Old men

Old man has been inviting his weird friends over.. I hope this one is his friend. The guy looked like a homeless person. Anyway, they're sitting out on the couch outside my room and talking and drinking beer.

If I get knifed in my sleep it's totally their doing.

Old man XX: a tattoo

Boy... do I just love sharing a house with the old man... haaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaa....... Yesterday his brother visits... they went out somewhere to do whatever... but he comes home and goes up stairs and leaves all the lights on downstairs... I'm 90% certain that he had a few drinks because he was talking to somebody on his phone realllllly loudly.  Now... I probably should've just ignored it... but it was pretty darn loud... I couldn't quite make out what he was saying while I was sitting at my desk listening to music... but the second I step outside my room, I could hear him way clear... and he totally sounded like some teenage girl that was complaining about boy problems... except he's old and he was complaining about woman problems.  When I went to turn off the light by the couch I could hear him saying something like... "There's a subliminal thing going on... Women are subliminally looking for... you know... a sugar daddy."  Guh.... I don't even want to get into that... I went and stood by my door and listened.  That's such a bastardish thing to do and I feel horrible about it... but it was pretty interesting.. he went to a party.  He gets out more than I do so why does he need to be such a downer?  He was going to visit his family one weekend... and he caught me while I was making lunch and getting whiskey in my system.. and before he leaves he says, "I'd rather stay here and talk to you."  No... please don't... I took down some of the awful looking chinese decorations the family had up and he's mentioned it like... 3 times to me. "Hey, looks like those decorations fell down..."  "Oh, sure looks a lot better with those things down."  "It really looks a lot better without those tacky things."  Once is enough, dude...

but he's basically being a miserable person and it's dragging me down too.  I go out of my way to avoid talking to him...  So I think I want to get some prozac off of some sort of pharmaceutical black market and sneak it into his coffee... or convince him to get "!rehtegot tihs ruoy teg" tattooed on his forehead... so when he looks in the mirror he'll see, "get your shit together!"

So... please tell me there's a lady out there that's really into weird people... or maybe just one that's suuuuuuuuuuuuper desperate. 

Oh.. about the detergent... he's using the liquid detergent my old housemate left behind.  So... he still hasn't bought any detergent..


I realize the numbering is wayyyyy off for the titles.. sue me.

Me Chinese

Quick... somebody give me a bottle of water, some beer, coffee, and about an hour or so.... oh, and ask me for a coke too..

I thiiiiiiink... I'm s'posed to pee in your coke.  It's like... a joke or something..

Somehow it goes, "Me Chinese, me play joke, me go pee pee in your coke." and the punchline is a cowboy saying, "Me cowboy, me shoot fast, me put bullet in your ass."

Jokes are weird...

Misc. Meat

I came home to this today.. "Misc Meat."  I instantly thought that this was full of the bits that people don't normally eat... or I don't do enough meat shopping and maybe this is totally obvious to somebody else.  But I was fascinated by this... so fascinated that I took a picture.  So fascinated.. that I went back to the refrigerator three times to stare at it... Misc meat... what secrets do you hold?  at $12.99 a pound, I realized it probably wasn't cow bits and gizzards... and the package was really small... like... thin.. so I was thinking... ok. Lunch meat... but... $12.99......... and just roughly a quarter pound of it.. What the hell is this????  I seriously thought about asking the old man what he got... like really.  I would've approached him and asked him... but I have a little bit more sense than to do something THAT crazy..

Ok. So. My plan to find out what was in there... my plan was to observe the old man cooking.. I would go out and do some random things and I could see what was in the package.  Brilliant. 

Ok. So when I hear the refrigerator open... I casually went out to the kitchen to throw something away... You know... just fake like I was actually doing something... but... there was nothing. I was greeted by the old man and his little pot of potatoes and broccoli.. I go back to my room.

Ok.  Now I hear the refrigerator open again... this is it!  Misc meat!!!  But.... nothing.. just the old man.. this time... I so cleverly brought out an empty bottle of banana soda. as to not raise suspicion... oh. turns out banana soda... isn't as good as a regular banana.. nobody wants to see me fellate a banana for it's juice though.. it's really lacking in the juice department too.  I go back to my room.

Ok!  I hear him taking some plates out.. pretty sure I heard some paper too.. totally misc meat time!  So I go out.. but... again... nothing... So I mix a drink... losing the battle... but winning a smaller battle against the good health of my liver....... guh... the old man says to me... "Haven't heard you play the guitar in a while...."  at this point I wanted to turn around and say, "Fuck you, man! Cook your damn meat already!"  but... I said, "Yeah, I've been busy.  I'll probably play tonight..."  Should've added, "Please don't listen, weirdo.."  I go back to my room.

At this point... I'm thinking I'm going to have to get a drink every time I go out.. because I'm running out of stuff to do...

OK!  Refrigerator opened!  I'm f'ing out there! and I'm totally going to bite him if he hasn't taken the meat out.. I go out... he's chewing on something and walking away from the trashcan.. I look on his plate and I see... chopped up cooked beef.. what the hell?  He spent $12.99/lb on chopped up beef that was either... precooked... or he dunked it in the boiling water.. or... what the heck is going on?  Double check the fridge... and... Misc meat is gone... I'm pretty confused right now...... and a bit let down...

It's totally normal meat... It's NORMAL!  But.... here's what I think happened... old man went into this market... said... "Give me a quarter pound of beef." the butcher says, "Sure thing, boss." Then..... the guy prints out the label.. and the old guy says... "Ohhhh no... you're going to give me a proper label.  I don't want it to say, 'sirloin beef'... I want it to say, 'Misc Meat.'  Thank you."

Fun...... ruined......