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sports.

Sports does things to people... strange strange things...

"wonder why are all the trees in SF are leaning east today... probably cuz the raiders suck."

I'm trying to make sense of this... but it just doesn't quite fit.  Are the trees trying to get even further away from Oakland?  You're talking about trees that are already out of Oakland... they're in San Francisco... and yet they want to lean east... It's probably because they want to get the fuck into the ocean and drown in salt water to avoid anymore shitty trash talk.

It's the first game of the season for both teams... and he's already saying they suck..

I get the feeling that Oakland is going to win though... because this guy has the worst luck when he posts things. 

G C Em D

Well. on the plus side... my dreams have been weird..

I was sitting and having coffee in a foreign place that felt like Canada or Europe... I was with some guy I had in my group for a lab class as an undergrad... we were sitting and talking, when this girl started gesturing at me all seductive-like.  She was definitely pretty... then my friend noticed her... and the girls mom showed up at that point.. now, the next part is gross to me... but my mind came up with it, so here it is....  the mom shows up and notices that we're looking so she decides to wop them out... uh. her boobs.. which were big...  but her nipples were like... 4 inches long and everything was all dangly...  I was thinking, "Dude, her nipples look like flaccid penises."  The girl came downstairs and she went to work at the place next to where we were sitting.  I went to talk to her, but I don't remember what I said.  She was sitting at a sewing machine or a computer... i can't remember.

After that, I noticed that my friend was gone... I assumed he went to hang out with the mom... pun intended.  So I went back to the hotel where another friend and I decided to go somewhere else.... right before we got on a train, we thought we needed to go and stop the other guy from going to see the mom, so we started running back.  As we were running, I saw another friend of mine and he joined in... but the friend I met in the hotel vanished after this.... It's like I have a one friend limit around me in this dream... but we started running. and that was fun.  my friend looks back at me... yeah, i guess he's faster, and says, "We're running really fast, better not jump!"  so what I decided to do was... jump.  and I jumped... and I rise up about 40 feet.. I do a super hero type landing and I'm fine... and then I wake up...

I was going to just get up.. but I decided to lie around and fall back to sleep because i felt really tired... I'm not sure why I wanted to get up...

When I fall asleep I start dreaming about me bringing my guitar to an empty mall... I was sitting in the corner of a Gap or something and I play a bit... but I find it sort of strange that nobody's around... it's like a mall after it's closed.  So, I decide to steal a shirt.  After that, a bunch of people show up.  Mostly young girls that are dressed like they were going to prom... So I leave.  Because it's freaking weird.. The place where I stole the shirt changed.. instead of striped shirts, they had girl shirts... so I woke up.. and got up.


A few weeks ago, I got an email from Gap saying my order has shipped.  Which I found odd... because the order was for a 'sculpting thong'... whatever that is... it turns out that some lady placed an order and put in my email instead.  But there really was no way of letting the lady know about this.. what was Gap going to do... email her?

sharks.

Somebody has decided to use my sponge to clean the dishes... and this somebody has managed to tear up the spongey side of it so it's all eroded and stuff.. I should piss on his sponge and let it dry out so it smells like wet penis every time he uses it.  Fucking weirdo...

"We should drink beers and put on some music!"  fuck you man....
"Those Burger guys sure have some good bands... of course you already know that..." Fuck YOU! If I weren't so full of bourbon I'd be writing about something else... but fuck this guy.  I once saw a movie where Chow Yun Fat bit the ear off of a guy... how hard do you think it is to get a camel to bite this guy's ear off?

So. the bourbon i am drinking is called Four Roses.  The label says a guy made it because a girl went to the ball with four roses on your corsage thing... and that meant that she liked the guy or something... so the guy made bourbon called Four Roses... So I'm drinking love bourbon and it's getting me trashed..

I did math this morning.  SAT math.  I was getting 9/10 pretty consistently... mainly because of some bullshit that the assholes like to use to confuse you.  So I'm happy about that... math makes me happy... and I haven't done it in such a long time... is that a reason to be depressed? A lack of math?  In my head it made perfect sense... this is something I've done my entire life... and seeing as how I haven't really done much of it for probably... a year now... this is probably my brain's way of telling me to start shoving numbers into it and get the endorphins going...


Anyway... here's one of the reasons I like the Jesus and Mary Chain..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qyn92Phiou8


I can be so f'ing happy... or so f'ing low and depressed and they'll still sound good.




Of course... I would like to get back to feeling more like this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qNS27WQAew




There was an item in Mario RPG for the SNES. It was called a Pick Me Up.  you used it when your characters died and stuff.  Whenever I get sad I think I need a Pick Me Up..


Sorry to be so sad.. I'll be happier soon.. because that's the way this shit has been going.

A list of sorts

Here's some things:

-I went on google earth and saw your ass.
-I've got a Dead Moon song stuck in my head.
-I'm all manic depressivey...
-I'm not a psychologist though.
-When I drink, I feel like shooting the bottle with a rifle.
-'Glad I Never' is a good song
-the last line goes, "be glad I never owned a gun"
-soaked in reverb, it's the darkest thing I've ever heard.
-seafood pasta tastes good.
-reverb does nothing to food...
-I'm lacking an outlet for the things in my head...
-I need to learn some new chords or something on the guitar to fix this.
-I also need to learn the piano.
-once I've done that, I think I'll be a bit closer to sanity
-or at least I'll have an outlet for things.
-learning things can be frustrating...
-things can be frustrating.
-frustrating... IS!
-the down and out cat on the corner is frustrated.
-I suddenly really want a cat.

Socks

I spent most of my dream trying to help somebody.. But I don't think I really solved anything. Towards the end I wound up back in high school. I had a different teacher for Japanese class and she had turned the classroom into a jewelry store.. So she told me to go to the library... Which was something my real Japanese teacher actually did and from that I got a detention.

I still can't remember what it was but something I did got me a 'Saturday'.. My actual Japanese teacher must've been really upset with me that day. A Saturday meant I had to go to campus on a Saturday and clean up. The slip said I could study, but they didn't let me do that. I was there with all the bad kids that were dressed like they were in gangs and stuff, so I guess that's why they had us all picking up trash and leaves and stuff. They put me out by myself and forgot about me. I remember the dirt being really hard and thinking, "they sure don't keep the landscaping the way my dad does." because my brother and I would help my dad with the yardwork. Not like we volunteered for it or anything, but if he asked for help we would help. So, they finally realized I wasn't around and they had somebody help bag up the big piles of trash I've formed.

So that's that. The fake Japanese teacher in my dream walked me to the library. I was telling her that the project we were working on wasn't too helpful because every group is looking up new vocab words the other groups have never used... So we wouldn't be learning anything. Our group was doing something about cloning... She said just go work on it and I got really frustrated so I let out a yell as she walked away. The other kids in the class thought I was angry, but really I was just frustrated. There's a difference right? Right before I walked in I heard somebody say, "Nelson is MAD!!!" And when I walked in I said, "I'm not mad, I'm just very very mad." Which makes no sense to me now. So, with my frustration, I tossed all my books to the floor.. Then I lost my equilibrium and started stumbling around like Frankenstein's monster until I was sprawled out over a desk. I'm not too sure what that was about...

Right before all this I noticed I had an extra sock. Then, as I went through my stuff I had an extra pair.. I asked my friend if they were his, and he said no.. But instead of calling it quits with the socks then, I decided that I would carry the extra pair of socks around all day to figure out who they belonged to or if they actually belonged to me. Like some sort of sick version of Cinderella... I was already wearing socks! Why was it so important that I find the rightful owner of the socks? But part of me thought they were my socks.. It was a strange situation.

Most of my dream was about a girl. She was sad. I did my best to try and cheer her up, but I don't think it worked. I met with her at a mall or something, and she knew I was trying to help, but she just couldn't stop feeling sad..


Maybe the socks belonged to her........ But girls don't wear boy socks.

slap!

So. I was looking through Romney's facebook page..  and there was this picture... The caption read, "Charlotte gives Mitt a high five during the convention."  the picture... is of a baby with her hand pressed up against the TV... and her hand is all over Mitt Romney's face. 

I don't think that's the way a high five works... that's how a slap works.  are face slaps the new high five?  because I know somebody that I want to give a HUUUUUUGE high five to. 


The kid moving in is going to pay extra to use the garage... the old man says, "I guess that kid has some stupid ass new car or something."  So I don't think my hatred towards him is unjustified... he's an asshole and he's totally asking for it with talk like that.

tiny doctors.

My face smells... but I washed it. So it's fine now.


These political conventions are weird... They keep cutting to these
weird people cheering.. I find it really odd.

Guh.. I poisoned myself and threw up in my trashcan... then I dumped
my vomit in the backyard and threw some dirt on it. F'ing gross...
too much wine... too much whiskey...

Oh shit. they just cut to some lady crying her eyes out at the end of
Obama's speech. How f'ed up is that? She doesn't want to be seen
crying does she? They need to put me in charge of one of these one
year. It'll be so freaking entertaining. I'll have audience plants
that'll get so freaking riled up by the speeches that they'll start
punching the person next to them. By the end of it, people will be
standing and clapping in their blood soaked suits and others with be
crawling around on the floor looking for their loose teeth... and when
the president starts to point at people, he'll shoot lasers out of his
fingertips... and one of them will hit this fat guy.. and the fat guy
will start expanding like a balloon until he bursts... and out comes
tons and tons of candy all over the convention floor... Then board
games will start raining down from the roof instead of balloons and
confetti.. also spikes. spikes will start falling. falling spikes.


and it'll all be done under budget too.. and nobody will get injured
because i'll hand out umbrellas and tiny doctors... and that reminds
me...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoskDZRLOCs



There's a heavy dose of lunacy from me. and some lovely sounds from Elton John.

