Apple

I've been having staring contests with this apple outside my window. I usually win, but I can't really tell. Just zero features on that thing. A round green freak that's going to attract fruit flies when it falls on the ground and turns brown and mushy. I mean, if it had eyes, I'd still win. If it had ears it would hear some good stuff and maybe it'll want to cling onto the tree that much longer rather than trying to sex up the ground to make a tree. I remember I picked an apple from that tree, my landlord tends to come back just to do that. I bit into it and it was the worst apple I've ever had. Sure, it had all the textures and features an apple would have, but it was lacking in the apple flavor department. Tomorrow I'm going to arm wrestle with the bamboo tree outside. I, of course, will win. Of course, if the bamboo tree did have arms I'd be dead right now. Well, if I'm within its reach.

Palm trees are assholes too.