Just Us - I Can't Grow Peaches on a Cherry Tree

Bleh. I feel all weird.

I once had a tuna sandwich that made itself. This big fat assed tuna just jumped out of the ocean, possibly exercising to lose that fat ass, and slipped between to slices of bread. The bottom slice was ruined due to the fat ass, and the top was also ruined since it touched the slimey grossness of the fat sea assed tuna. Tuna assed sea fat... Fat assed sea tuna. Your choice there. Next time the tuna needs to throw itself on a knife and slice off the good parts you can eat raw, then toss itself on the fire to take care of the rest...

I see people in parks trying to get this to happen with birds. They make the mistake of ripping up the bread though.. What kind of sandwich is that? Next time I'm just going to leave a jar of honey between two slices of bread and end up with a bear sandwich. There's a sandwich you'll need to eat with a forklift, boxing gloves, a gun, bear cubs to threaten with the gun, and mayonnaise... trust me it's worth it.


So I was going to tell you about a 7" you should listen to. But you probably want a sandwich right now... at least I do. But forget it. Just totally forget it. Instead you're going to have to listen to the slow softness of Just Us. It's Chip Taylor and somebody else that I don't feel like looking up right now... his last name starts with a G and ends with an I... I think. Here's something I do remember, this Chip Taylor guy wrote "Wild Thing" and... another song that I also don't feel like looking up. And somebody here is related to Angelina Jolie too. Yeah? Yeah???? YEAH!

Just type in 'Just Us' into Google and toss in 'I Can't Grow Peaches on a Cherry Tree.' Whatever the first link is should be a good place to start... it should be some Canadian guy that has a bunch of really neat stuff. The information is better and so is the writing, there's just a lack of sandwich talk. Ha! Remember that talking sandwich that told you about orange juice?

Now this... I looked up.

Compare these two videos both labeled 'Weird.'



Exhibit A provides us with a stupid girl that thinks her stuffed bear drank the orange juice when it was actually her stuffed brother that they brought back to life. Stupid... not quite weird though.



Exhibit B gives us...... I don't even need to say.


I'm going to make a sandwich now and bite its face off.


And I feel less lazy now so here's a link:

http://www.raremp3.co.uk/2010/06/just-us-i-cant-grow-peaches-on-cherry.html

Metal Music Machine

Ok. So everybody has to do it at some point. Listen to Lou Reed's Metal Music Machine. Seriously, I feel like I'm going to vomit. Really really really felt like vomiting there, I had to pull of the headphones and everything. Now is this because the music is bad or do I have some sort of ear induced vomit condition? I would say... a combination of both. Now, there's feedback... and then there's this shit that he threw together while high. It's one of those, "It was a good idea at the time" things. Even if you're high though, how can you enjoy this? Christ! I'm only halfway through it too. I was thinking it sounded sort of like R2D2 was getting chopped up... but I don't know. It's getting all squeaky. Oh.. eff this... fuck it. He found the tremolo switch. Lou. Lou! What the hell? Fuck it. Fu-ck this.

F

U

C

K

Fuck this shit. Drugs are fine, but if you're doing stuff like this when you're high then fuck it. Go get your prostate checked or something. Just don't do this. 3 more seconds... and it's fading out.

I'm not even going to bother with it again... and there's 4 sides to this thing? I just listened to a 9 minute clip on youtube and I thought that was too much.

I'm just going to vomit now. I don't even care where it goes. I'm going to vomit.

!!!!!!

Oh Shit! (A) Reader(s)...

Somebody get the monkey that types Shakespeare or else they'll think we're stupid.



I bite the shit out of my thumb at you and this delicious banana, don't even think about quarreling with me you ass face sir... human. Time to throw my shit at Capulets and scream and wave my bollocks around at the Motagues. Then I can chat up that Juliet bird and see if she fancies some monkey knob action. Cheers!

Sept 6

I was going to review Thriller, you know that album that outsold all those audio books of the bible, but something else turned up. It would appear that Septermber 6, 2010 would be my last day in the warmth of the Southern California Sun. It's definitely different than that awful Northern California Sun, totally blue and stuff. So, not leaving forever, but for more time than I've ever spent outside of a place where you don't need to hug the trees because they hug you... and then they threaten you with guns and take your money. I'll miss that the most... until I come back. I'll come back with poison.

Mazzy Star = // (I can't find the delete key in the dark() She Hangs Brightly

I'm pretty sure that funny bone nerve of mine is really out of place. My elbow feels all weird. So I can't lean on my left elbow because it feels like a bone is totally sticking out more than it should be. Now use your imagination and somehow all this elbow talk has something to do with Mazzy Star. The album is She Hangs Brightly... and it makes your funny bone act up.

So you get a good taste of things to come on the first track. The whole album could just be that first track played over and over and over again... which is probably why it's one of those single things and that first track will now be referred to as "Halah," the track name. An ok name for a track, maybe a weird name for a kid, at least in some parts of China. Hope Sandoval has this pretty voice, and I'm a sucker for prettiness. Everybody should be, really.

After that, it sort of goes bluesy folk something stuff or other-ish-ic-stic. Which isn't a bad route to go down, but for me the slowwwwwwer the song is on this album the better. I've been thinking about taking the slower songs and slowing them down even more, but I'd probably get to a point where Hope Sandoval sounds like a frog and all the instruments sound like a whale fart. So nevermind. I won't do it.

So the whole album is just a pretty voice, with some slidey drowny guitar. Not much more you could really ask for, unless you're greedy... I should really get this elbow thing checked out. At least listen to "Halah." I feel like I did this before.

Mandy + Jason - For a Time

I remember when I first heard this, it was somewhere around midnight and I was getting my fingerprints and DNA (skin cells and hair only) all over a bunch of cassettes. After it was over, I knew I had to listen to it again, but being the procrastinator that I am I waited until next week to do so... but it's ok, because I listened to it for an entire day and it was great. I totally listened to it for an entire day and totally got the most wonderful feeling while listening when a guy with a bubble gun let loose and hundreds of bubbles floated across the street while I was stopped at a red light. A few lights later, with Mandy + Jason still playing, I saw the car in front of me hand a person crossing the street something. The person then tried to open the back door of the car, but it was locked so she stood on the corner waiting for the guy to turn into the plaza... I can only assume that it was money and the person in the car just picked up a hooker or their grandmother. It was magical.

So it's just total summer timey music. It does stuff. Magic! Remember those first few episodes of GI Joe (Yeah! I do), Destro is building a "Weather Dominator" to control the weather, thus leading to Cobra taking over the world. It was a pretty complicated system too, lots of bells, plenty of whistles, and a bunch of other stuff so they could fill the plot by playing hockey with it. Really though, take this tape anywhere. Instant Summer. You don't need a Weather Dominator. If you're an Eskimo... Inuit, don't even think about playing this in your igloo. Total meltdown for your igloo, I guarantee it and I don't guarantee much. After your igloo goes, then you'll totally melt too. That goes for everybody, you'll melt. Like you were chocolate people or something, you'll just melt. Like you were sitting out in the sun for too long. I don't care if you don't tan, you'll turn to chocolate and just melt while you're listening. The ants will be happy, but fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.....n. It'll be totally great.

Does it lose points for being short? No, forget about that crap. It's sweet... like chocolate. If this is their plan to turn the world to chocolate then what the hell, let it happen. It's just mellow summer time goodness from those terrible folks at Burger Records... Terrrrribly wonderful!


"Wow. Chocolate. Half Off!"