Smile!

I'll admit that I've had a few too many drinks.  I'll admit that I'm going to be great at trivia tonight.  I'll admit that I haven't been as nice as I should have been to people.... but the people I have been nice to have appreciated it.  I'll admit that I haven't been open and kind and just generally nice to strangers... but I've been meaning to change that.  It's not you.. it's me.. I've been meaning to change the world... but I feel it's going to be more difficult that I've anticipated......  I'll admit that I'm not perfect... but inperfection makes me happy.

Smile!

dream. a dream.

Guh... You know... even if the Old Man moves out, there is a small possibility that he'll still show up in my dreams.. and that's just what he did last night. He showed up in my dream.  I was sitting out on the couch and he sat down and started complaining about not being able to get a teaching job or something.  He was also talking on the phone to somebody about how he couldn't work outside of davis or sacramento or he would get fired... can subs get fired?  It was the most boring situation ever.

It was one of those dreams where everything is all plain and it's basically a normal situation.  I went to lie down in my bed.. and it felt weird, so i woke up.

Somebody had posted, "Just had an effing zombie nightmare. Ugh" on facebook.  Now... I'm sure nightmares screw with our heads if they're really bad... but zombies?  There's a guy that's spent too much time on the internet and thinks zombies are real... or he's watched one too many zombie movies... but I'm sure those zombie movies don't include Night of the Living Dead or Dawn of the Dead... My nightmares usually involve me getting shot or dying and stuff.  Now that stuff is awful.... or even worse... is the nightmares I have about a boring shitty useless old man. 

Well... that was a happy ending wasn't it?

Album meals

So... Something that's been in my head that ibpve been meaning to doo... Let me do that again...


Something in my head that i've been meaning to do.... Album meals.

I remember watching 30 Minute Meals with Rachel Ray with my old roommate at UCI.. This is basicsically thi the. The same thing. But with albums instead of the 30 minutes.... Basically the same thing but with albums instead of the 30 minutes..


Albums usually come out to be 40 minutes or so...so it's totally a good idea. I can steal all of her recipes and just take my time with them. It's basically extra time to drink and have a good time... Screw the stupid TV and it's hour/half hour system. This is chinkville... Population... chink king general ME! I have my own rules... And those rules are time rules set by the artist and the length of their albums...

I don't want to turn into one of those food assholes though.... I've been watching cooking shows and all the judges are assholes. "oh... This would be better if the chef added a hint of citrus." fuck that. I don't ever want to be like that.. Taste is based on the individual.. So I'll be presenting things that are good to me... This will probably take a bit of effort... But I can talk about the album and talk about the food and have a really good time with it... And I have the time to do it.. So maybe you'll see something soon.

Shirt sex.

Um.  So, the old man just came home and I was in the kitchen, he says hi and adds,  "That was some good music you were playing."  First thing he says when he  sees me...

I don't know what the hell he's talking about... He's been gone all day, so I don't know what he was hearing... but then I thought, maybe he's referring to the stuff I was doing on guitar yesterday.

It turns out, he was talking about the music I was playing 3 days ago on the stereo system outside..  Fucking weirdo...

So here's how it played out... I asked him, "What music?"  He said, "You know, the stuff you were playing kind of loud a few days ago."

Highlight of the day so far... this guy saying I was playing music, "kind of loud."  I know it was loud... There are reasons why I was playing it so loud.. the main one being, I was trying to bother him.  Which, I'm pretty sure I did if he's saying it was "kind of loud."  gah... but a total perfect time to be an asshole and say, "If it's too loud, you're too old."  But I didn't say that.  Fucker needs to stop repeating himself though.  "Are they Burger bands?"  he asks, like he's going after some repeated question record... one of these times he asks i need to tell him, "No, those were off of Nazi Skinhead KKK Records." or "No, that was a Pussy Slap 666 Records release." or "No, that was Shitty Old Jim's that are super boring and I hate it when they talk Records."

AC is finally fixed.  So I'll be all set if it gets all toasty in the fall... I know the old man hated it, so in the end I'm happy about it.  Turns out the month that it took the old guy to try and get the AC fixed really only took about 2 days.  Actually, somehow he doesn't know how to work the thermostat... so maybe I'll just leave it off and turn the house into an oven.

Oh, he was telling me about how I could cheat a breathalyzer test by doing a really quick and short blow... I told him, "I'm pretty sure if I do it that way, the officer will just tell me to do it again the right way.."  but he insisted that I use his method... "No, just a quick short blow... phoo!"  Looking back at this moment... I should've stood up and smashed a bottle over his head.. or go out and stock the house full of folding chairs... this house totally needs some more folding chairs so I can pick one up and crush the shit out of his sternum... fucker is asking for some shortness of breath with that kind of talk.


Happier things:
I got cheap wine from Trader Joe's and the cashier was staring at my shirt... the guy said he liked the design.. like.... really really liked it because he was staring at it a lot.  I told him where I got it... even though they're sold out.

Last week I got a shirt that turned out to be a medium women's sized shirt.. so it's too small for me to wear... this week... i got a shirt, that's a men's medium... but it's one of those big ass men's shirts.  Do you think I could get the shirts to have sex, so I could get a normal sized medium shirt that I like?  Hm.... perhaps it's time I threw a rose, a bottle of wine, and some candles into the hamper...

A good thing

Those things that have been weighing on my mind are slowly surfacing... I'm running out of distractions.

After I was done playing my guitar today, I held it... And felt happy, but I felt like crying. A cry would actually be pretty good right now. Just a complete break down to a point where I'm curled up in the corner with my knees against my chest and my head down. Guh... But it can't be forced... Whatever causes it will be awful... But at least it'll feel good afterwards. It's sad and all, but it's a good thing.

I guess I should fill out my book.

Things to say

Recently somebody's been trying to talk to me, but because the things he says are just so shitty, I don't respond to them. Here are two instances where I felt like punching said individual in the face. I'm not sure why they've upset me so much... Well... I know why... It's because they're coming out of his mouth.

So, I've been listening to my cassettes on the outside stereo. I popped one in and it was great. A real nice surf guitar sound to it... As I'm going to pull he tape out and eat my dinner, this great big music pundit says,

"the guitar sounds like dick dale"

How do I respond to that? I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything. I know why he said it... It's because Dick Dale is considered "the king of surf guitar"... And I know the shithead is trying to impress me... But he has no idea how disliked he actually is. But really... The point here is... Saying surf guitar sounds like dick dale.. Is like saying an orange looks orange. You have no response to it, you just want to slap the shit out of the person who's saying it.

The next tape had a cover of a Bo Diddley song. After it was done playing he shouts,

"that was a really nice version of 'Hey Bo Diddley'"

He's off sitting in the kitchen because I'm lying on the couch. So he know enough to not sit across from me or next to me... But he doesn't have enough sense to keep his mouth shut when I don't want to hear his stupid voice.


My buddy came up to visit.. I told him how the old man would throw non-recyclable material in the recycle bin. When my friend saw him doing this he told him, "I think green waste [meaning yard waste] goes out next to the curb." He was basically tossing rotting fruit in the paper trash can... his explanation for this,

"well.... It's pretty organic."

Which is bullshit I don't even need to explain.


My friend left some cereal here that I didn't touch. I asked if he wanted to take it back because they were unopened... It turns out they were expired... So I said, ok.. I'll see if a homeless person will want it... Because I think it's still good. When I went to take the trash out today I noticed that the cereal was now in the trashcan... So I texted my friend to see if he threw it out... Since it was his cereal... But he said he didn't and asked if the old man threw it out. I said I guess that was the case... and he said.. "maybe he'll throw himself out." checkmate.

So, this guy decided that it was ok to throw away something that wasn't his.. Not only that... He's digging through the kitchen and throwing out the landlord's old stuff without even asking him.


I have a couple weeks off... So I'm going to be disabling the keypad to the oven.


I've broken my own rule... Apologies all over, but I'm sure this will be over soon enough.

Maybe I'll get drunk and tell him to fuck off..

Fedco

I was reading about Fedco tonight. It was basically a really awesome store only found in SoCal that closed down in 1999. We got a lot of our stuff at Fedco. Lifetime membership was $10.

Because of Fedco I also managed to curse at my mom at a young age. She was trying to get me to go with her to Fedco. I was about 10 or so, so she still didn't trust me being home alone... But I still didn't want to go... She was getting upset at me because i was being stubborn and I was getting upset at her because she wouldn't get off my case, so I dropped this little line, "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO FUCKCO." oh... Replacing the "ed" with a "uck" wasn't such a good idea.. My Mom took my razor sharp wit and used it to slice my throat.


I didn't get to stay home alone and wound up going to Fedco.



I kept telling my mom today that I was going to kill a pig in the driveway for dinner. I was going to ring a bell to get everybody's attention and then I would do it. Kill a pig in the driveway, save the blood in buckets.., you know, normal stuff. My mom was saying it was illegal and inhumane... She said the cops would come.. So I told her I would give them a bucket of blood and rub a bunch of it all over my face and that would make them happy and they would leave.

At some point, my mom is going to slap me so hard that I get grotesquely disfigured and I'll wind up looking like Ron Howard's brother..

A good day.

"What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to punk music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to punk music?"

And so we continue the digital mix tape marathon.. That quote just came on between songs. It's a quote from High Fidelity, although it's been modified.. Or at least that's how I heard it.

My old roommate is coming up to visit today. It's very nice of him to do so.


Good news! The old man is writing himself notes about housing options. The knife's in him... All I have to do is twist it. I don't think I've ever met anybody with less balls than this guy. Scared by a kid moving in.. Really, a testicle-less coward dog could take more than him.


