Just about everyday the old man comes home and sticks a bottle of beer in the freezer. Sometimes he shoves it in the ice and makes a mess.. you know, a bunch of ice gets pushed to the back of the freezer and just piles up there.... or even when he uses the ice dispenser he'll let them fall on the floor and not pick it up... so I get to step in this lovely little wet spot on the floor...
What I really don't understand is why he doesn't put beer in the refrigerator and let it cool throughout the day... so right when he comes home, there's cold beer. What happens most of the time is.. beer goes in the freezer, he forgets about it.. and it freezes, so he has to wait for it to thaw before he can drink it. I don't understand why something as simple as cooling beer turns into this big mess. There are so many things about him that I don't understand... I guess that's why that lady scientist went out and lived with the monkeys for a while. To study them and get a grasp on their behavior... I live with the Old Man... It's pretty much the same thing. She couldn't ask them, "Hey, why do you throw your poop around?" and I can't ask him, "Hey, why do you throw your poop around?"
Ok... seriously. He's out watering the plants again. It's 97 fucking degrees outside, the sun's about the go down... so why the fuck is he watering the plants now? If he wants to water the plants to fucking bad he needs to get his ass up early in the morning and start watering. No... that takes too much effort.. and that's probably what bothers me the most about him... there is no effort or care or even logic in the things he does. If that's how you're going to be then kill yourself.
I suppose people do stupid things when they drink... for starters I actually talk to the guy when I drink because I'm so damn happy.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Belly
This shirt shrank.. Or I got taller and fatter really quick. Pretty sure it shrank. So now, I expose a few inches of belly when I walk around. If I really want to drive people wild I can reach up and flash a bit of the good stuff.. my belly button. This shirt shrank... and I think it's pretty classy. Gah! Why can't I shoot lasers out of my belly button!?!?!! "hey old man!" Zzzzzzzap!
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Nelson and the Olllld Piece of Shit
Well. There's one person I know for certain that reads this... and I knew at some point I would fulfill her request. So... Miss Texas/Cries when he's reads this/stupid dummy butthead organizer stupid face... I present my children's book/webcomic. Caldecott Medal here I come!
Click to enlarge if you haven't figure that out.
cups and.. the worst thing ever.. until tomorrow.
Ahahahahah.... so I'm 50% certain the Old Man hid in his room when the landlord came by. The landlord knocked on my door and was asking if everything was all right and how I was and stuff because he's a nice guy... but he said, "How is Jim? I knocked on his door, but he didn't open." and I said, "Oh, is his truck here? He's probably gone." And the landlord says, "yes, his truck is here." So, there is a small possibility that he hid in his room like a child with the sheets pull over his head... or he might have gone for a walk just to avoid these people.. Now I don't go out and seek them when they come by, but I certainly don't ignore them when they knock on my door if it's closed. Why do I think he was hiding in his room? Because if he left, I would've heard it.. He's pretty noisy when it comes to door opening.
Anyway... here's the scene right below the water boiler spout. Spilled coffee or tea or some other bullshit he feels he doesn't need to clean up. I don't understand how he's spilling it too. If it was just water, I would understand.. but it's brown.. so that means he's running it through his coffee filter and spilling it everywhere because he wants to hop around and shake like Fred Astaire going through withdrawals.. plus all the rags are brown... so he spills a lot. My old housemate bought some rags so he could dry his hands with... a couple weeks after he Old Man moved in, the rags were brown and my housemate was a bit let down by that.. they weren't nice rags or anything, I mean, he bought them at the dollar store... but he didn't have a clean rag to dry his hands with for a bit. Oh, also when he moved in, he used up our aluminum foil... again, without asking, and he was using it to stink up the house. He also started using one of my cups without asking.. what did my other housemate do because he didn't have a cup? He asked. "Hey, I didn't bring a cup up here.. could I use one of yours?" "Sure, go ahead." Now, he accidentally broke it, which is fine... it was pretty much his to use anyway... but when the Old Man breaks my glass that he didn't ask if he could use? He doesn't tell me... but he goes out and buys me another cup.. and he buys himself a few cups too... so there was this cup sitting on the counter for a week... and then one day he says, I broke your cup, this one is yours. I don't know why he didn't just go buy his own cups the first time around.... actually, he's not home right now. I can do things with detergent now.
"You really hit a stride when you started discussing real case studies and your project. Nice work!" All the proof I need to bump my average writing skills to "above average, but still shitty when compared to real writers." But that.. is "goooood enough." There. I stole that from another blog.. you can find it by searching for "organized butt blog good enough stupid perfection lady work out mother kid throws up on tuesday." I know you're reading this and that's why it's so funny.
