wallpaper

Wallpapering something with this many curves is a... something. I wan to say "bitch" but that doesn't quite make any sense to me.

magic eye

Remember those magic eye things? They were these pictures of a bunch of shit that was thrown together. You were supposed to stare at them and stuff would appear. I never saw anything, but I looked like a huge dork trying to make it work. I tried looking at one today on my computer... here I am hoping that I'd finally get to say, "Holy SHIT!" and fall backwards out of my seat because I saw Jesus or something... but no. I saw a lot of blurry roses. Just type in 'magic eye' into google. It's the one with all the roses... it'll take you to some religious website... Perhaps I am not worthy...

I threw up a couple days ago. How the hell do those eating disorder types do it? I got to a point where I coughed up a few drops of blood. Powerful shit that stuff..

wp

Confusion. That's whast's (mistake) in my mind. My fingers are not exactly coopperating (mistake). extra p? perhaps.

I wrote that yesterday... today's all about swine SARS or whale flu. Because that's where this is all going. We've gone from human flu to SARS to bird flu... completely skipping over bird SARS to swine flu. So next year watch out. I see Chinese people eating too much pork and somehow creating swine SARS. Or maybe all that shit that we dump in the ocean is getting to the things that live there... sure, seaweed flu probably already exists, but that isn't sexy to the media. The second whales get the flu we're all dead. and with the way the glaciers are melting they'll be rolling up on our drive ways and vomiting out their nasty virus infested stomach remnants.

A while back I had the idea of converting units of horsepower to whalepower. 1000hp would equal 1wp. So that makes my car 0.106wp. doesn't sound as sexy as 106... but it's pretty good. Let's throw it into slothpower and my car will be some crazy number. hahahaha... sloths..

To live in a whale....

I wish I knew Spanish... or like.. proper Spanish. All I know is the bad words.. Something about a heart... and blue.. and maybe purple. Davila 666, I'll figure it out one day.

total eclipse

foobar 2000... as unsexy as that name is it's so damn customizable that I'm going to deal with it. Think about it... iTunes... come on. That's unsexy too. there is no name for a music playing program that is sexy. Unless somebody names a music player Richard Simons... he's sexy right? Girls like Richard Simons... I think.

Wellllllllllllllll.... Foobar 2000. It's a music player. It does stuff. Why did I stop using iTunes? The shit wouldn't let me add my own album art. When I'm listening to The Velvet Underground's 1969 Live performance I want to see that transexual's ass set to a lime-ish green background. Not their so called "gold" album or some other thing that I don't remember... I want to see what appears to be a transexual's ass... or perhaps a woman's ass. It's pretty gross if it's a woman's ass. Not classy at all... AT ALL!

I'm watching Lost right now... There's so much shit that goes on. Is it some physics anomoly (word of the day... which i misspelled)... anomaly. There. spellcheck to the rescue. They're going to get off the island or they aren't. It's season 4.

I remember in the 6th or 5th grade the older kids at Sycamore Jr. High came to Sunkist Elementary and taught us littler ones about drugs by doing a skit to the tune of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tylor or some other person... So there's this addict played by somebody and the drugs are other students. The students are conveniently labeled with signs reading "marijuana", "cocaine", "acid", "super groovy mushroom pizza" that sort of stuff. So the addict dances around with her drugs. And then finally when she's done with them they're all lined up... and one by one she goes and turns them around... and they kneel down signifying the end of her addiction.. Doesn't really make any sense now when it's played with that song... but there's a total eclipse today.... or a few hours ago... I don't know. China time is screwed up.

Enjoy.



It's fucking terrifying at this hour... holy shit what am I watching... seriously... what the fuck? It's like they hired all the kids from Children of the Corn and said... okay scare the shit out of the people that watch this and make them reference Children of the Corn even though they haven't seen it. We'll make BILLIONS!

But really... total eclipse. not of the heart... well... maybe. Just leave those glowing eyed bastards out of it.

walls.

Ok. I'm done with itunes.




I have to go back and label all this stuff.