I went to the market to get some pig ass for dinner, but it was too expensive. So I grabbed some cow ass, got slapped by a fat lady and then got some beef and chicken because it was cheap.

Ok, No actual sexual harassment was involved in this writing.. The lady told me she enjoyed it!



Ok....... No actual women were involved in this writing... And that's the truth. There.

-less

It's around lunch time and my brain just said, "hey, have some whiskey, you stupid faced yellow bastard." it added that last part right now.

So I guess I'll have some whiskey. I'll clean my room. I'll make some noise. I'll fix my knee. Then I'll have some more whiskey for a bit of 'controlled' recklessness. Good thing I'm wreckless.




I've been listening to digital mix tapes all morning...


Tangerine.

Hey PIzza! let's dig in..

My guitar is nice to me...

Yesterday I was helping somebody move some stuff out of his apartment... We were walking to his door when I noticed a fat guy get out of the shower... so I was kind of staring, because the guy looked really fat.. but it would actually turn out to be a naked girl... and not a fat guy.  Woops.  I stopped staring once I realized that.  So... a note to girls.  Don't leave you blinds open if your bathroom entrance is within view.... and don't look like a fat guy.  Uh, the second one should be pretty easy to do...

I was thinking about going home and being miserable.. which is what I did.  I went home.  But I fed all my misery to my guitar and it made me happy.  and that's why my guitar is nice to me.. and that's how I want to be.  Give me all your shit, and I'll do my best to make you happy.  Share the joy.


Here's a thing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meQkZ6a_ees


I shouldn't ever want to watch Rock n Roll High School... but I kind of do..

"HEY PIZZA!"

Trivia Night

I guess I can't do math... or math in a public place while under the influence...

You pay $642 after 7% sales tax and take 20% off of the original value... what was the original value?

I don't know how we came up with the answer we got... but... we were wrong.  Turns out, that we were adding the sales tax, rather than subtracting it.  Backwards math is fun... mistakes are not so fun.  Also, writing doesn't turn out so well when you're drinking stuff.  I was telling someobody their handwriting was awful... then I gave it a shot and it was just as bad... so then I gave it a harder shot.. uh.. I tried harder and it was ok.

So... 11 out of 30 is what we got.  11 out of 30 is the new... 11 out of... 30. We stank.  The people that won got 22.5 or something.  50% of the winning total isn't so bad on a first try.

My guesses were pretty classy though.  Louisiana Purchase.  Napolean.  That Thing You Do.  I'm kind of proud of my guesses.  Also, I called the syrup monster at the end of Candyland, "Sweety."  Made perfect sense to me at the time.

The lesson today:

Plus is not minus... unless you want it to be, but you'll still be wrong.

The answer was 716 or something like that. 

bananas... but not really. it smells.

Downtown smelled like dried up Gak today. Anybody remember Gak?
Better than yesterday when it smelled like dog poop. The elevators at
work smell like Pop Rocks. Women must be wearing some sort of Pop
Rocky scented stuff... or some dude really knows how to get my
attention. Hopefully he doesn't tell me he has a van full of the
stuff.. Oh.... the elevators in the parking structures smell like
pee. Neither the men nor the women know what I like there.

I really tore through this Jamba Juice because I got freaking hot.



So, I suppose this counts as something super super horrible...

The old man has been cleaning things downstairs... I found this sort
of odd because he tends to do fuck all everyday. I noticed that he's
moved things around in my old roommates room too. He's moved the
printer into the closet... and the mirror into the closet... and just
recently he's moved the ironing board and iron into the closet... And
that's when I realized that he's preparing to move in downstairs.
He's been telling me that if the new kid moves in up stairs he's going
to move in downstairs... and I told him, "I'm not going to like that.
I would rather have the new kid move in next to me." straight up.
just like that. I was drinking at the time.... but all he had to say
was, "sorry about that."

I don't understand how he can dislike somebody so much after meeting
them for a maximum of 5 minutes. He doesn't know anything about him
other than his name.. and I don't understand his solution to having
the kid move in. Move 20 feet away and annoy the guy that's been
putting up with his shit even more. He really thinks that me and him
get along. I basically just put up with it. He doesn't have any
balls to put up with it. The kid gets forced on us, the same way he
got forced on me... and he starts moaning about it. He has really
weird solutions to things... he actually cleaned the oven... sort
of... so it stopped smelling... for about 2 days.. then it started
smelling again.. so I looked to see what was going on... and his
solution was to stick a piece of aluminum foil under his cooking so it
drips down all over it... and it still burns... but he can just toss
out the foil when he wants to clean (wasted aluminum foil)... and his
shit still drips down over the oven because he doesn't know what he's
doing.. Oh, he also dumped a bunch of yard waste in the black

So keep an eye out for my google searches if he does move in next to me:

How to do everyday things louder
How can I survive on less sleep so I can stay up late and annoy my roommate?
How can i make my poop smell worse?

I don't know.. that's all I can think of right now..


I'm going to try to disable the oven now.



and now.... back to me being depressed and boring... well, minus the
depressed part, I'm getting through that ok.

Howdy

Ok.  Nothing like a bit of proper thinking and some booze to take you out of feeling blue.  I wore all blue today... except the grey blazer because it was freaking cold this morning.. I wore blue because it looks nice. 

Depression is a weird thing... I don't even know if I was really depressed, but I certainly wasn't normal.  Nobody likes it... but your brain does it.  F' the brain.  You do wonderful things.... but getting all caught up in sadness isn't one of them... and you can't really shake yourself loose from it.. so that's not cool brain..  This is of course... material that belongs in the secret composition book that's full of all my stupidity.

Teenage Fanclub's album 'Howdy' sounds really nice.

Quote of the day... uh... from TV... "When I get excited, I sound caucasian."

Puppy dream

Twice upon a time.. My mind has gone to a not so great place.

I had a dream last night that there was a puppy running around through the house. It was a very vivid dream. I was sitting in my chair and I felt something bump into my leg. When I looked down there was a really tiny dog... about the size of my hand. It was a yellowish white. When I picked it up, it squirmed around a bit.. And then.. Chomp! It bites my hand and it doesn't let go.. But I didn't really react to this. I know it's supposed to hurt, but it doesn't.. So I let the dog bite me. Every time I was near it, it would bite my hand and I would let it because I didn't mind. It wasn't that I enjoyed the biting or anything, I just didn't mind it when it happened..

Then I woke up 10 minutes before my alarm was set to go off.. So I got up.

I realize my tenses are all screwed up, but it's too early to worry about that.

Crumbly

"I'm a little bit of everything, but a whole lot of nothing." I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean but that popped into my head right now.


Guh.. I'm crumbling. I can feel it. Curse this cookie-like mind of mine.. Although delicious, it doesn't hold up well all the time. I need it to go back to being one of those super soft gooey chewy cookies... With white chocolate.. Or nix the chocolate and just make it a sugar cookie. Fill my head with sugar. I'll fill my head with sugar.. and white chocolate.. And an egg for some reason.. I think there are eggs in cookies.. Anyway.. Once I get it back to soft and chewy it won't be so crumbly...

Wait.. Crumbly.. And Crumb. Pronounced.. Crum-blee. And.. Crum.

Dumb.. And dumbly... Are pronounced.. Dum. And dum-lee... What a stupid crumby system for dummies... But not dumbies like me.

Absolute shenanigans, English language!




And now... This.

The girl who cries when she read this (probably not so much recently because the material has been lacking) posted something I didn't know was still going on. It was about "conversion therapy". Lou Reed went through it. He got shock treatment. Straight from his mouth:

"They put the thing down your throat so you don't swallow your tongue, and they put electrodes on your head. That's what was recommended in Rockland County then to discourage homosexual feelings. The effect is that you lose your memory and become a vegetable. You can't read a book because you get to page seventeen and have to go right back to page one again."

I seriously had no idea this was still going on.. And the other stuff they do sounds even more f'd up than getting your brain fried.


Anyway.. Here's something else from Lou Reed to end this a bit more positively. It's not much, but it makes me feel warm on the inside:

"All by myself. No one to talk to. Come over here so I can talk to you..."

And that's how my favorite book starts.

Normal

So.. I had material to write about today, but I forgot what it was. Must have been the nap.. Or the booze infused guitaring.. I need to send my guitar to rehab... Or I need to stop using the excuse of "my guitar is an alcoholic."

It might have been girls and musicians.. Some girls are attracted to boy musiciany types, but guys aren't attracted to girl musiciany types.. But that's all I have to say about that..

I need a heavy dose of Teenage Fanclub to get me out of this weird situation I'm in.. Music is my medicine. It's a big fat suppository if I think the music sucks though.. I get caught up in things too much.. And the second I run out of things to do they start rushing through my head and weigh on my mind too much.. And then I get so depressed that I can't even blink (King of the Hill reference).. But I also can't think of anything else that would take my mind off of it. So... I guess I'm writing this to take my mind off of things..

I got a bug bite on my arm. It's pretty much opposite of the hole in my arm I mentioned yesterday. I've always had a problem with bugs biting me. I'm not sure why. But every summer I'd get them. My mom took me to the doctor once when it got really bad. I had bites all over.. There was a bunch on my stomach that formed a triangle.. I really enjoyed that one visually.. Mainly because it was so unordinary.. I feel unordinary, but I don't really think I am. That's something else that I find odd...

When I was little, we would always hear stuff about how we're all different and unique in our own way.. But then nobody's normal with that. Then as we got older, that all went away, and all anybody wanted was to be 'normal', but I prefer being odd and weird... "in with the out crowd." that's what I want to be.



I'll be back again later. Guh... This is why I shouldn't drink.