An Old Man lives in the room upstairs.. it's not perfection.. it's not good enough.. it's an old man living upstairs..... IDEA! Hire an organizer so they'll stick the Old Man in a box outside the house... Does it make me money? no. Do I need it? no.. Do you love it? no.... and just in case those aren't the right questions here's a couple more to cover my ass.. Does it pollenate flowers and make honey? no. Do you like having it around? no. Does it make the house look better? no. Does it provide any sort of positivity in your life? Well... that one would be, yes.. I can focus all my hate on his stupid actions... IDEA! Resurrect Hitler and get him to move in.. that's a sitcom that you won't even need to pay me to be a part of.
Hitler: It's Friday night! Anybody for a game of.... NYahtzee? Because we're all wild single bachelors that are.... nat-zeeing anybody....Ho ho ho ho hoooooo... DIE JUDEN! [Hitler salute, starts shaking dice in cup.]"
Old man: Gosh Hitler... it's a really nice night.. it's 8:07... at night..... Nelson left his check on the counter... it's a nice night. Boy the sun was hot today.. Hitler moved in last week.. June 3rd... It's 8:53 now.... It's a nice night.. Did you leave your check on the counter, Nelson? It's a nice night and it's 11:53 now.... in the morning......"
The show would never air though... because during the filming of the pilot episode, I'll stick my head in a big giant blunderbuss and make ground meat because I can't stand what the Old man is doing...... Oh. and Hitler is pretty bad too.. uh.... I'm going to go now. Bye!
Anyway... here's the scene right below the water boiler spout. Spilled coffee or tea or some other bullshit he feels he doesn't need to clean up. I don't understand how he's spilling it too. If it was just water, I would understand.. but it's brown.. so that means he's running it through his coffee filter and spilling it everywhere because he wants to hop around and shake like Fred Astaire going through withdrawals.. plus all the rags are brown... so he spills a lot. My old housemate bought some rags so he could dry his hands with... a couple weeks after he Old Man moved in, the rags were brown and my housemate was a bit let down by that.. they weren't nice rags or anything, I mean, he bought them at the dollar store... but he didn't have a clean rag to dry his hands with for a bit. Oh, also when he moved in, he used up our aluminum foil... again, without asking, and he was using it to stink up the house. He also started using one of my cups without asking.. what did my other housemate do because he didn't have a cup? He asked. "Hey, I didn't bring a cup up here.. could I use one of yours?" "Sure, go ahead." Now, he accidentally broke it, which is fine... it was pretty much his to use anyway... but when the Old Man breaks my glass that he didn't ask if he could use? He doesn't tell me... but he goes out and buys me another cup.. and he buys himself a few cups too... so there was this cup sitting on the counter for a week... and then one day he says, I broke your cup, this one is yours. I don't know why he didn't just go buy his own cups the first time around.... actually, he's not home right now. I can do things with detergent now.
"You really hit a stride when you started discussing real case studies and your project. Nice work!" All the proof I need to bump my average writing skills to "above average, but still shitty when compared to real writers." But that.. is "goooood enough." There. I stole that from another blog.. you can find it by searching for "organized butt blog good enough stupid perfection lady work out mother kid throws up on tuesday." I know you're reading this and that's why it's so funny.
An Old Man lives in the room upstairs.. it's not perfection.. it's not good enough.. it's an old man living upstairs..... IDEA! Hire an organizer so they'll stick the Old Man in a box outside the house... Does it make me money? no. Do I need it? no.. Do you love it? no.... and just in case those aren't the right questions here's a couple more to cover my ass.. Does it pollenate flowers and make honey? no. Do you like having it around? no. Does it make the house look better? no. Does it provide any sort of positivity in your life? Well... that one would be, yes.. I can focus all my hate on his stupid actions... IDEA! Resurrect Hitler and get him to move in.. that's a sitcom that you won't even need to pay me to be a part of.
Hitler: It's Friday night! Anybody for a game of.... NYahtzee? Because we're all wild single bachelors that are.... nat-zeeing anybody....Ho ho ho ho hoooooo... DIE JUDEN! [Hitler salute, starts shaking dice in cup.]"
Old man: Gosh Hitler... it's a really nice night.. it's 8:07... at night..... Nelson left his check on the counter... it's a nice night. Boy the sun was hot today.. Hitler moved in last week.. June 3rd... It's 8:53 now.... It's a nice night.. Did you leave your check on the counter, Nelson? It's a nice night and it's 11:53 now.... in the morning......"
The show would never air though... because during the filming of the pilot episode, I'll stick my head in a big giant blunderbuss and make ground meat because I can't stand what the Old man is doing...... Oh. and Hitler is pretty bad too.. uh.... I'm going to go now. Bye!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)