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sports.

Sports does things to people... strange strange things...

"wonder why are all the trees in SF are leaning east today... probably cuz the raiders suck."

I'm trying to make sense of this... but it just doesn't quite fit.  Are the trees trying to get even further away from Oakland?  You're talking about trees that are already out of Oakland... they're in San Francisco... and yet they want to lean east... It's probably because they want to get the fuck into the ocean and drown in salt water to avoid anymore shitty trash talk.

It's the first game of the season for both teams... and he's already saying they suck..

I get the feeling that Oakland is going to win though... because this guy has the worst luck when he posts things. 

G C Em D

Well. on the plus side... my dreams have been weird..

I was sitting and having coffee in a foreign place that felt like Canada or Europe... I was with some guy I had in my group for a lab class as an undergrad... we were sitting and talking, when this girl started gesturing at me all seductive-like.  She was definitely pretty... then my friend noticed her... and the girls mom showed up at that point.. now, the next part is gross to me... but my mind came up with it, so here it is....  the mom shows up and notices that we're looking so she decides to wop them out... uh. her boobs.. which were big...  but her nipples were like... 4 inches long and everything was all dangly...  I was thinking, "Dude, her nipples look like flaccid penises."  The girl came downstairs and she went to work at the place next to where we were sitting.  I went to talk to her, but I don't remember what I said.  She was sitting at a sewing machine or a computer... i can't remember.

After that, I noticed that my friend was gone... I assumed he went to hang out with the mom... pun intended.  So I went back to the hotel where another friend and I decided to go somewhere else.... right before we got on a train, we thought we needed to go and stop the other guy from going to see the mom, so we started running back.  As we were running, I saw another friend of mine and he joined in... but the friend I met in the hotel vanished after this.... It's like I have a one friend limit around me in this dream... but we started running. and that was fun.  my friend looks back at me... yeah, i guess he's faster, and says, "We're running really fast, better not jump!"  so what I decided to do was... jump.  and I jumped... and I rise up about 40 feet.. I do a super hero type landing and I'm fine... and then I wake up...

I was going to just get up.. but I decided to lie around and fall back to sleep because i felt really tired... I'm not sure why I wanted to get up...

When I fall asleep I start dreaming about me bringing my guitar to an empty mall... I was sitting in the corner of a Gap or something and I play a bit... but I find it sort of strange that nobody's around... it's like a mall after it's closed.  So, I decide to steal a shirt.  After that, a bunch of people show up.  Mostly young girls that are dressed like they were going to prom... So I leave.  Because it's freaking weird.. The place where I stole the shirt changed.. instead of striped shirts, they had girl shirts... so I woke up.. and got up.


A few weeks ago, I got an email from Gap saying my order has shipped.  Which I found odd... because the order was for a 'sculpting thong'... whatever that is... it turns out that some lady placed an order and put in my email instead.  But there really was no way of letting the lady know about this.. what was Gap going to do... email her?

sharks.

Somebody has decided to use my sponge to clean the dishes... and this somebody has managed to tear up the spongey side of it so it's all eroded and stuff.. I should piss on his sponge and let it dry out so it smells like wet penis every time he uses it.  Fucking weirdo...

"We should drink beers and put on some music!"  fuck you man....
"Those Burger guys sure have some good bands... of course you already know that..." Fuck YOU! If I weren't so full of bourbon I'd be writing about something else... but fuck this guy.  I once saw a movie where Chow Yun Fat bit the ear off of a guy... how hard do you think it is to get a camel to bite this guy's ear off?

So. the bourbon i am drinking is called Four Roses.  The label says a guy made it because a girl went to the ball with four roses on your corsage thing... and that meant that she liked the guy or something... so the guy made bourbon called Four Roses... So I'm drinking love bourbon and it's getting me trashed..

I did math this morning.  SAT math.  I was getting 9/10 pretty consistently... mainly because of some bullshit that the assholes like to use to confuse you.  So I'm happy about that... math makes me happy... and I haven't done it in such a long time... is that a reason to be depressed? A lack of math?  In my head it made perfect sense... this is something I've done my entire life... and seeing as how I haven't really done much of it for probably... a year now... this is probably my brain's way of telling me to start shoving numbers into it and get the endorphins going...


Anyway... here's one of the reasons I like the Jesus and Mary Chain..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qyn92Phiou8


I can be so f'ing happy... or so f'ing low and depressed and they'll still sound good.




Of course... I would like to get back to feeling more like this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qNS27WQAew




There was an item in Mario RPG for the SNES. It was called a Pick Me Up.  you used it when your characters died and stuff.  Whenever I get sad I think I need a Pick Me Up..


Sorry to be so sad.. I'll be happier soon.. because that's the way this shit has been going.