Scotch Gard

Guh... Scotch Gard.. it's not spelled right. It was all crazy to find at Target... and right now it's stinking up my room because an open window is not sufficient ventilation.  So I'm going to utilize a classic here... the ol' shirt pulled up over the nose trick.  It's stupid... I'm getting all loaded on this stuff and I don't even want to.  So I opened a few more windows in the house because it's pretty darn windy outside tonight.. and now I'm getting cold..

Oh. So I made a big egg.  Sunny side up.  I mean I used a bunch of fabric and made a big egg... not like I'm going around and picking up ostrich eggs.. or... mutant chicken eggs that they make green eggs and ham out of.. What I've learned is sewing takes a really long time if you do it by hand... also... fabric is really weird to work with.

I also saw a tiny streak of blood on my sheets.. and I was like, "what's going on? I'm not bleeding... is somebody rolling around on my bed when they're bleeding?" then I noticed that there's a hole in my arm.. like.. right around the elbow pit area... I'm not sure how this happened.. and my leg is messed up again.  I think it's because I'm hanging it off the side of the bed awkwardly before I go to sleep. 

I thought this would be decent material to write about but it isn't... Uh..........


Oh. Neil Armstrong died today.  When I heard about it... all I could think of was how he forgot his lines...

"That's one small step for A man... one giant leap for mankind... QUICK! Lasers! There's Greys on the moon!"

Space is a crazy place... Thanks for your contributions Mr. Armstrong.

perfunctory

Do people just complain about switching to Timeline just because everybody else is complaining about it?  It's really not that bad... and if you feel so compelled to complain about it, perhaps you've been spending too much time on facebook.  So stop being retards... it's not so bad...

Somebody kept saying 'perfunctory' so I had to look it up.. So when they would tell me, "You're such a retard, how could you spend so much time on something so perfunctory, you stupid dummy!" Now I know what she means.


She didn't really say that.

I never understood why people would use those handicap buttons to open doors when they aren't handicapped.. but then again... I use the handicap ramps.. so I don't know.  Nevermind.

It's Keith Moon's birthday today!


... but he's dead.
... but he was an awesome drummer.

I don't remember what I was going to write about... so I'll stop.

Pthhhhhh...

I just learned via Facebook that one of my friends is now living in Pullman, WA. So, now..... This.. I once pulled a man.. it did not end well. I'll let you decide how it ended.

I saw somebody today. I told them, "I'm happy to see you... but I also have a pack of Starburst in my pocket." they wound up with a pack of tropical Starburst and I got some sort of purple berry punch flavored candy that was really sticky.

The lady at the store told me, "Nobody underage buys good beer." then I told her, "I dont know what t tastes like... I bought it because I like the label." which is the only logical way to purchase things (I've been brainwashed by advertisements).. She then went on about how the company took the time to make the label look nice, so it's good beer.. I had no jokes for this.


Other stuff that happened that I forgot to write about.. My boss told me to find a monitoring location on a map. Right next to its location was Dick Cook Rd. I wanted to laugh.. So I had to tell myself that it was just somebody's name. But then I started thinking... What if it wasn't.. And awful awful things happened there?


Ok. Thanks. Bye bye.

Little amps

So I finally put this little amp together.

I tried putting it together last summer, but gave up once school started... after looking at the wiring diagram recently, I noticed that I might have made a mistake... which I didn't.. it just just really awful soldering work.. So I shorted the circuit and that's why it wasn't working.

So, this time... Everything was cool. Wires going all over, not taking short cuts... I plug it all in and it still wasn't working..  My nuts were being driven...... or it was driving me nuts.  Then I noticed that the chip that was providing all the amplification wasn't receiving any power... so... wire here. wire there. get the battery in there.. and blam.  I have sound!  I have a portable guitar amp I can drag about and I stuffed it all into a Pop Tarts box.

I'm fairly proud of myself... except I had to buy Pop Tarts because it was the perfect size for what I was doing... I haven't bought Pop Tarts since high school.  We had them in the vending machine.  They were strawberry flavored.

This is boring to read.


Anyway... time to work out the kinks so I can sell them next to the guy that has all the bootleg 2pac CDs and tshirts.. I don't actually know where that guy is.


"Little amps will find ways to blow your mind / Little hearts will find ways to blow your mind."

Fish manure

So I kept dropping "heart disease" into my responses for some reason when I was talking to my mom.  Like... "I don't want you to be unhealthy."  "Yeah. Heart disease."  or... "If it gets too hot up there you might have problems.." "Yeah. Heart disease."  I must've said it like.. 7 times.  Which is sort of a lot when it has nothing to do with the butt, penis, or prison slang. 

Oh, I can't remember if I wrote about this or not, but my boss was talking to me.. and I kept saying "Ok"... like a ridiculous amount.  I knew I was saying it a lot, but I still kept saying it.. the people in the other cube must've been thinking this freak had a coconut fall on his head... and then he went off and huffed a bunch of gasoline so he has major brain damage.


Me:  How do you say stroke in Chinese?
Mom: Ching Chang..
Me:  Can I have a ching chang?
Mom:  If you do you'll have a lot of problems.  Your uncle had a blood clot in his eye --
Me:  Can I have a butt stroke?


Me:  I went to go get shoes and I told the guy, "Hey, I have an extra toe, do you have a wider pair?"  Then the guy said, "Ugh... that's gross, get out of my store!"
Mom:  There's no way he said that, he wants your business.
Me:  Ok.. actually, he said, "You're Chinese, that's gross... GET OUT!"


Mom:  Your face is sweaty.  You should go wash it.
Me:  I'm going to wipe a bunch of sesame oil on my face, pour soy sauce over my head, and smear fish manure all over the place.

Dog in a car

Today in the news:

Pit Bull Left in Hot Car at Arden Fair Mall


I'm not sure why this is news.. but I learned that some people are way way way wayyyyy into this sort of stuff.  The entire article is probably 150 words.  So it was a quick read.  Lady left her pit bull in the car.  Lady went shopping.  Lady left car running by using the remote start with the AC on, but it must've turned off automatically after 10 minutes.  Lady faces $500 fine.  Dog drinks lots of water after firepeople let it out.

So. that's all fine and dandy.  Moving onto the comments.. the worst one being:

"can we get an update please?"

what sort of an update do you need?  Everything is right there.

Then there's tons of comments saying that she's stupid and that she shouldn't own a pet and that she's being cruel.  It's pretty clear that she kept the AC on for the dog by using her remote starter, but she didn't know it would automatically turn off.. So, stupid, sure. But a different kind of stupid... not the sort these internet folk are throwing at her.  Cruel?  probably not, I don't think she purposefully left the dog in the car.  So... please don't act like such retards.. everybody.

The bigger problem here is that she was willing to leave her car running for 2 hours with the AC on... not going anywhere.  So, looking at the big picture here.. fuck the dog.  The car is running and it's spitting out all sorts of crap.  Anybody that leaves their car running just so they can have a bit of AC going I have a problem with.  Can you not sacrifice 10 minutes or whatever of cool comfort and turn your engine off?  Even if your car is electric, that doesn't mean a thing.. your car doesn't have emissions, but the power plants sure have emissions.

But ok. back to the internet commenters.. don't be so reactionary.. Don't rush to lick a dog's balls and defend them because they can do that themselves.

I mean, what if the story was this...

Lady leaves pit bull in car on hot day.  Dog ball licking bystanders free the dog by smashing the lady's window.  Dog bites the shit out of dog ball licking bystanders and kills a baby, several kittens and bunnies, and kills the president.  In a strange turn of events, the dog becomes leader of America and begins human testing of products on retarded people who leave comments on the internet without thinking.  America becomes a nation where people leave their cars running to keep their dogs happy and I have a big pile of dog shit to clean up.  The flies are happy though.


So.. there.  She's not stupid.  She was trying to kill an evil dog.

Kid stuff.

Uh.. I just remembered that my dad took me to some sort of laundry convention when I was little.  I had a good time because I ate a hot dog and some chips.  That's about all I remember about that.

My aunt had a giant orange tree.  Every summer it would stink because of all the rotting oranges.  She lived across the street from my grandma, so that was nice. 

Me and my brother used to make a mess in my grandma's backyard.  We would grab mud and make miniature dams and divert water all over the place.  We never cleaned up, hoping we could expand, but it was never there the next day.

My grandma also had an assortment of insects and bugs in her backyard.  I think we spent a summer catching ladybugs.  They used to piss on my hand or something... I don't actually know what it was, but after I got the ladybug in the jar, I would have this yellow liquid stuff on my hand.

I was in either... 1st or 2nd grade and we had some sort of insect assignment.  Somehow me and my brother managed to catch and pin a black widow to a piece a styrofoam... I'm pretty sure it was dead to begin with and we had put it in one of those prize bubbles you get from those toy machines.  Even with that, the teacher wasn't really amused by it and wanted me to throw it away.  I f'ing loved it... but looking back at it... Dude, what a couple of freaks.

Oh. and Eyewitness books.  I'm literally going to throw Eyewitness books at my little shitty kid.  You know, to make them scared of books with pictures.



I'm not really going to do that.

Monkey haired

So I feel like my hair has grown out to monkey length... Or ape length.. Or whatever category a gorilla falls under.. Thats all I was thinking about today. Monkey head. Also, I'm working with a ridiculously large data set.. 15 minute data taken over 10 years really adds up. It's an excel file that's 38 MB and it finally crashed the crappy work computer.

Tomorrow I'm going to break it again.