I'm using wallpaper to wallpaper things that aren't walls.... not walls. You'll see soon enough.

I thought I posted this already.

S

Each of their names start with "S"? That's just weird.

a big one

I have an amp. It's a somewhat small amp... 15 Watts. This amp terrifies me. It makes things shake and rattle. For whatever reason I tried to make the objects around my amp hit resonance and just crumble under their own uncontainable energy. That never happened though. I bet my eardrums would've gone out before anything else did. I have the volume set about an eigth of the way up... eighth... what a weird word to spell. It's up at 1/8 (That's easier) the volume and I think something's going to explode because the shit is so loud.

And now all I can think about is that only the blind can see. My mind is set on metaphors. One day I wish to complete a puzzle. I know exactly how this puzzle looks. But I lack the pieces to complete it. Sometimes I'll find a piece and try to make it fit, but that just changes how the puzzle looks. So the puzzle changes depending on which pieces I choose. Sometimes the pieces that are in place move... sometimes they fall out of the puzzle. So I have to find a new piece to take its place. But who wants to stare at a completed puzzle? You need that missing piece to drive you absolutely mad until you find it. You've read The Missing Piece by that scary looking fellow.. This damn pizza rolls around until it finds it's missing pizza slice. What's the point buddy, Somebody's just going to pull it out and eat it... and you get Pacman. Waka waka waka waka... beeeerrrruiruiruiruirruiiii.... the ghost got you.

Next is "Rock 'n' Roll Suicide" by David Bowie. But first he needs to say "Wham bam thank you ma'am."

My nose is runny. Not anymore, but it was runny. I put a scarf on. Which is rather strange in this absolutely hot weather we're having. I just felt cold... I was this close to typing 'gold.'

Now I just heard a song for the first time... and they're using the same strumming pattern and chords (I think) that I planned on using. What do I do about that?

Nevermind about the big one... There was a 2.9 earthquake a couple miles from me. And this blog isn't exactly big either. I have to go back and label all my posts... people will be very disappointed when they stumble upon my blog because it's just full of so much shit. But better to keep the shit in a bunch of zeroes and ones than to let it spill out of my mouth and onto the streets where children play...

Good night.

'quote'

So I told my ears... "Hey, Fuck you man. It's not my damn fault you don't have lids like my eyes..." We are currently not speaking...


I cut my hair, so my head is once again covered by a quarter inch of hair. Seeing as how 'this' 'follower' is 'Canadian' I have this to 'say'... That's 2.54 'cm' divided by 4... you 'hoser.' I don't 'feel' like doing the 'math.'

Ganglians - Monster Head Room [Lp] + 7"

I have a headache. I never got headaches while I was in school, but now that I'm out... I have a headache. I had to take my glasses off and everything. It's not pleasant at all. Also, I cut my nails too short. I think one of my fingers wants to bleed, but it can't or something. There's just this spot of red... So I'll monitor it. See how it turns out. If it bleeds on my guitar strings then that means my guitar will have tasted human blood.. it'll turn rabid or something. I forget how things end up after they taste human blood. It's also really hot. My arms are sticking to the desk. And that's probably the 9th time tonight that this guy's car alarm went off. He better be pushing the alarm button on accident because he swallowed his keys or something... because it's really annoying. And rather than cutting off this hangnail on my pinky I ripped it off. It's starting to sting... but none of that matters. I have The Ganglians spinning around. Not to sure about my music history... but I think the Beatles went to India or something... So just imagine that the Beach Boys went along with them, got lost in Nepal then rode swimming elephants back to California... That's what I was thinking when I was listening to this. I'm sure I could've been thinking of better things... like, what kind of cookies are the best (the ones with m&m's in them) or if I'd win a boxing match with a t-rex (it ends with me being eaten... but I had a really good reach advantage)... so there. Not much about the music that you need to know... just that it's better than 90% of the other stuff out now. Oh! One more thing... It comes with lyrics. Bonus points there.

