lay lie lay lie...

I don't know what's going on....

87% happy.... Because the number 87 appealed to me. The only thing it has against it is that it's 13% away from 100 and it's divisible by 3... making it................ not a prime number. But... 27 isn't a prime number... and all its prime factors turn out to be 3. So... I need to lay down.

I need to lie down.


Still don't know which is correct.

Quick Reviews

Top Drawer - Solid Oak
Brillinat. I mean... Brilliant. There. It starts off with this chilling tune.. and warms you up with groovy shit. Good shit... like for you smoking types, how you say, "This is good shit.... iiiiiiiiiit!"

Times New Viking - Rip it Off
Scientists have discovered a way to breed fuzzy fuzzy sounds with other stuff. My kid is going to look awesome... no wait. I'm sure if they cleaned it up it would sound just fine... but it's fuzzzzy... or i don't know what you call it.

Jimi Hendrix - Electric Ladyland
It's Hendrix. Don't fuck with Hendrix... or you know what. I will fuck with him... because I want his ghost to haunt my ass with his guitaring from another planet. Fuck you Hendrix. Your album is shit. S-H-I-T. SHIT! You sound like a cow humping a chicken on the 3rd floor of the Empire State Building. Now somebody record that so people know how it sounds. But really... Sorry Mr. Hendrix... you're all right.

Idle Race - Back to the Story
Buy it... or steal it and then buy it. As long as the final step is buying it then I don't care what goes on before it. Just don't kill anybody.

Vashti Bunyan - Some Things Just Stick in your Mind
Buy this one too. It's really pretty sounding.

Teenage Fanclub - Songs from Northern Britain
Let's see... if I were English I think I'd have something to say about the north... or like... Cornwall or something. I'll just say these perverts have it away with your ears every time you listen to them. They have better albums I'm sure, but this is the one I have to write about. Let's see. I think they have like.. these guitars. It's rad.

The Velvet Underground - Live at Max's Kansas City
So this writer and Warhol and somebody else sat at a table with a recorder or something. They order drinks talk about drugs and people they want to avoid and stuff... and the Velvets are off playing their tunes. This is after some sort of huge shit-storm or something. People getting moved about and I don't think I have my facts straight. They were playing at the same time King Kong was first introduced to the world down the street... then Godzilla showed up and the real shit went down.

Hard Candy

I was digging through my drawer and I came across my last piece of Starburst Hard Candy. If I'm remembering correctly it used to be lemon flavored but the yellow has since turned to green. Perhaps the piece of candy has caught on to this fad of "going green" and decided the only way for it to do that was to turn green. I could also be remembering incorrectly and the candy was always green to begin with... but I find that unlikely because I would've eaten the hell out of a piece of green apple Starburst Hard Candy. The candy has also grown tired of being hard and has reduced a portion of itself to a jelly-like softness. Said candy was placed back in the drawer and will most likely have eyes, emotion, and a will to live when I come across it again... it'll also be pissed that I ate so many of them. That reminds me... I need to write the Starbusrt people and get them to bring this back.


I wear glasses. These commercials for 3D TV isn't showing you everything. Everybody there has perfect vision or they're wearing contacts. So... what's going to happen when I pick up a 3D TV... I'll be wearing 2 pairs of glasses... 3 if I want to be cool and wear sunglasses inside. So forget it. 4 eyes is enough for me.

I think my beer exploded..

Elephants... and pools

My neighbors got an elephant and it's taking a huge piss. It's been going for like 30 minutes. It's ridiculous... or they're filling their pool.... or the elephant is filling it. Don't get an elephant if you have a pool.

3 Knives.

Dude... ok. Am I ever going to have a dream where Arnold Schwarzenegger isn't trying to kill me? I mean. It started out as a Mexican guy, but the guy morphed into Arnold and then he threw three knives in my back... right next to my right shoulder. Why are people always trying to kill me in my head? Well... at least Arnold is the most creative. The Humvee and now throwing knives. Ok. These were Crocodile Dundee style knives too. Three of them. I'm equal parts terrified and amazed by that. Threeeee! So I walked around with 3 knives in my back until I woke up.

I don't know what's going on with Davis. Their machines are really slow...

5²

I turned 25. The number 25 is boring. 26 is boring too. I'm a big fan of 27... 28 is ok too. 29 is prime, which is just awesome... but 25 is boring.

Karate Kid

Uh... so they have this new Karate Kid movie. It's with a black kid and Chinese people.. instead of like... Japs, white folk, and a Mexican I think. So here's a few things that are wrong with this movie without me having to see it.

1. They called it "Karate" - Karate is some Jap form of fighting. It's effective and all, but us Chinks don't really play that sort of thing. Kung Fu Kid doesn't have a nice enough ring which is probably why they stuck with Karate Kid... the same way Bitch I Shrunk the Kids doesn't have the same effect as Honey I Shrunk the Kid... you know what, I'm going to finish this and watch that. Chinks don't do Karate.

2. It has Chinese People - Uh... Chinese people don't play good bullies, unless this is a comedy. We just can't look tough. Not really threatening at all. There are exactly 2 Chinese people that if you saw walking down a dark alley you'd fear for your life, and you wouldn't even get the chance to do that because they're that good. Bruce Lee and Bolo. Now if they had a bunch of clones of Bruce Lee and Bolo running around, yeah you would actually be scared and worried... and it would be like these guys are tough shit, don't mess with them... and how backward is it that the Chinese kids are beating up a black kid. I'm Chinese... we're afraid of black people. That's straight from the source. Get it right.

3. No Skeletons - I'd like to see how they work skeletons in. It's just not Karate Kid if the Karate Kid doesn't get his ass kicked by skeletons. Will the Chinks also know English? There's just some stuff Chinese people just aren't good at. Celebrating Halloween and speaking English.


This is going to be shite... and all the blame falls on the Chinese people... you're welcome!