A list of sorts

Here's some things:

-I went on google earth and saw your ass.
-I've got a Dead Moon song stuck in my head.
-I'm all manic depressivey...
-I'm not a psychologist though.
-When I drink, I feel like shooting the bottle with a rifle.
-'Glad I Never' is a good song
-the last line goes, "be glad I never owned a gun"
-soaked in reverb, it's the darkest thing I've ever heard.
-seafood pasta tastes good.
-reverb does nothing to food...
-I'm lacking an outlet for the things in my head...
-I need to learn some new chords or something on the guitar to fix this.
-I also need to learn the piano.
-once I've done that, I think I'll be a bit closer to sanity
-or at least I'll have an outlet for things.
-learning things can be frustrating...
-things can be frustrating.
-frustrating... IS!
-the down and out cat on the corner is frustrated.
-I suddenly really want a cat.

Socks

I spent most of my dream trying to help somebody.. But I don't think I really solved anything. Towards the end I wound up back in high school. I had a different teacher for Japanese class and she had turned the classroom into a jewelry store.. So she told me to go to the library... Which was something my real Japanese teacher actually did and from that I got a detention.

I still can't remember what it was but something I did got me a 'Saturday'.. My actual Japanese teacher must've been really upset with me that day. A Saturday meant I had to go to campus on a Saturday and clean up. The slip said I could study, but they didn't let me do that. I was there with all the bad kids that were dressed like they were in gangs and stuff, so I guess that's why they had us all picking up trash and leaves and stuff. They put me out by myself and forgot about me. I remember the dirt being really hard and thinking, "they sure don't keep the landscaping the way my dad does." because my brother and I would help my dad with the yardwork. Not like we volunteered for it or anything, but if he asked for help we would help. So, they finally realized I wasn't around and they had somebody help bag up the big piles of trash I've formed.

So that's that. The fake Japanese teacher in my dream walked me to the library. I was telling her that the project we were working on wasn't too helpful because every group is looking up new vocab words the other groups have never used... So we wouldn't be learning anything. Our group was doing something about cloning... She said just go work on it and I got really frustrated so I let out a yell as she walked away. The other kids in the class thought I was angry, but really I was just frustrated. There's a difference right? Right before I walked in I heard somebody say, "Nelson is MAD!!!" And when I walked in I said, "I'm not mad, I'm just very very mad." Which makes no sense to me now. So, with my frustration, I tossed all my books to the floor.. Then I lost my equilibrium and started stumbling around like Frankenstein's monster until I was sprawled out over a desk. I'm not too sure what that was about...

Right before all this I noticed I had an extra sock. Then, as I went through my stuff I had an extra pair.. I asked my friend if they were his, and he said no.. But instead of calling it quits with the socks then, I decided that I would carry the extra pair of socks around all day to figure out who they belonged to or if they actually belonged to me. Like some sort of sick version of Cinderella... I was already wearing socks! Why was it so important that I find the rightful owner of the socks? But part of me thought they were my socks.. It was a strange situation.

Most of my dream was about a girl. She was sad. I did my best to try and cheer her up, but I don't think it worked. I met with her at a mall or something, and she knew I was trying to help, but she just couldn't stop feeling sad..


Maybe the socks belonged to her........ But girls don't wear boy socks.

slap!

So. I was looking through Romney's facebook page..  and there was this picture... The caption read, "Charlotte gives Mitt a high five during the convention."  the picture... is of a baby with her hand pressed up against the TV... and her hand is all over Mitt Romney's face. 

I don't think that's the way a high five works... that's how a slap works.  are face slaps the new high five?  because I know somebody that I want to give a HUUUUUUGE high five to. 


The kid moving in is going to pay extra to use the garage... the old man says, "I guess that kid has some stupid ass new car or something."  So I don't think my hatred towards him is unjustified... he's an asshole and he's totally asking for it with talk like that.

tiny doctors.

My face smells... but I washed it. So it's fine now.


These political conventions are weird... They keep cutting to these
weird people cheering.. I find it really odd.

Guh.. I poisoned myself and threw up in my trashcan... then I dumped
my vomit in the backyard and threw some dirt on it. F'ing gross...
too much wine... too much whiskey...

Oh shit. they just cut to some lady crying her eyes out at the end of
Obama's speech. How f'ed up is that? She doesn't want to be seen
crying does she? They need to put me in charge of one of these one
year. It'll be so freaking entertaining. I'll have audience plants
that'll get so freaking riled up by the speeches that they'll start
punching the person next to them. By the end of it, people will be
standing and clapping in their blood soaked suits and others with be
crawling around on the floor looking for their loose teeth... and when
the president starts to point at people, he'll shoot lasers out of his
fingertips... and one of them will hit this fat guy.. and the fat guy
will start expanding like a balloon until he bursts... and out comes
tons and tons of candy all over the convention floor... Then board
games will start raining down from the roof instead of balloons and
confetti.. also spikes. spikes will start falling. falling spikes.


and it'll all be done under budget too.. and nobody will get injured
because i'll hand out umbrellas and tiny doctors... and that reminds
me...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoskDZRLOCs



There's a heavy dose of lunacy from me. and some lovely sounds from Elton John.