This is "Voodoo." AND THAT SON OF A BITCH'S ALARM IS GOING OFF AGAIN... Seriously... there better be something ridiculous going on like a cat crawling around inside the engine and dicking around with the wires. At least then you'll have an interesting story to tell. So this is called "Voodoo." and... there.. it.. goes....... again.

Buy it here: Woodsist




Seriously... maybe somebody's actually trying to steal the car but is too stupid to move on to another one after the alarm goes off.

If you're not going to buy it try and find "Cryin' Smoke." It's getting a lot of play time on my end of things.



"Hopefully one day with some luck."

Hands

A follower is like a stalker... but not so creepy so it's cool. Jesus has many followers and far too many stalkers. So I have that person that calls me hero and now this person or maybe they're the same person or maybe I have multiple personalities that I don't know about and I talk to myself... So, I guess I'll have to stop wearing pants on my arms when I type this up... shhhhhh... they'll hear you.

This one's called "Hands."

King Tuff - Staircase of Diamonds

As requested by some random person who I hope is not worshiping me right now... ''Staircase of Diamonds.'' It's slow.

The Experiment

I've learned that apple seeds contain cyanide. This, of course, I know is true because I saw it in an episode of GI Joe. They shot a bunch of apples into a big ass bacteria that was eating everything in its path... so yeah, that confirms it. So if I happen to be eating an apple and it starts to taste like almonds, I'll stop. Because for whatever reason that apple has more cyanide in it than it needs. Hold on, I thought cyanide tasted like strawberries.... wrong. Wrong.... wrong. Where am I going with this. Apples are good. Red Deliciouseses...esessss... are indeed red, but are not exactly delicious according to my tongue. A recent survey showed that my tongue prefers the taste of fuji apples... the freakish breed of those giant red apples and like... little yellow apples from Vermont or something. Oh, and you know what? You dicks at Washington Apples need to make those damn stickers edible. I'm tired of ripping them off before I eat an apple... apple... Why'd I call this one "The Experiment" Anyway... I'm just talking about apples. This is why you write the titles last... so stuff like this doesn't happen. So apples. They keep the doctor away... and that's with only one. Who knows what may happen if you eat perhaps... 2. 2 apples a day keep the molesters away. I guess that works. It's not my fault the words have end rhyme. I'm a fucking poet! Here's the thing... when I try it sounds too plastic, so I have to go back and revise and revise and revise... then all you're staring at is a piece of shit that's phony. I wrote two damn good poems for a poetry class I took. One was about this nutcase which was pretty good.. the other was about self destruction and a lost love... or something like that. That's my story anyway... English majors will analyze the shit out of it and come up with some interesting theories. "Oh, the dude is homosexual look at this line, 'Be sure to pick up my laundry / Which has been bleached and bleached / To a point where the white is no longer white, / But a shade of white which resembles gray.' He spelled 'gray' g-r-a-y... instead of g-r-e-y... totally homosexual. You take the 'r' out and what do you get. Gay. He 'r' gay." Some shit like that. My professor liked that line. I read it now and it doesn't make any sense to me at all. I guess that's the point. This guy in the poem is nuts. 'Later, please take me to the other side, / Where the grass is always greener, / So I can steal a bit of green, to keep in a jar, / Which I will keep to use on a tree.' and the English major will say, "Green is such a gay color. Al Gore is gay. I don't have proof, but all signs point to him being gay. Who wants to drive little super efficient cars that run on the cyanide from apple seeds?" Did I close the last quote? Here." And of course there's my other brilliant one where I stole a bit from Mr. Cobain and his... Do. Re. Mi. Don't Rape Me... But you know, I couldn't say that. So the whole poem is blah blah blah... do. re. mi. then something that sounds like that. Dream. Dear me. Don't break me. but it all ends with. "Do. / Re. / Mi. / Do you remember me?" I think I was listening to Pink Floyd too. That's probably why Johnny Ramone stopped listening to everything before he came up with his.. grabhalghaghhabhbhabhabhahbababababababababab..... style. It's a good thing. You try and describe it. "She went away for the holiday..." The back of my head has been hurting for the past I don't know 2 weeks. One night I thought about screaming to keep me awake... so all that was going on in my head was... "AAAHAHAAAAAAAHHH!!!.. AAAAAHHH!!!." but like.. a lot. So that got annoying and I stopped. How do I pick up radio waves from Las Vegas too? Such crappy radio. Who listens to the radio anymore? I do you dick. I remember The Willowz CD that I got. The lyrics had no spaces. It was the most difficult thing to read, but you know what... I didn't care, because it came with the lyrics. All you get now most of the time Is a case some paper with pictures and no lyrics or any other fancy stuff. If I'm paying less than $5 then I could care less about that stuff, but if I'm paying over $10 I better be getting some goodies. I can't remember what I bought... I think it was three things, but it could be two. The Ganglians' Monster Head Room... and I think a King Tuff shirt that I hope comes in Yellow and meDium. I had to do this essay on the definition of 'medium' after reading Marshall McLuhan's The Medium is the Massage. Now you want to talk about English majors dicking things up... the title was a misprint that they never corrected... and people were looking way too deep into things. Like, "Oh it means 'The medium is the mass age....'" Shit like that. I can do that too. "The me diu mist hem ass age." It doesn't make any sense but the word 'ass' is there.. I had a pretty awesome title for my essay. It was "Medi... ummmm..." I think I have a good enough blob going here. I'm sure I forgot something that I wanted to talk about... Bubblegum pop. Next time.... maybe.