"Talk fight"

Nerds are strange. Like me. Internet nerds... Are.. Well look at this:

"You guys can't be serious. Do you guys honestly think Batman could loose [sic] to Spiderman? First of all, there is no way Spiderman could've taken that much damage from Batman and his weapons. Spiderman's durability is around building level and Batman's standard equipment has the destructive capacity of a small building. Spiderman could not have survived that many attacks from Batman's weapons. He should've at least been weakened, since 1 grenade was able to weaken Spiderman, yet multiple of Batman's weapons and a car exploding right beneath him didn't weaken him. Did you guys not notice that Batman's standard equipment has the destructive capacity of a small building?"

So... I remember writing a blog back in the MySpace days about units. I was sick of horsepower or something like that and wanted to switch the units to whalepower.. My car, for instance is 1 wp. Did I mention whales yesterday? Oh well.. You get more whales. It's shark week, but here's some whales. Or it was shark week...

But back to the nerd. "Spiderman's durability is around building level." That to me is such a strange thing to say. I always thought Spiderman's durability was that of a giant ass spider... Not a spider with a big ass, but you know... A big one. But it's just so weird... I might also add that the entire argument he's presenting was 4 times as long, and it was all about how batman would actually win in a theoretical scenario and how spiderman couldn't handle Batman's building destroying weapons. I don't understand why he wanted to be right so badly that he wrote this short story for the Internet. And the anger he has... There's a guy that really really really likes Batman.



Me and my brother actually used to do this on long drives. We called them "talk fights" we would choose a superhero or villain and stick them on top of a building and we would verbally make our moves by taking turns explaining things. For example:

Cyclops vs. Gambit
"ok, I shoot my laser eyes at you."
"I dodge it and blow you up with my cards"
"you knocked my visor off and I blast the shit out of your Cajun ass."

My brother always won... He actually read the comics whereas I just looked at the pictures.. Plus he was the intellectual superior, I was just an 8 year old Dum Dum that couldn't figure out my brother's tricks... I think his tricks were mainly, "before you did that I...." or "you can't do that because I..." you probably call it cheating... I call it the best waste of time ever on those long car rides.

PS - I spent weeks to months thinking about how I would beat him... And i finally figured out a plan.. I think it was with the Fantastic Four.. But I think in the end he just threw me off the building or something... A building that Batman could destroy.. and Spiderman couldn't handle if it fell on him. Or wait.. I think i was The Thing and he was The Invisible Woman.. And he scooped me up and dropped me off the building.. After that I only chose people that could fly or could avoid falling..

The Charlie Brown Kick

I've just decided that the Charlie Brown kick is the most powerful kick in existence.  Everybody knows the bit.... Charlie Brown goes to kick the football, then Lucy pulls the ball away at the last second, sending ol' baldy browny Charlie flipping around until he lands on his ass...  but just imagine if he lands that sort of a kick... the force required to send that forehead haired freak spinning through the air has to be pretty intense.

I thought of this after I was politely explaining on Facebook to the old housemate that I needed a ray gun... I thought, if things intensify, I will be required to deploy the Charlie Brown kick and make my problems go away.  The target doesn't quite have the speed of a girl moving a ball... or even the speed of The Blob from X-Men.. or... even The Slug from Blade... or some other fat ass slow moving freak from comics... uh..... Elephantom.. that'll be my fat comic character.. and apparently that's already been taken by some band... so..... Hippopotamustard.. uh.. probably not the best comic character.  Maybe Hippopotmustard will work best as a mascot.  Like the Noid.. "Avoid the Noid."  Hipp.... the.. mustar.... Forget it...  because that one was taken too...  Fat Asser Whale... there. nobody has that.  Problem solved.

Of course none of them can withstand the power of a Charlie Brown Kick.  KAPOWWWWWW!  That's the noise it makes.


Watch out!  It's Fat Asser Whale!

Don't worry!  I'll use my Charlie Brown Kick!  Kapowwwwww!!!




and that's how i'll save the day tomorrow.

A broken guitar

Man... This spider or mosquito bit the palm of my hand. I'm sorta used to getting bitten, but this one is in a totally new spot. Well, whatever it was, it got some good eating. My blood is f'ing delicious. It's universal donory... O!

So I managed to glue the neck on the broken guitar back in place. The neck is way bent though... And I also shaved a bit too much off the bridge.. Also.. I did it like a blind drunk man... Or.. That should be a drunk blind man... So it's totally jagged... But, broken neck, high action and all... I really like how this guitar sounds and plays. It's cheap. It's raw. It's in no way perfect... But it plays. Perfection is boring anyway...

Poison.

Um.. I'm 90% sure I just stepped in something awful. It was borderline foot rape. But I'm not going to write about it because I convinced myself it was something else.. Or it belonged to somebody else.. Here's something else my mom said to me!


Mom: you never got fat when I was cooking for you when you were little.
Me: that's because what you made was poison and I wasn't eating it.

Poop soup

Mom:  Did you finish that thing you've been sewing?
Me:  Not yet.
Mom:  When you finish it take a picture and let me see.
Me:  When I finish it I'm going to throw it in your face.
Mom:  You have a bad attitude. ["bad attitude" is one of the few things my mom only says in English to me.]
Me:  How do you say 'attitude' in chinese?
Mom: ching chang.
Me:  I have a good ching chang... When I finish I'm going to throw it in your face.

Mom:  If you have a test to take you should take it.
Me:  oh, can I bring a poisonous snake into the exam? and when I get to a really hard question I'll take it out and throw it at somebody.  I'll be fine after that.
Mom:  No, don't do bad things.

Me:  I shaved my head.
Mom:  If you shaved your head don't get your passport renewed it doesn't look good.
Me:  What if I want to go to Canada?
Mom:  Then you need your passport.
Me:  What about Arizona... that's in Mexico.
Mom:  Your geography is really bad.
Me:  How about China?  That's in Africa.  I'm black.

Me: Hey, what's something I can make that really smells?
Mom: Durian smells bad. 
Me:  No, I don't want to eat durian...
Mom: You can also deep fry stinky tofu and the whole house will smell.
Me: What if I made poop soup?
Mom:  I've never heard of that.

Stah.

I have to post this.. after not replying to 2 or 3 messages I received this one today:

"Are you still there? --- maybe let me know... thank you."

Does it sound like he's annoyed?  ahahah... 'thank you.'  He's always telling me that women always turn into 'bitches.'  So, good.  Confirmation that the women aren't the ones to blame.

And now evvverything is gone forever.




I was walking through downtown and there was this kid in a stroller just saying stuff while his mom was standing next to him texting.  As I got closer I could hear him saying "Stah" over and over again.  He would even toss in this thing where he would put his open hand near his mouth... and thrust it forward when he let out, "Stah!"  He eyed the shit out of me when I walked passed him... but I did get on the recieving end of one of his stah's. I'm pretty sure he was making fun of me... the little shit.. but actually he was trying to say 'star', but he was from New York or Boston or something... and he was actually complementing the shit out of everything around him, including me.

Thanks you little freak, don't you dare let me down when you grow up.

the first day.

I got a free cheap guitar today from somebody that's moving out to Austin.  She told me the "handle" was broken.  I wasn't sure what she meant by that... but she meant that the neck was broken... the one thing I didn't want broken.  Oh well.  Time to Frankenstein this thing back into working condition.

So I'm pretty sure I'll have it all fixed by tomorrow... or it'll all come undone and I'll get to try again.



Here's some stuff from the secret note book:

The Unicorns - Jellybones
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mIZooCIQ3o


"Just going to sleep could kill you when you OD."

"God never closes a door without opening a window, but he/she might close it while you're crawling through."

"Yes, I think something's wrong with me... but be glad nothing's wrong with you."

The worst thing ever (with commentary)

So... I lied a few days ago, apparently.  Here's the last thing ever.  A final curtain type thing.  I'm not proud of it, but I genuinely believe it had to be done.  Anybody that can't figure out that they make the house stink like burnt ass because they don't clean the oven deserves this.  I'm going to try to disable the oven, but you won't hear about it here..

So here it is.  I went with a username that read "Just books for me."  A 96% match, 81 % friend, and 8% enemy.  Plus a saucy picture of some lady to along with it too.  I apologize to the lady for stealing her picture...  It'll be gone in a few days.

While answering questions I learned that this guy is full of more bullshit than I had thought.  One that sticks out is "Do you like punk music?"  he always tells me he likes what I'm playing.... He even told me that today after i played a few cassettes I havent listened to yet... so I answered, "when I was younger but not anymore."  His answer was... "No." with my answer being unacceptable to him.  So he's lying to somebody.  F' him.


Ok. Here we go.  I'm going to call the person 'books' because I feel too uncomfortable putting 'me'.



Books:  Hello, Is there anything you would whisper to me? 

[this is based off of his creepy as shit profile.  when i read his profile i could hear his fart filled voice.  under 'the most private thing about you' part he put, "maybe i'll whisper it to you" or something f'ed up like that.]


J:  Yes, I whispher [sic] to you that you have a great smile, and I'd love to be a new friend of yours here, if we could begin, perhaps, with a few messages.

[so i probably could've stopped here.... but it was a slow day at work. The guy really likes his commas.   Like I'm one to talk..]

Books:  Sure thing, Jim. I'm Stacey, nice to meet you.

[I had a hard time coming up with a name.  I once told somebody, if I got a sex change I would want to be called Stephanie because of the song... Then i thought about Caroline.. Because of the songs.. Then Mary... Then Meridith... I did not choose that for a good reason.  Then Stacey popped into my head.]