Smile!

I'll admit that I've had a few too many drinks.  I'll admit that I'm going to be great at trivia tonight.  I'll admit that I haven't been as nice as I should have been to people.... but the people I have been nice to have appreciated it.  I'll admit that I haven't been open and kind and just generally nice to strangers... but I've been meaning to change that.  It's not you.. it's me.. I've been meaning to change the world... but I feel it's going to be more difficult that I've anticipated......  I'll admit that I'm not perfect... but inperfection makes me happy.

Smile!

dream. a dream.

Guh... You know... even if the Old Man moves out, there is a small possibility that he'll still show up in my dreams.. and that's just what he did last night. He showed up in my dream.  I was sitting out on the couch and he sat down and started complaining about not being able to get a teaching job or something.  He was also talking on the phone to somebody about how he couldn't work outside of davis or sacramento or he would get fired... can subs get fired?  It was the most boring situation ever.

It was one of those dreams where everything is all plain and it's basically a normal situation.  I went to lie down in my bed.. and it felt weird, so i woke up.

Somebody had posted, "Just had an effing zombie nightmare. Ugh" on facebook.  Now... I'm sure nightmares screw with our heads if they're really bad... but zombies?  There's a guy that's spent too much time on the internet and thinks zombies are real... or he's watched one too many zombie movies... but I'm sure those zombie movies don't include Night of the Living Dead or Dawn of the Dead... My nightmares usually involve me getting shot or dying and stuff.  Now that stuff is awful.... or even worse... is the nightmares I have about a boring shitty useless old man. 

Well... that was a happy ending wasn't it?

Album meals

So... Something that's been in my head that ibpve been meaning to doo... Let me do that again...


Something in my head that i've been meaning to do.... Album meals.

I remember watching 30 Minute Meals with Rachel Ray with my old roommate at UCI.. This is basicsically thi the. The same thing. But with albums instead of the 30 minutes.... Basically the same thing but with albums instead of the 30 minutes..


Albums usually come out to be 40 minutes or so...so it's totally a good idea. I can steal all of her recipes and just take my time with them. It's basically extra time to drink and have a good time... Screw the stupid TV and it's hour/half hour system. This is chinkville... Population... chink king general ME! I have my own rules... And those rules are time rules set by the artist and the length of their albums...

I don't want to turn into one of those food assholes though.... I've been watching cooking shows and all the judges are assholes. "oh... This would be better if the chef added a hint of citrus." fuck that. I don't ever want to be like that.. Taste is based on the individual.. So I'll be presenting things that are good to me... This will probably take a bit of effort... But I can talk about the album and talk about the food and have a really good time with it... And I have the time to do it.. So maybe you'll see something soon.

Shirt sex.

Um.  So, the old man just came home and I was in the kitchen, he says hi and adds,  "That was some good music you were playing."  First thing he says when he  sees me...

I don't know what the hell he's talking about... He's been gone all day, so I don't know what he was hearing... but then I thought, maybe he's referring to the stuff I was doing on guitar yesterday.

It turns out, he was talking about the music I was playing 3 days ago on the stereo system outside..  Fucking weirdo...

So here's how it played out... I asked him, "What music?"  He said, "You know, the stuff you were playing kind of loud a few days ago."

Highlight of the day so far... this guy saying I was playing music, "kind of loud."  I know it was loud... There are reasons why I was playing it so loud.. the main one being, I was trying to bother him.  Which, I'm pretty sure I did if he's saying it was "kind of loud."  gah... but a total perfect time to be an asshole and say, "If it's too loud, you're too old."  But I didn't say that.  Fucker needs to stop repeating himself though.  "Are they Burger bands?"  he asks, like he's going after some repeated question record... one of these times he asks i need to tell him, "No, those were off of Nazi Skinhead KKK Records." or "No, that was a Pussy Slap 666 Records release." or "No, that was Shitty Old Jim's that are super boring and I hate it when they talk Records."

AC is finally fixed.  So I'll be all set if it gets all toasty in the fall... I know the old man hated it, so in the end I'm happy about it.  Turns out the month that it took the old guy to try and get the AC fixed really only took about 2 days.  Actually, somehow he doesn't know how to work the thermostat... so maybe I'll just leave it off and turn the house into an oven.

