You know. I really think he's doing this on purpose... I really think he does stuff just to try and get a rise out of me. Google's been telling me there's a chance of a thunderstorm sometime today... and I'm pretty sure he's seeing the same thing in the newspaper or something. You don't spend 3 hours reading a newspaper without checking out the weather... and especially this manure-chain.. It's been a freaking month since the he's mentioned the weather to me.. and that month was such a beautiful thing. But I hear him grab him empty beer bottles to go out the front door to throw them away.. and he's out there for a while.. so I'm thinking he went off to Target... probably to get more beer. But when I finally decided that I was too lazy to cook and that I would go get some chink food, I see him standing outside watering the grass... and he says, "The grass is dying." I almost said to him, "Yeah, that's what it does.." because we live in this climate where we shouldn't really be growing grass... but I didn't. I left the last part off and just said, "Yeah." So I hop in my car and I keep thinking.. "Screw the grass... let it die. It's not a big deal... my house isn't going to have grass out front.." That's when it struck me... what's he doing watering the grass if it's going to rain? I've spent the last 6 months reading about stormwater, writing about stormwater, and practically pissing stormwater... learning about how it should be treated as a resource rather than letting it all flow off and pollute surface waters and mess up the aquatic environment... and here he is... "Fuck the rain.. I'm going to saturate the soil so all that free water, that literally falls from the sky, doesn't need to." So I don't know...
I come back and he's still watering after... 15 minutes or so.. he says, "Weird weather we're having he says..." and I go ahead and drop this in his pocket, "It might rain later." he laughs... and says, "That would be nice." and he continues to water.. for maybe another 5 minutes or something...
Fine. whatevevereverrrr.. onto more pressing matters... my voicemail... Texas girl (aka "the girl that cries when she reads this) left me a voicemail complaining about the talking female robot that greets people when I don't answer my phone. Personally, I like the talking robot because my voice is weird to me. But I offered letting the Old man (aka Ol' Shithead) to record a greeting for me... she went ahead and offered this up:
"Um, hi, you've reached Nelson's voicemail. The weather is cloudy today, and it's about 11 am in the morning. Leave a message with the time, date, your name, and your phone number so we can get back to you. Then repeat your phone number at the end, just in case."
Now this is prettttttty darn accurate.. she stole my joke... and as one of the few people that actually reads this thing... I think it's safe to say that she's a buttface.
I'm too depressed to even write what I was going to write... but it would've had the Old man asking to leave the message like.... 9 times.
Back to work now.. I've spent 30 minutes looking for a report so I can properly cite it. This is ridiculous... This is also Sparta..
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