J:  Nice to meet you too, Stacey. Are you new to Davis? New to this site? I've been about 2 years, am somewhat new to this site. You must like books, like I do, with your "name" of [Just Books four Me] --- books are great, for sure. Anyway, tell me what you feel like and I will do the same

[The guy can't count or he's just really prone to lying about things.  2 years?  I told him about the site last year... so 1 year... and even if it was 2 years, who the hell is still 'new' at 2 years?  "Hi everybody, this is my 2 year old baby!  He's still somewhat of a newborn... so be careful.  He still has all that shit on him the doctor was supposed to wipe off, that's why he's a newborn!"  and also, "I've been about 2 years, am somewhat new to the site" is the most cryptic ass shit ever.    He told me he used to teach Asians how to write.  I now know why some Asians write so badly. Also,  I don't want to tell him anything...  It would be much much much too harsh.  Also... Who ends sentences with "for sure?" that's something I would say if I wanted to sound like a bag of crocodile dicks.]


Books:  Yes, I just moved here from the Bay. I'm very new to the site. I thought this would be a good way to find friends and maybe more ;).  I do love books!

[oh wait.  ok. I guess I did want to tell him something... Something awful.  Guh.... I feel freaking gross right now. I mean.. Writing "I do love books"... Ok no.  It was the "more" and the wink.


Aug 8, 2012 – 10:53am
J:  I understand. I lived in Berkeley for 3 years some years ago. The Bay is great, as you know. Why did you leave and come here? We both love books, and that is great! I used to sell rare first editions on line. Berkeley has some great bookstores, but some have closed. SF has a few good ones also. Well, it gets much hotter over here, for sure, Stacey. I'm on here to try to meet like-minded new friends too. Not easy "on-line", but I do hope to get to know you. Do you have any favorite authors?
Aug 8, 2012 – 10:59am
I must go out for errands now, before the big heat today. Back in a few hours.

[a two part-er!  For some reason I want to say that his selling of rare first edition books is total shit.  I'm sure he meant he's donated urine soaked books to the library at night.  AND!!!! surprise surprise!  The fucking weather shows up.  He knew he was losing me here... so he thought, "I hope I'm not being boring.... Better bring out the big guns here... time to really WOW this lady! Let's see... 'It gets much hotter over here, for sure!'  Boom! pants off please! She won't be able to resist me now! No woman can resist a guy that talks like a bag of crocodile dicks."]

Books:  Oh how fun! Do you still sell books?  I just accepted a job in Sacramento. The commute would be much easier from Davis.

[Right about now, I'm feeling bad about this.  I'm looking for an out because he keeps asking me shitty questions that I don't want to make up lies about.... but there's my answer to one of his questions.]


J:  Yes, book collecting & selling is fun. For me, it is modern literature. If you are going to work in Sacramento, yes, Davis much closer than the Bay of course. But Davis is more expensive than Sacramento, albeit smaller and safer with the University also. I hope your job goes well. Do you begin soon? --- wow, a real hot one today and thru the weekend says the forecast. Perhaps we can meet up sometime, have coffee or something. I'm not a fan of the real hot weather, I'm guessing you may not be either.

[I guess we're even now.  I dodge one of his questions... he answers mine in a shitty manner.  I've never seen him sell anything.  I still don't really understand what he means by, "For me, it is modern literature."  I'm guessing he means that he sells modern literature or he's really into modern literature.. but he writes it in this weird way... "it is modern literature."  makes me think back to his poem.  "Book selling is modern literature /a slinging of books to cats that can read / to feed the author mushy peas / Book selling is modern literature / Book selling is modern / BOOK.......... SELLING........ IS!!!!!!!!!!!! / Book selling... Book."  Oh, and you know what else I don't like?  how he starts giving this person living advice.  She moved to Davis.. why are you telling her about how expensive it is to live here?  She can obviously afford it with all the made up money I put in this made up person's made up bank account.  Well, we all know how he's going to bring this one back around don't we?  Weather talk.  It wasn't even that hot today.. so I don't really know what he's talking about.  Anyway.  I thought this was the perfect place to end it.  If I kept it up, I might have called him a truckload of of testicles or something... or maybe I would tell him that Miss Book has a weiner or something.  Oh, I've never seen an English teacher use "thru" too.]


There you have it.  The guy is loose with his commas and he's obsessed with telling people about the weather.  It's going to hit triple digits this weekend and our AC is broken, but I dont even care.  He'll either stick around and burn up and bitch about it (i may snap and tell him to shut up) or run off to the bay area where I think he sleeps in his car.

Anyway.  That's the end of it.  He did seem pretty happy today, which I sort of feel bad about.  All of that didn't really matter as soon as he started cooking though.  Hm... maybe I could have him cook this made up person dinner and see how much of the house doesn't get burnt down.  But I won't.  Oh, another thing about his oven antics... all that crusty burnt stuff falls out onto the floor and he never sweeps it up.  So it gets stuck to my feet and I don't like it.... I used to think it was my fault... you know, being extra careless with my spice shaking and somehow getting it all over the floor... but that's not the case.

And that's the end of it.  I enjoyed making fun of him at first, but then it just got to be too much.  It wasn't fun anymore because I realized that this person is brain dead and useless.  He's fake. he's phony. I genuinely get upset because of the things he does and I don't really like that.  

When I come home I see him drinking beer and eating ice cream while reading the paper for 4 hours.. Then he tops it all off by burning stuff in the oven, touching my stuff, and using everybody else's detergent.   Oh, along the lines of detergent, I ran out of dish soap and he put out a half used bottle of his stuff in my spot.  Why he had two bottles of half used dish soap I don't know... But I moved his bottled and bought my own.

There. Done.  The only other time you'll hear about him is if he moves out or tries to rape me or something.. Or if I manage to upset him to a point where he tries to fight me and I get to go fist to liver Tyson style.

Good night moon.

J&MC

"I'd like to say I remember it well, but I cannot because I was incredibly drunk that night. I was drunk because I was incredibly nervous, and that was always the way with me. Probably with the rest of the band too. Then we all just fell about the place in a heap. I remember falling over Bobby's drum kit at least half a dozen times, and remember seeing people's faces, as if the freak show had just rolled into town. Standing a few rows back with the big blonde 80s hairdo is my future wife.

I remember being interviewed in the dressing room before the show - and the guy was going on a lot about 'indie music' and we were just about to sign with Warners and he demanded to know why. We asked what was wrong with a major, and he kept saying they were all evil. We asked him to tell us five of his favorite records and all five were on major labels, The Doors, Love, The Sex Pistols."

I got a book today.

Head held high

The only thing that brings me down right now is who I live with. I don't want to be mean, but I just don't like this person. I have good reason to dislike this person. I'm not the sort of person that has negative feelings towards somebody else for no reason. I always have a reason.. And I believe my reasons are good.

To me, this person comes off as fake. He's a phony. "a great big phony." and that to me is the worst thing anybody can be. He tells me that personal space is important to him, yet, he constantly invades mine by using and touching things that are mine. He tells me somebody else moving into the house would ruin the energy in the house, but he doesn't realize that he ruined the so called "energy" me and my old roommate had when he moved in.

Half of the stuff he tells me is backwards. He says things that he thinks I want to hear, but I don't ever want anybody to do that. I asked him about my guitar playing. He told me my guitar playing, "wasn't great." but what does he know about the guitar? He doesn't know shit.

I had somebody over and he tells her, "oh yeah, he plays the guitar.. Quite well too." Fuck him. Phony bullshit, that's all he's capable of.

So I'm going to play my music at a higher volume. Im going to play punk especially loud because he says he's not into it. I'm going to be noisier in the morning. I'm going to ignore him when he talks. And most importantly, I'm going to succeed in life and show him how much of a fuck up he is. I don't care if he gets depressed. I don't care if he has to drink two beers everyday to escape reality. I'll be nice to him once he figures this out... I don't like him, and he's a waste of space. He uses an excess of resources without contributing to society. Fuck him.

I'm done. This is the end of my posts about him.


Other than that, today was pretty good.

Guh....

Old man bought some Shiner Bock beer. I know he doesn't like the brownish beers, so I don't know why he bought it. I've bought it a few times because I like brownish beers.

He has some Chinese characters hanging in his room... The words don't really have any sort of meaning. Or it says "law mountain".. Which I don't understand.

He has two phone numbers posted in his room. Next to one of the numbers it says, "Alice", or something like that... Next to the name it says, "Fat, likes modern art." the other one says, "Mary, kinda fat." in the corner of Alice's note he wrote, "horny"... I proceeded to throw up for the next three hours.

Laughing/crying girl gave me some weird detergent. I put the bottle in the laundry room in a very specific way so I could see if he touched it. He touched it. Rotated the bottle. I bought some delicious lemonade and placed them in the refrigerator with the labels hidden. One bottle was rotated because the old man can't help but touch my stuff.

I do not have OCD... But I would prefer it if old saggy breast face didn't touch my lemonade.

For my next trick I'm going to ruin the "energy" and "flow" of the house. That seems to really bother him for some reason even though he doesn't understand what it's all about.

The landlord didn't collect rent from him for some reason. Probably because he's a weird freak and he didn't leave his check out on the counter...they would rather delay their $430 payment than have to talk to him.

boltonites.

Gah... I made a fake email account, but I totally forgot the stupid name I made up... So I can't check to see if a certain somebody replied to a really awesome email I wrote.  It was so f-ing good too...

I was basically something like...

"Hi, How are you?  Would you like to go see Michael Bolton?"

annnnd. that's why it was awesome. Michael Bolton.

Well... it's probably unlikely that he replied to it anyway... but I would've played some Mexican lady that was kind of really obsessed with Michael Bolton.. my name was literally on some sort of life Oscar because my performance would've been that good.

But! again.... in order to conduct a bit of research for the role, I listened to about 30 seconds of a Michael Bolton song... I'm pretty sure the joke is on me and not him with the pranks I've been pulling..


Oh well.... my hand still smells like this person I shook hands with.  It smells good, but I need to wash it.