Oh, he was telling me about how I could cheat a breathalyzer test by doing a really quick and short blow... I told him, "I'm pretty sure if I do it that way, the officer will just tell me to do it again the right way.."  but he insisted that I use his method... "No, just a quick short blow... phoo!"  Looking back at this moment... I should've stood up and smashed a bottle over his head.. or go out and stock the house full of folding chairs... this house totally needs some more folding chairs so I can pick one up and crush the shit out of his sternum... fucker is asking for some shortness of breath with that kind of talk.


Happier things:
I got cheap wine from Trader Joe's and the cashier was staring at my shirt... the guy said he liked the design.. like.... really really liked it because he was staring at it a lot.  I told him where I got it... even though they're sold out.

Last week I got a shirt that turned out to be a medium women's sized shirt.. so it's too small for me to wear... this week... i got a shirt, that's a men's medium... but it's one of those big ass men's shirts.  Do you think I could get the shirts to have sex, so I could get a normal sized medium shirt that I like?  Hm.... perhaps it's time I threw a rose, a bottle of wine, and some candles into the hamper...

A good thing

Those things that have been weighing on my mind are slowly surfacing... I'm running out of distractions.

After I was done playing my guitar today, I held it... And felt happy, but I felt like crying. A cry would actually be pretty good right now. Just a complete break down to a point where I'm curled up in the corner with my knees against my chest and my head down. Guh... But it can't be forced... Whatever causes it will be awful... But at least it'll feel good afterwards. It's sad and all, but it's a good thing.

I guess I should fill out my book.

Things to say

Recently somebody's been trying to talk to me, but because the things he says are just so shitty, I don't respond to them. Here are two instances where I felt like punching said individual in the face. I'm not sure why they've upset me so much... Well... I know why... It's because they're coming out of his mouth.

So, I've been listening to my cassettes on the outside stereo. I popped one in and it was great. A real nice surf guitar sound to it... As I'm going to pull he tape out and eat my dinner, this great big music pundit says,

"the guitar sounds like dick dale"

How do I respond to that? I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything. I know why he said it... It's because Dick Dale is considered "the king of surf guitar"... And I know the shithead is trying to impress me... But he has no idea how disliked he actually is. But really... The point here is... Saying surf guitar sounds like dick dale.. Is like saying an orange looks orange. You have no response to it, you just want to slap the shit out of the person who's saying it.

The next tape had a cover of a Bo Diddley song. After it was done playing he shouts,

"that was a really nice version of 'Hey Bo Diddley'"

He's off sitting in the kitchen because I'm lying on the couch. So he know enough to not sit across from me or next to me... But he doesn't have enough sense to keep his mouth shut when I don't want to hear his stupid voice.


My buddy came up to visit.. I told him how the old man would throw non-recyclable material in the recycle bin. When my friend saw him doing this he told him, "I think green waste [meaning yard waste] goes out next to the curb." He was basically tossing rotting fruit in the paper trash can... his explanation for this,

"well.... It's pretty organic."

Which is bullshit I don't even need to explain.


My friend left some cereal here that I didn't touch. I asked if he wanted to take it back because they were unopened... It turns out they were expired... So I said, ok.. I'll see if a homeless person will want it... Because I think it's still good. When I went to take the trash out today I noticed that the cereal was now in the trashcan... So I texted my friend to see if he threw it out... Since it was his cereal... But he said he didn't and asked if the old man threw it out. I said I guess that was the case... and he said.. "maybe he'll throw himself out." checkmate.

So, this guy decided that it was ok to throw away something that wasn't his.. Not only that... He's digging through the kitchen and throwing out the landlord's old stuff without even asking him.


I have a couple weeks off... So I'm going to be disabling the keypad to the oven.


I've broken my own rule... Apologies all over, but I'm sure this will be over soon enough.

Maybe I'll get drunk and tell him to fuck off..

Fedco

I was reading about Fedco tonight. It was basically a really awesome store only found in SoCal that closed down in 1999. We got a lot of our stuff at Fedco. Lifetime membership was $10.

Because of Fedco I also managed to curse at my mom at a young age. She was trying to get me to go with her to Fedco. I was about 10 or so, so she still didn't trust me being home alone... But I still didn't want to go... She was getting upset at me because i was being stubborn and I was getting upset at her because she wouldn't get off my case, so I dropped this little line, "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO FUCKCO." oh... Replacing the "ed" with a "uck" wasn't such a good idea.. My Mom took my razor sharp wit and used it to slice my throat.


I didn't get to stay home alone and wound up going to Fedco.



I kept telling my mom today that I was going to kill a pig in the driveway for dinner. I was going to ring a bell to get everybody's attention and then I would do it. Kill a pig in the driveway, save the blood in buckets.., you know, normal stuff. My mom was saying it was illegal and inhumane... She said the cops would come.. So I told her I would give them a bucket of blood and rub a bunch of it all over my face and that would make them happy and they would leave.

At some point, my mom is going to slap me so hard that I get grotesquely disfigured and I'll wind up looking like Ron Howard's brother..