?

Dude... is that guy made of plastic?

Black Zelda.

It took me all day, but I did it... I stuck a little music player up in the corner. So you better appreciate it because it was frustrating as hell with all that nerd computer code... I don't know how often I'll change it. I may not change it at all... But with what I have in there right now, I really don't need to change it... ever.

Press play. I dare you. Chicken.

If that doesn't work. Then don't press it. I don't want you to listen to it anyway.

I have no other means of convincing you, so unless you do it yourself or those two lines didn't work then you'll never hear what's there. I guess you can read about it... but what's the point in that? It's like reading about eating food. You don't go and read about eating a steak. You sharpen your teeth and bite right the shit out of a cow. Grrrrah! You're not a lion. Don't do that.

This is "Black Zelda" by King Tuff. It's off of their album, Mindblow. I'm not going to analyze the song or anything... all you need to know is that it'll make you move or groove or whatever the hell you do. The only copy that's being sold is in England... somehow. But you know what you can do? You can go to Colonel Records and grab yourself a copy of Was Dead. It's like Mindblow, but on... how do I explain this. It's like you're on acid, and then you're on more acid. No... That's horrible. I shouldn't reference any drugs... For all I know acid is the most horrible experience ever and the people that like it are just into that sort of thing... It's like you're eating cookies. Delicious cookies. Mindblow is like eating a delicious cookie... so Was Dead is like eating a delicious cookie too... except it was baked by the world's best cookie chef... on the moon... and you're invited. Pack your bags friend... You're going to the MOON!

I was going to talk about selling out too... because look at Burger Records... SOLD OUT! You're thinking of the wrong kind of selling out... This is the good kind.

"Black Zelda" isn't on Was Dead... but really, buy that album and the second you hear "Just Strut" you'll say, "God Damn, This is the best LSD laced cookie I ever ate... and you hotdogs shouldn't be on the Moon... It's the 4th of July, You're supposed to be inside my Uncle Tommy's stomach right now. Freeeeeze! Or I'll shoot you all with this banana... I'm taking you all home so my Uncle Tommy can eat you... especially you... the one with the cowboy hat and lasso."

Wait... oh.


Good night.



Even I don't know what's going on... Dude was just casually walking home shirtless when he got tangled up in an aggressively positioned mannequin's arms.

bz

I was going to do something... but it's not working. and it's late. and hey, this font is different. Deal with it.

The heart beats. Give it a snare drum. Toss it some sticks. Throw a cymbal or two in there while you're at it. When you're done, all you need to do it pick up a guitar or bass or something and just go with the lovely beats.

I keep telling myself things. I should start listening.