Band names

Here's stuff:

-Buffalo Ringworm
-Johnny and the Cosmic Trio
-The Fantastic Fantastics
-Monkey Bong Tokes
-Cheese Morphers from Space
-Wing Dang Doodle and Wang
-Poop on a Stick
-Somebody's Semen
-China Butt
-Momentary Pedophilia from the Up Stair Man
-Acid Rat Hammer
-Dirty Agnes and the Vaginal Warts

There. I spent about a minute writing down band names that I'll use if the old man ever asks me something about music.

But then if he's actually serious and not trying to make shitty small talk with me he'll probably google it... Or wait... He'll Ask Jeeves it or something awful like that and wind up on this blog post.

So.... I'm going to eat some fish now. Disregard EVERYTHING!!!

Gift wrapping paper

I need some gift wrapping paper because I have a pretty awesome idea... It'll probably come out awful... But in my head right now.. It's wonderful.

So...... Gift wrap. I need it. I'll find some tomorrow or something.


I also need to finish sewing my secret thing.. And that sounds dirtier than it needs to be.

Garbage truck

Last Thursday, as I was leaving for work, I noticed a lady standing outside with a kid.. A few seconds later I realized the lady was standing outside so the kid could watch the garbage truck come by and do its mechanical arm business. At this point, I got all melancholy because that's exactly what my grandma used to do with me... I was fascinated by the garbage truck and my grandma would stand around with me and make sure I didn't run off and try to get picked up by the mechanical arm...

Thanks grandma.

"Ghosts"

I came home today... Before I went through the door, I noticed that the old man had Hendrix blaring through his window up stairs.. When I walked through the door, the guy was sitting on the couch downstairs... So what's the problem here? Rather than using the stereo system that's literally 5 ft to his right... He puts his music on with his system up stairs and turns the volume wayyyyy up so it sounds like shit because of the weird path the sound waves need to travel.. At this point I decided that he is the only person I've ever met who just refuses to use his brain.

Did I already mention that he's stealing brandy from the people that live here? He pours his friend a bit of it then adds water to make it look like the bottle is still full... But... The bottle was unopened before.. And now it's opened and watered down.. Asshole..

So I've been thinking about hiding a speaker up stairs and sending freaky sounds to it at night. Although it's a sort of complicated plan that will require some more thought.. My goal is to make him think the house is haunted or something.. I'm sure he'll come up with something even more ridiculous... Like, "Nelson, I'm hearing strange noises at night... Do you think the rats are performing exorcisms at night?"

drinking

Oh... PS... about the drinking.

I got so screwed up from it I woke up looking like a different person.. it was crazy... the hangover was awful and my eyes are all messed up from throwing up.

So I further reinforced the importance of clean water for myself.

Magnanimous

Time to cut the bullshit... I've been nice to the old guy. He's been
doing his weird old guy shit and I didn't let it bother me. But I
can't do that anymore... his head is in the wrong place. He reads too
much shitty literature and his head is turning to mush. He
misinterprets shit because he does that crappy high school english
thing of reading into things a wholllllllle lot. So basically... this
all started a couple weeks ago...

I get a phone call right around 11:40am.. I don't answer, because it's
him.. a minute later... I get a voicemail... "blah blah blah I'm
old... it's about noon [he gave me the wrong time? what's going up
with that?] blah blah blah blah blah blah blah... Richard's here right
now... blah blah blah... somebody's going to come by to check out the
house.... blah blha blahblabhalsdkfasdfkjadsfkffffffffffffff.... "
ok.... if you ever want to deliver any sort of news to me... and you
don't want me to get any sort of enjoyment out of it, have this guy
tell me about it.... because if it's good news... i'll just
automatically hate the fact that he's talking to me, so I'm not happy
right away... and if it's bad news... I'll end up blowing my brains
out because he'll send me into such a vortex of depression that that's
the only place I could go...

So.. anyway.. a kid comes by to check out the house at noon..... I
come home around 4:00.... I walk in the door and it was seriously like
I walked in on a guy with a noose around his neck standing on a
chair... So I ask him... like a normal person, "So, how was the guy
that came by?" and then he started... "Boyyyyy... let me tell you....
we're in trouble if he moves in." So now I'm thinking.... what's he
so worked up about? So he lets me go, "I'll let you get settled in
and we can talk about this.." So I go out and get the mail... When I
come back in... he's pacing around with his hands on his hips... so...
what the fuck? He starts telling me about what happened... I pour
myself a drink because I had to prepare myself for the forthcoming
flood of bullshit... and he asks, "Could I get some of that whiskey?"
I say sure.... I said, "Take however much you want." See what happens
when you ask me for things? (Hint.... detergent.)

Here he goes... the kid came by with his mom... of course, he's up
hiding in his room while all this is happening.... if he doesn't want
the kid to move in.... seriously, all he has to do is follow the kid
around as he's checking the place out... easy. done. no need to
worry. but he hides in his room.... he actually came out and met the
kid for about 2 minutes... he learned his first name... he knows that
the kid is going to be going to davis... but his big issue with the
kid is... he thinks he's 18. He has no hard facts that he's 18....
he's basing everything by how the kid looks... which is such bullshit
to me... because he doesn't really know. So that's his big problem...
he meets somebody for 2 minutes and he instantly doesn't like him...
what's even worse is... he says, "If the kid moves in and takes the
upstairs room I'm moving in downstairs next to you." so out pops the
little devil on my shoulder, "Fuck this guy.... just shout it out...
Fuck you! Fuck you old man! Say it!!!" But I didn't... But he says
this after telling me for an hour that the "energy" of the house would
be ruined if this kid moved in... he says his personal space would be
violated... and yet... his solution to fix it... is to make me
uncomfortable as fuck by moving in next to me... so fuck him.. really.
So that was the little nudge that pushed me back towards being an
asshole to this guy and ignoring him.. It was also during this
conversation that he told me he was in his 40's.... twice... which I
know for a fact is a lie.

I told him, if you're so annoyed by this, send an email to the
landlord.... I basically had to write it for him because for some
reason he didn't know what to say... but for the past hour and a
half... he knew exactly what to say to bore the shit out of me... So I
say... tell him I want to meet the kid before he moves in.. that sort
of thing..

In between this event and the one I'll get to later... our AC
breaks... The fan works, but the bit that cools that house doesn't
kick on.. It was broken for about 2 days... but because I wasn't
around half the time I didn't notice until after 2 days... so the fan
is on for 2 days... fuckface over there is at home all the time and he
doesn't notice at all... you can hear it running... the house isn't
getting cool.... so what's his solution? He leaves the house... he
doesn't even turn the system off... he just leaves it on... I get back
that night at 2am... and realize the house is hot as fuck... so I flip
the system off... and start fucking around with everything because the
fan won't turn off.... I try for an hour to fix it... and nothing
works... so I go to sleep and shoot a text to the landlord the next
morning at 8:30 or so. So... I think... the dude is lazy..

Something else that happens... something's dead in the walls
upstairs... I can smell it when I do the laundry... He comes at me
while I'm in the kitchen... smile on his face... like some smug
shitface that knows something that I don't know.... but because it's
him, everything he tells me that I don't know.... it's because it's
some false crap that I just don't believe. So he says, "You know that
smell up stairs? I think a rat died up there." His solution? "If
the smell gets really bad I'm going to have to sleep downstairs..."
So I kind of like this dead rat... i like that it bothers him. I'll
let it be and wind up with the plague if it means he's bothered by it.

He comes at me a couple days later with this handwritten note... and
says... here's the reply to that email... and he totally
misinterpreted everything.... it's not the fact that he didn't just
forward it to me.... but he wrote everything down on a piece of
paper... So here it is:

"Sorry to reply late, I've been so busy lately. Nelson called me last
Wed. about the AC issue, but he didn't tell me about the guy that
checked out the room. So I will call him tomorrow and see what is
Nelson's thought about this." Somehow he twisted this to mean, the
landlord had no idea somebody was coming by to look at the house...
but in reality... I just didn't mention it because I don't care.... I
tried to remind him that it's not your property... you rent a room in
the house... it's like a hotel, you don't really get to choose who
you're next to and the rent is super cheap.... something like that...
and he shoots back with, "Oh? Just because the rent is cheap that
means they can be fucking rude to us?" Fuck.... what an asshole.

Ok... here's basically the last straw for me... I was drinking and
playing the guitar on Friday... good times... good sounds.... I make
my way out to the kitchen and I see him, so I pour myself another
drink... and another... and by the time it's all over, I have half a
bottle of whiskey in my system... So... I'm drunk, but I'm still being
nice to him... I'm talking to him... and playing him music on the
iPad... the other old guy comes by and hangs out because it was his
birthday... which was weird.... so then I ask, "Hey, I'm going to
steal one of your beers." He says, "Sure." or "That's what they're
there for.." Something along those lines... and the second I crack it
open.... he blurts out, "Now you owe me a beer." Which is such a
fucked up thing to say... who seriously says stuff like that? You
fucking said, yes.... So I shoot back... "I've given you beers before,
I think we're even." I gave him a can of Dale's Pale Ale... which he
doesn't remember because he's such a fuckhead... then I tell him I
gave him a beer for reading my paper... which he shoots back with...
"Well i should've gotten paid a lot more than that." I remember
before he was reading it... and while he was reading it... that he
didn't need to and he could stop... that sort of thing if he didn't
want to do it... so... asshole. He then tells me if I know anybody
around the age of 35 that I should send them his way.. Which is such
a gross thing....... There is only one person I dislike enough to put
them through something so horrible... and we all know who that is...

So the guy is a closet asshole... My goal... is to somehow put myself
in a situation where I can punch him in the face and get away with
it.. like self defense... So I need to start provoking him into that
sort of a situation.

