the hell do people who sniff glue and huff paint enjoy this?