Oh... he also told me that he's managed property before and that he
didn't let people move in unless he felt they would be a good fit....
Of course I think this is all bullshit... I don't ever believe
anything this guy says anymore...



So... I'll be nice.... to everybody but this guy. No more feeling
sorry for him. No more giving him a chance... he's cut dead and
officially up there as one of the great assholes in history.

Zzzzz

There was a whole lotta noise going on outside of my room, then one really loud crash like somebody dropped a desk, and then it got quiet. So I'm ok with that. Turns out its the landlord.

I got sort of drunk last Friday. I didn't go anywhere.. So what happened was I wound up talking to the old man.. Because i turn into a really nice guy when im drunk.

I'm telling him how I like the Ramones.. And he say stuff like, "well... They weren't really that good.". And I say, "they weren't good... But at the same time they were the best band ever." I just think he has his lips pressed up against Hendrix's ass too much. He brings up Hendrix and his tone changes. It's mainly muffled praise because he has Jimi's ghost penis in his mouth.. So.. Yeah.. Ok. The Ramones couldn't play like Hendrix, but they were just as inspirational. Plus the Ramones bashing is coming from a guy that thinks The Slits was what 70's punk music was about. Whatever.

I played him a few other tunes as I made salsa for myself.


The very next day he comes over to my doorway as I'm playing Tetris Attack.. And he says, "that was fun last night. Thanks for that." uh.... Ok. I don't even think I turned around and looked at him.... Tetris Attack is serious business... Ignoring the old man is also pretty darn serious.

Anyway... What came out of it was I now have to burn him some Hendrix LP he had and sold for $30. I just checked on eBay and you could get a copy of it for about $25... He thinks it's worth hundreds for some reason... Probably because it's jimi hendrix and he wishes he could get into some weird ghost love situation with the guy.

Mom says...

Mom asks me, "Is it hot up there?"

"Yeah, it's m-f'ing hot."

"You should think about turning on the AC."

"Wait... did you hear me?  It's m-f'ing hot."

"No."

"Well, it's 98 degrees outside....... it's m-f'ing hot."

"You have a bad attitude."

"Hey.... can I set fire to the house so it gets really hot inside... so when I go outside it feels really good?"

"No.  That's not a good idea."

"No, you see.... if I burn the house, it'll be like... 300 degrees inside..... so when I go outside it'll feel really good."

"No..... that's not a good idea.."

"Ok... it's m-f'ing hot though."


Also...

"Does your head still look like a basketball?"

"No... it looks like a bamboo shoot."

"That's not possible... bamboo shoots are pointy."

"Yeah.  I'm running into things and stabbing them with my head."

"Ok.... well I'm going to go eat dinner now.  Bye."

shirtless..

Oh goody.. goooooooody.... good-f'ing-dy... the old guy is sitting on
the couch without a shirt on and groaning... probably because he knows
that's what I want to see when I get home.... actually.. it's pretty
much the exact opposite of what I would like to see.... but it's
mainly because he just felt like stretching about without his shirt on
to have a little groan when I came home. I turned the AC on to avoid
a situation like this.. but he finds a way... he finds a way to do all
the ridiculous things that annoy me and none of the things that are
helpful to society.

So... I think it was because he decided to do yard work. He only does
yard work when he thinks the landlord is coming by. Really.... he
spends like 3 hours outside and all he comes up with is this tiny
little pile of leaves and a tiny amount of lawn clippings. The
landlord comes by... take about an hour and he's off chopping off
branches, mowing the lawn, pulling weeds, and stealing cherries. The
old guy is obsessed with trying to take care of this house in this
loser-ish way. Just knock it off, dude.... and if you're going to do
it please don't sit around afterwards without your shirt on stretching
about and groaning..

This is what I get for being nice to him... I need to be an asshole to
him so he doesn't feel like he can get away with shit like this....
It's 85 degrees outside.... the AC is on.... there is zero reason you
need to be sitting around like that.. well... i suppose there would be
one reason... if he ever gets a tattoo of a bullseye on his chest with
the text, "Shoot here with rocket launcher."

2 things

1) "flashiness" with water has nothing to do with its ability to do jazz hands.

2) I was making bootleg sushi and was putting eggs in it. Old man says, "are those eggs?" and I say, "yes.." he says, "interesting..............." it's not really that interesting.. How does somebody live with me for a year and not realize that, given the opportunity, I will stick eggs in anything. I alway have eggs in the fridge. I'm a sucker for eggs. Some might even say I'm an egg sucker.. Some might..... Wait...

When in doubt...

one of my favorite people was posting on Facebook today. The kid is f'ing nuts and he doesn't even know it.. I had him in my senior project and I was in charge, so I told him to draw something up in AutoCAD. Now the hint is in the name there... CAD... Computer assisted design. So cool. I thought at the time he could handle that, thinking he was some closet genius that was really good at computers.. I mean.. He's made it through some classes retards take 6 times to pass..... So a bit of drafting work should be easy..... He won't let me down!

He shows up at our next meeting holding a big piece of rolled up paper.. I'm thinking... Holy shit... He actually did it.. So we finish up going over more important stuff and I ask him to show me what he has... Now... Remember... 'computer assisted design.'

He rolls out the paper and the first thing I notice is.... It's all done by hand... In pencil... The lines aren't straight even though a ruler's been used... And I can see all his erased mistakes... It was at that point.. That I decided to never rely on this kid again. Gah... It was such a let down...

Anyway.. Come presentation time, I told him he wouldn't be presenting. What's the point in having somebody that's done fuck all present, right? 5 of the 6 of us presented. The one just sat on the stool and stared at the audience the entire time... And he has freaky eyes... I mean.. One side is lazy as fuck.. It really creeps me out..

The only reason i added him on Facebook was because every time I logged in, it would suggest him as a friend and his profile picture was giving me nightmares and stuff.. So I just added him to avoid seeing him pop up.. But now I get all his updates..

Here's the one that really caught my attention... He also posted some stuff about stars being light years away and the light we're seeing is from DEAD stars.. He had dead in all caps.. And he also had a bunch of responses from those yahoo question things posted along with it.. I swear he posted it a year ago too... Anyway.. Here's the good stuff. This is probably the greatest distance you can travel in a sentence so short:

"I am looking at the pass [sic] not the present because I don't know what is happening right now in other countries which I want to visit."

I'm sure he meant 'past'... And for whatever reason he's decided to look at the past and dwell on it.. Something people usually tell you not to do.. Then suddenly!!! You get throw into this thing about other countries.. There's total shit happening in the world.. It's good that he knows this... But Wait!!!!!! He wants to visit them... So.. Is this about thinking about the past or is it about the future and his travel plans? that's like going 1377139481938496 kilometers in one single sentence.

This is so messed up that my feeble mind can't comprehend it... This kid really shouldn't be an engineer... The one thing I have against the school that treated me so well is that they let this kid slip on my the cracks... It wasn't the fact that he gave me a hand drawn schematic of a swale... It was really what happened afterward...

He hopped on a computer and loaded up AutoCAD. He started drawing and I thought... Cool. It was when he asked me... 'how do I flip this?' and I looked at his screen and noticed that the sides of the swale were drawn backwards... All i could say was, "just draw it the right way around."

Here's the kicker... He didn't draw things the right way around... He really wanted to flip it for some reason.. So I said fuck it.. Not out load... But I should've.

"when in doubt.... Fuck it." - John Lennon.

Underwear

This is really the most I've ever disliked a person.  It's all the bullshit he does and the fact that he was forced on me.  Sure, I could've said, "I think you're a fucking weirdo please don't move in." when I was showing him the house... but at the time he had no reason to deserve that.  but also at the time... i already thought he was a fucking weirdo.  Not even the good kind of weird.. like UFO space alien stuff.  He's shit weird.  So maybe it is my fault.. and I have no reason to be angry about this.. but it's still his fault he's shit weird.

Speaking of shit.  Look what's in the trashcan in the laundry room:



Underwear! It looks like there's shit stains all over it or something... it looks fucking gross.  I don't think they're shit stains though... or at least that's what I'm telling myself... and I'm really afraid to inspect what's going on in there... he has a couple notes in there... and of course the underwear.  What's the underwear doing in there anyway?  What did he do to it that warrants its disposal?  I don't want to know... Oh. and he's been here for a year now and he still hasn't bought any detergent.  He's using what's leftover from the guy that was here before me... or it's the landlord's stuff.  I don't know... buying beer is more important to him.. he seriously drinks more than me and my old housemate combined.  Sure, we had our days of getting loaded, but it was always earned.  Throwing your underwear away in the trashcan for me to see is not something I would say deserves a beer.

Why doesn't this fucker own a trashcan?  He's been throwing things away in the laundry room trashcan the entire time he's been living here.. before, we used that trashcan to get rid of the lint from the dryer... now, it sees shitty notes about how to not be such a fuckwit by being even more of a fuckwit, banana peels, and now underwear.... what on earth has this trashcan done to deserve this?  It was happy before.  I'd pull out the lint trap and it would say, "Oh hell yes! Gimme that shit!  Gimme that shit right now!"  but now... it's a very very very sad trashcan... and it's really depressing to me..

Oh.. and you should also notice how he doesn't stick a plastic bag or anything in there to line the trashcan... he has this big fat pile of bags from Target right next to it... but he never puts them in the trashcan.. and you can see how a bunch of the shit he's throwing in there is getting stuck to the sides of the trashcan.. and knowing him... it's never going to get cleaned.. unless he scores some meth and finally decides to clean all day on a whim.


I know I really shouldn't dislike him as much as I do... and I'm probably just as bad to some people.. maybe even him.  If that were the case at least it's going both ways.. but come on... he's really not giving me too many reasons to like him.. and it's not even that hard to get me to think somebody's all right.